**note: this is a complete take from Wedded Bliss... but I wanted to see what my readers thought.
Your marriage may be forever but is your wedding ring?
When Ryan and I got engaged, on my 21st birthday (yes, we were young!!), we had previously went ring shopping together. At this point, we had just purchased our first home together and I was still a full time college student. I also was not a huge jewelry (ring) wearer, so when picking out my engagement ring I was quite frugal.
I knew I wanted a solitaire, something simple and timeless, but everything seemed so... large and sticking up off my hand. I wasn't used to wearing rings. I decided on a 1/3 carat ring and a wedding band/wrap to go with it. In all, I have a row of 5 diamonds (my solitaire and two on each side) and a diamond wedding band beside it. I think in all my ring is just under a carat.
I was recently told that "my husband should have done better".... well, they were shocked when they heard *I* picked out my ring and I didn't WANT anything larger.
I've never been a huge jewelry/diamond girl. Diamonds aren't this girls best friend, to tell you the truth. I could take or leave expensive jewelry (I'd prefer cheap, yet stylish/trendy jewelry instead... my tastes change too often and I get bored with the same old..)
ANYHOW..... back to my TFT. Upon getting engaged, Ryan and I discussed/agreed that we were ok with upgrading my solitaire for something larger in the future, possibly my first Mother's Day. As our marriage and careers blossomed, and our paycheck could support it, we'd trade in the small 1/3 carat and get something larger. Obviously, my first Mother's Day has come and gone. We had revisited the idea and at that point in our lives I really didn't care what my ring looked like. Did I like the look of the newer, larger styles now? Of course. Did I want to go drop a ton of money on a new diamond just for looks? Not really. The thought crosses my mind sometimes as I notice others' rings that I adore. I wonder if I'll ever feel the "need" or "want" to get a larger ring.... whether it be the entire thing or just the diamond. Will I "want" a new ring style? Would it be "right" to trade in my sacred wedding ring? Or, is it just "a ring"... just "a diamond"?
What are your thoughts? Is it okay to upgrade your wedding ring/diamond?
I would not upgrade my diamond. It would be too sentimental for me to basically get rid of the diamond my future husband picked out for me.
ReplyDeleteI love my ring, it's timeless and a good size. It's a total of 2 carats and I can't imagine going bigger. Of course I joke that I would love something bigger but really, that's all it is, a joke. I couldn't part with my ring for the pure fact that my husband chose my ring just for me when he decided to propose. It has way too much sentimental value to ever trade up. It's not about the ring, it's about the marriage.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all-I can't BELIEVE someone told you that. I would've slapped them.
ReplyDeletePatrick and I have our bands (my engagement ring is his great grandmother's) from the pawn shop down the road, haha. When we got married we were poor and in love, and that's the last thing that mattered is going into debt to put something on our fingers. We always talked about later on going and finding something else-but honestly we've talked about it since and neither one of us will. I looked at jewelry stores before I picked out mine, and I could never find one that went as well... and these ones are what MEAN what they do. So-no.
yep. i want to upgrade mine. not my diamonds, but my band. i have a wrap, and i've never really liked the way it looked after i had the two soldered together... i think my wrap was actually made for a slightly bigger center diamond, so there are spaces in between the wrap/center stone... does that make sense?? it's only visible to ME, i'm sure, but i'm a really spatial person and that millimeter or two really bothers me - haha! anyway, so i would like a new setting, eventually, maybe for a big anniversary or other big occasion. i figure that it's something i'm going to be wearing every single day for the rest of my life. and i while i may be sentimental about trading in my diamonds all together, for some reason a new setting wouldn't bother me. :)
ReplyDeletealso, when we picked out my ring i was 21 as well, and i think it's maybe kind of hard to define your personal style for your whole entire life when you're 21. it's kind of like picking your future career at 18 - a pretty tough thing to do - maybe some people can do it, but i bet that most people, at some point, might want to make a change.
one last random thought: i know that wedding/engagement rings are expensive, but when i really think about it, it's probably the only material thing i'll carry with me for my whole life. we've made a lot of other big/expensive purchases - but nothing else i can say that about. our cars? definitely not. our house? no. for how much it cost, and how long i'll be using it, it was worth it, to me. :)
I posted a similar TFT last year on this topic http://www.sweetsauer.com/kristis_bliggitty_blog/2008/07/thoughts-for-thursday.html
ReplyDeleteGreat question and I love reading the answers. I also have a similar story to you. I picked out my own engagement/wedding ring set, about 8 months before he proposed. I picked out style that many new brides were getting at that time and now I have changed my style. I wish that I did pick out something more simple, or that Tony had. I know he just wanted to get me something that I wanted. And I don't think I had eternity in mind. Meaning, I wasn't thinking, "Am I going to love my ring forever? Is it a style that Im going to want all my life?" I wish I were thinking in that way.
ReplyDeleteFor one, its gold. And Im not really into gold anymore. Im wearing silver now and have been for a few years now.
So I've considered some options. I've considered having my band dipped in silver and maybe I will love that new look to it. I've considered putting these diamonds into another setting, But I have a marque diamond, 5 small round diamonds (lost one), and innumerable baguette diamonds on the side. I just don't know how to remount these to a at way that I would love it forever. Because If I do change ring settings and color, I do want it forever.
I am planning on having 'something' done this summer, since I have been missing a round diamond for about 6 months now. And the prong on the main marque has been bent for about 1.5 years and I could lose that diamond anytime! I figure when my fingers are too fat this summer from being prego, I'll send it in then to get fixed. :)
So Im not really sure I even answered your question... LOL! I kind of am agreeing with Kim, Maybe keeping the actual diamonds, but resetting them into a band or style that you will like. I think its even okay to add a diamond too.
Although this cost of this to do, Im not sure. It might just be cheaper to buy a whole new ring at the store. I think it depends on your feelings and Ryan's feelings towards it. If both of you aren't totally attached to this ring, then I wouldn't worry about it being the sentimental part. Just keep it regardless. I don't think I would just trade it in, like for cash.
Funny that you posted this as I was up last night oogling over rings on Tiffany's. I'm not a big jewelry fan either (in fact I'm allergic to most metals) so although my ring is important to me it's not everything. My ring is different than anyone else's and my only complaint is that it is GOLD! I would love to get a white gold or platinum setting but would really rather spend my $$$ on something else. Honestly, a band would be just fine by me or even a CZ ring. It's what it stands for that matters, not how big, expensive, pretty it is. However, with that being said, I do think it's fine to upgrade your ring if that's what you want to spend your money on. It's just not for me.
ReplyDeletewhat a great tft. i've thought about this a lot. i was basically in the same situation as you - high school sweeties, married young and with not a ton of cash. i wasn't a big ring or jewerly person at all, so when i told matt what i liked, it wasn't something big. i told him i wanted simple.
ReplyDeletematt picked out my ring by himself. one solitare in the middle, one on each side of the bigger stone and then a separate band with 10 small diamonds in it. i like it, but often times i see other rings that i sort of wish i would have liked back then.
i guess i agree with leeanne. maybe i would go into a different setting and possibly add a diamond or something - but only for a 'big' occassion. i would want to make the change something special.
I've never really fully understood the "diamonds are a girls best friend" thing either. I could care less how big a diamond is... sure there are some gorgeous cuts that are easier to appreciate with the bigger rocks, and I can appreciate them, but I would never want them to wear around all the time. Too much for me. I personally like the smaller simpler diamonds.
ReplyDeleteMy engagement ring has a simple round diamond (.4 carat I think)(maybe .35) in the center with another tiny inset round diamond on either side. My wedding band matches, but with just three tiny ones, no large center one. I decided not to have them soldered together so I could wear just the band at times if I wanted to. Which I did a lot when I was pregnant and one thinner band was more comfortable to wear on my swollen fingers than the set of both. I often just wear the band when camping or things like that as well. I actually love just the simple band by itself.
So obviously, a big diamond isn't something that is important to me. I am just as in love with my set as I was the day we picked it out (together) and as the day we got married and I love it that way. I can't see that I would ever trade up for a bigger diamond, not because of sentiment (I would never trade in the whole ring... that's more where my sentiment is) just because I have no desire to. I could care less what diamond is on there, I just want my ring. I'm kind of traditionally symbolic like that. I would be heartsick if I lost my ring, not because of the value of it, but because that was THE ring.
I would love to add to it someday though with an anniversary band or or kids' birthstones or something just to stack with my existing rings.
You know how I feel about this...I won't be trading my wedding band, I would just like to get another diamond band for the front of my ring.
ReplyDeleteLike Michelle said, it's about the marriage, not the ring.
I am definitely not judging those who would want to upgrade though. It's just my opinion. :)
I am much like you. When we got married my husband said I am only going to spend this much. I am pretty petite and don't wear much jewelry either so I picked out a .25 diamond engagement ring with a band that has a row of little diamonds. The idea was he would get me another band some where along the line to go on the other side. That never happended but over the years my taste did change. I wanted a big solitaire. Not to replace my wedding ring but in addition to or change out the diamond. We ended up for my 20 year anniversary getting a 1 carrot solitaire in platinum. I wore it on my right hand for a bit but when my wedding band started getting too tight to wear on my left hand I switched hands. Now I hardly wear my original wedding set but I consider the one we bought for our 20 th anniversary to be just a special and I wear it in place of my original set. The ring is just a symbol like they say in the ceramony. I think it is whatever is special to you. Because it is just a symbol.
ReplyDeleteMy first wedding ring was just a plain gold band, and towards the end of the marriage we talked about getting new bands. Instead I kicked him out, got a new husband, and thusly got to choose new wedding bands.
ReplyDelete(HAHAHA! you are probably reading that in horror, but it makes me laugh.)
This wedding ring? I would not change for a million dollars, mainly because ours match, and we each chose the exact same inscription for each other's ring without consulting each other.
And, I really like my husband too. He doesn't get the boot. :)
Jas and I got married young too (I was 20, he was 23) and we didn't have much. I wore a very TINY diamond engagement ring that was his grandmother's, along with a solid white gold wedding band. I'm like you, I don't really dig big expensive diamonds/jewels and would rather have trendy jewelry that I can change all the time. So anyway, I wore those 2 rings together.
ReplyDeleteWhen we separated last yr for a little while, his grandmother asked for her engagement ring back. And in moving my things out of our old house, I lost my wedding band, even though I had intended to keep it "just in case". OOPS.
When we got back together, I bought myself a new ring and let his grandma keep her old engagement ring. So now I just wear my new band, which has a white sapphire in the middle and a small diamond inset on each side. It's small, pretty flat, and dainty. I don't think it's wrong to upgrade, of course it's sentimental but what matters is what it symbolizes - the marriage. Rings are just "things." :) Just my opinion!
Okay, so I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here. Eeeek, I'm scared! But, honestly I really don't think it's a big deal to change your ring, or want to "upgrade"... life changes as do our checkbooks, so if you want to scale up a little more power to ya! I do believe it is just a ring...it's what it symolizes that's important.
ReplyDeleteMy ring is the epitomy of simple, a single princess cut solitaire diamond, in a Tiffany's white gold setting 1.8 carats, with a simple white gold wedding band. Don chose the ring ALL by himself (good work, hubs). This is what I wanted, I didn't want to go and pick it out together, I really wanted him to choose the ring he thought would best suit me. Now, with that said, I did give him a few hints as to the style of ring I was interested in. And I was in love with it the minute I saw it. I doubt I'll ever change/upgrade it. What I will do it add an anniversary band to it....nice a bling, blingy I might add!:) I'm not afraid to say it, the bigger the better for me! LOL!
I would definletly upgrade. I made the commitment to my husband, not my ring. Plus, my husband lost his first wedding band when we were swimming so I figure, what's the difference? He's on his second ring. However, there always seems to be other things to spend money on- finishing the basement, building a deck, paying for college..... the list goes on. Who knows when we will upgrade, but I would have no problem doing it!
ReplyDeletei say it's only a symbol of your marriage. do what makes you happy!
ReplyDeleteI was 19 when Brian and I got married. We couldn't afford much, but I love my wedding ring. (He custom made it). It's nothing big, but the fact he made it means so much. If you are thinking of another ring I would highly recommend keeping the original.
ReplyDeleteHave you checked into Mother's Rings (the rings with your children's birthstones?)
My mom got a nice wedding ring on her 25th wedding anniversary. (Her original ring was 1/8 caret). She wears the other on the opposite hand.