Not Me Monday

• It was not me you saw last week carrying screaming 3 year old like a sack of potatoes on my hip, a camera bag, a large purse and large backpack full of books and HotWheels onto a plane.
  
  
• I did not yell at my 5 year old to "get out of his way" when he was kicked accidentally by the flailing 3 year old who was hanging off my side in a fit.
  
  
• I most definitely did not drive halfway to a session (an hour) and stop for gas only to realize I didn't have my wallet.  Or any form of money at all.
  
  
• I did not have to accept $10 from a complete stranger and feel like a total flake.
  
  
• It was certainly not me who arrived at my clients house, whom I had never met, and ask her if she could front me some cash to get gas and apply it to her print order later. I would never make first impressions like that.
  
  
• I do not give my children the soft strawberries while saving all the nice, firm and perfectly ripe strawberries for myself.  Who does that?!
  
  
• I did not give my sassy 3 year old a pop on the mouth that consequently gave him a bloody nose.  I promise, he gets bloody noses really easily.
  
  
• I would never, ever under any circumstances let my 3 year old eat an opened bag of Gummy Lifesavers that he found in the seat pocket of the airplane.  That is a terrible idea, no matter how much tantruming and crying it resolved would spare everyone from hearing on the flight.
  
  
• I did not yell "Stop it, Porter! Go see Grandma!" to a stranger in the bathroom at the airport when I heard the bathroom stall door jiggle.  I would never make a rash assumption without knowing for sure it was Porter.
  
  
• I do not tell my children that "bugs will start living under their nails" in order to get them to let me cut their dirt filled fingernails.  When Hudson told me "I want bugs under them" I did not tell him the bugs would then start eating his fingers  No, that's a recipe for nightmares.
  
  
• I did not pretend to call the gypsies to have a "babysitter" come stay with Porter when he said he didn't want to go on a bike ride "Unless you let me ride in the bike trailer, Mom!!!"  My kids definitely do not think "gypsies" are mean babysitters who make you eat dirt.  No, not me.
  
  
• I did not tell the cashier at the airport "Yes, just the water will be all.... unless you sell tranquilizers." That would certainly give one the wrong impression of my parenting skills.  Or lack thereof in a frazzled moment.  Or frazzled hour... or frazzled day.  Whatever.