hocus pocus omg i need to focus!

We are back from vacation and holy mother my brain is in overdrive.  I feel like I can't focus on ANYTHING... yet I have so much swirling in my brain.   I have commitment-phobia.   Nesting this pregnancy has turned into an overload of anxiety, unease, stress, desire for change change change, and lots of tears.  EWW.  

BRAIN DUMP TIME!

• I need to order Baby Girls' quilt off Etsy.  But I *STILL* have not fully settled on the fabrics I want to use.  GAH!   I need to buckle down and put together a sample and get it ordered!
  
• Did I mention the nursery still has tons of junk in it.... a full sized bed, old rug, random pieces of furniture..... it is the epitome of unfinished.
  
• I have a sign for her room halfway made.  Meaning... it has been built, stained, painted and is waiting for an actual QUOTE or something to be painted on it and then distressed.  Only..... I can't decide on what I want it to say.  So that sits unfinished.
  
• Third trimester has me falling apart.  I have acid reflux galore.  Oils aren't helping this stage of it.  Its irritating my throat and I've been coughing like its my job, which makes me pee, which makes me so frustrated and I end up puking and peeing and crying all over the bathroom.  Glorious.  Such a glorious trimester.  I'm so over it.
  
• Our house is grossing me out.  I feel like everything is dirty.  And cluttered.  I want to purge everything.  I want to organize everything.  I want to take a big fat mop and scrub every little surface of the house.
  
• I also want to move.  BADLY.  I feel like we have zero room in this house.  I'm desperate to have more land.  I'm desperate to have a larger family area.   I want to move and settle in somewhere for the long haul.   I have found a perfect home for us except... it's in Michigan.   Though neither of us can commit to moving out of state, so we'll probably stay in MI. Who the hell knows.   All I know is I want out of Jackson and into a different school district.
  
• And speaking of moving.  HOW DO YOU CHOOSE WHERE TO MOVE TO?   I mean, those of you who have moved out of state, or to an unfamiliar area.... HOW did you choose where to move to?   Did you find any websites that were helpful in helping determine which area to move to?   I've been looking on GreatSchools website as well as Neighborhood Scout website for schools but would love to know exactly how accurate that is??
  
• I've been house shopping.  And school district shopping.  And beach house shopping.   Because obviously the best time to decide we want to invest in an oceanfront rental property is when you're 83 months pregnant and ALSO want to move out of town.   But.... if we had somewhere to vacation a few times a year, that'd so be worth it.   This winter actually wasn't too terrible- probably because we spent a bit of it traveling- Virginia, California, Nashville, Utah... maybe that's the key. Stay busy and get the hell out of the frigid winter HAHA!
  
• My heart about broke into a million pieces today because Amelia discovered her 1st year scrapbook album... that is so unfinished.  She was SO FREAKING HAPPY and excited to look at all her pictures.  I feel like an awful mom.  I've been so behind on scrapbooking the past 3 years.  I need to make it a priority.   Maybe this needs to be something I do.... get away for a few days and really just focus on catching up!
  
• I'm ready for the sun to shine!  I'm ready for summer!  I'm ready to camp and take the kids swimming and be outside on our deck and go riding! (OMG I so can't wait to be able to ride again!)  Today is gloomy and gray and it is depressing.  And it's making my antsy stress levels rise.  Ugh.   

Currently addicted to:

-Ticket to Ride app on my iPhone. We got the game for Xmas (after playing it at the Morrisons years ago!) and I found out they have an app. Awesome stuff.

-Pinterest. If you don't know what this is, you're missing out.

-Watching Americas Funniest Videos with the boys. We laugh so so hard watching these. The boys now try thinking of things to "set up" to happen and call it "an AFV moment". Haha! Porter shoveled the snow down to the end of the driveway and partially into the road. He ran inside and said "let's watch mom, a car will drive through it and it's going to be an AFV moment!". Haha!

-Frosted Flakes. I eat a bowl for breakfast every morning. And sometimes a bowl at night for a snack!

-Revenge, Greys Anatomy, The Bachelor and Parenthood. Love those shows!

Random Ramblings

• Last week was the Jackson County Fair.  And I avoided it this year :)  I'm not sure but I just had no desire to spend the money, brave the crowds and eat the fattening foods.  
• Ryan did take the boys to the Monster Trucks on Friday night.  I'm hoping LeeAnn got some pictures (LeeAnn... ??).  I put my point and shoot camera on the seat of the van and Ryan STILL left it in the van!
• Thursday I had a really bad day.  A really really bad day.  But, I'm moving on and trying to work things out.  
• Friday I had some girls over (Lori, Stephanie and LeeAnn) to scrapbook.  I didn't feel like I got much done but really I did.  I got caught up on Project Life and it was nice to vent and talk with some ladies.  I feel like I've had zero Mommy Time this summer. 
• I'm really dreading work starting.  Really.  Dreading. 
• I really really wish I could stay home with the boys.  I know, after my really really bad day, I still do.  
• Medication switch isn't going so hot.  See the private blog. 
• We are "testing" out Ryan's friends camper this week at Mackinaw. (actually, we have it for a month as we paid for his next month's payment). Its a 26' camper with slide-out.  I like it, but.... I don't think it'll work for our family of 4 (someday 5).  And while campers have not been even ON my radar, I'm now browsing browsing Craigslist for hybrids.  Not sure what will come of this... we may just stick with tent camping as I really kind of enjoy it (just not the packing up/unloading part).  
• I keep thinking if we DID get a camper we'd be able to camp in April/May and September/October as well as our once-a-month camping trips in the summer.  Its hard to camp just for a Fri night-Sunday when tent camping as there is SO much stuff to pack up and prep time etc.  If we had a camper it'd be stocked already and we'd just have to throw together clothes and food and could take off for a weekend. 
• The boys have been full of silly sayings lately.  (See previous posts).  Hudson has been a riot... he's such a little shit lately but oh my word he can turn on the charm!
• My grad class is finally done and I really feel so free!  I've also sent out nearly 40 resumes this summer and had Z-E-R-O response.  Ugh.  
• I've been pushing Ryan to apply for jobs in Wilmington, NC and nearby areas.  I figure if he can get a job I'll just sub until I find something fulltime.  It wouldn't be much different than the job I'm doing now, especially if Ryan got paid more at a new job. 
• I'm really looking forward to a week of relaxation with the family.  Ryan has been gone SO much lately.  He has been working a ton and is finishing up his last class for his degree (which he walked in June but still had one class to finish over the summer).  It will be nice to spend some time together for once!
• Our yard is finally 100% fenced in.  It looks a little silly right now as we have a cattle/farm gate across our driveway but plan to "face" it with the same wood privacy fence that the rest of the yard has.  The cattle fence will essentially serve as a frame for the wood fence.  It is really nice to be able to let the dogs out and run!  The dogs seem to love it too.  The boys, well Porter loves opening the gate for me when we leave or get home LOL!  

my day in under 140c

• this morning started way too early.  9 am and the day was already 2 hours old.
• MY BIKE IS HERE MY BIKE IS HERE! The boys are excited too. Porter screams "That is WICKED!" Bah hahah!~
• Holy Lime Green!!
• oh my holy bike assembly. ugh. love the bike... its kind of big though. didn't realize 700c (in the item title) meant bigger (aka road) tires. its a little tall, but it fits. and its pretty!
• laundry laundry laundry.... good thing hulu has a few episodes of Real Housewives to watch.
• oma took the boys to see cars 2 (hudson's b-day present from her).  a couple kid free hours for me.  what am i doing? cleaning this house.  it is a sty!!
• today is the twinnies birthday.  happy birthday sweet girls! i can't believe it has been a year already since their amazing entrance to the world. congrats jane and adam... you survived the first year!!! :) 
• 
  

My Monthly Check-In

I think I'm going to try to do a montly check-in to evaluate how things are going with my goals.  So for March, here we go:

• One of my biggest accomplishments is Weight Watchers.  I have been on WW since January 16 and have lost just a smidge under 10lbs.  The last 3 weeks I've been naughty (V-day, P's birthday, mini-vacay, Ry's b-day) but I still am down weight on average each week.  4 weeks until Holden Beach and I am hoping to lose another 5lbs or so.
• I am still off of Zoloft and this is another huge accomplishment.  I give a ton of credit to my therapy sessions and to the Momfulness book I've been reading.  I've learned so many great new skills and mindful thinking things that help me put things into perspective.
• I haven't been reading EVERY night, but a few nights a week for sure.  I've also taken my book to work and I lately have been eating lunch in the classroom so sometimes I read my book on lunch. I've also been keeping a paper journal for my Momfulness book.  I love it!!
• I have not yet finished any Blurb Books but I've been doign a TON of digital scrapping and just plain putting old pictures (from 2010 thus far) into simple collages to put in my scrapbooks.  In the past month I bet I've done close to 40 digi pages/collages!  I'm slowly working my way through 2010 to get all those "extra" pictures into my scrapbooks.  I'm not focusing so much on fancy schmancy scrapbook pages but just getting them printed so my kids can look at them.  I'm still fancy schmancy scrapbooking but only the really important things I want to showcase. 
• That whole mess with my "friend" who wasn't so much a friend?  I can't say it is resolved, but I did finally confront her (again) and try to get closure.  I doubt I'll ever know more of the truth, or know more of what I did to actually have her turn on me after so long but I have to accept that basically I wasn't liked for who I am and I'm not about to change for anyone.  Slowly, but surely, the anger and hurt is subsiding and my mind is less busy with the "what if's" and "why's". 

• For 2011 so far I am CAUGHT UP on scrapbooking and printing pictures.  This is amazing!  I have been working on my own personal pictures every few days and either printing for my Project Life album, printing digital pages, collages or prints to scrapbook.  It feels GOOOOOD!
• I have not been so great on exercising.  I fell off the bandwagon a few weeks ago with Zumba and desperately need to get back on.  It falls into that "excuse" category... but I feel its a valid excuse.  I feel guilty after working all day and then coming home for a short while and then leaving to exercise for an hour.  It eats up 2 full nights a week.  I can't wait for spring so I can take the boys and dogs on walks and fit in some exercise that way. 
• I've done great going to church each weekend and find that I really really look forward to it.  I always seem to find things that truly relate to what I'm going through and it is almost therapeutic! 

All in all, I feel so much less stressed these past few weeks (months?!).  I have been trying to focus on things that matter, stay mindful of my children's needs and behaviors and spend time doing things I enjoy and love.   I'm far from perfect (and truthfully will never be perfect, of course!), and this life of mine is far from perfect itsself but it sure is going great!

Little Happy Things

• My momma is here visiting for 10 days.  'Nuff said.  When I picked Porter up from preschool he must have said 10 times "I'm so excited to see Grammie!"  (which is a "new name" he's given her)
  
• I got home to find my grandma (aka Oma to the boys) had helped the boys decorate gingerbread men, make me cards and had gotten me ornaments from them.   I love her so much.
  
• Porter... my rough and tumble boy... is such the ladies man at preschool.  So strange to me, yet so cute.  I ask him everyday who he played with that day and everyday its the same... "Cadence and Heaven."   The other day Heaven made him a Christmas card and I said "Is Heaven your girlfriend?"  He says "Yeah, but I'm going to marry Cadence."   HAHA!
  
• Only one more week of school and then 2 weeks off!  Trying to plan a trip to see the Morrisons.  Ryan's on call for New Years so I'm not sure that's going to pan out, but I'm hoping to get down there in Jan.  I miss them and I am anxious to see the kids together!  They haven't seen each other since Hudson was a newborn, Porter and Sawyer were 2.5 and Savannah was... 5?

It's my Birthday Eve (how in the world am I turning 29 tomorrow??) and I'm listening to Coldplay, drinking some Diet Dr. Pepper and cleaning my office/organizing scrapbook stuff.  Peace and quiet!  Not worrying about my Master's class, client pictures, work, Christmas shopping or laundry.  

My Bucket List │ a work in progress

1. Have our family pictures taken by Tara Whitney
2. Make a quilt like Grandma Swett
3. Get a tattoo
4. Swim with dolphins
5. Buy Lemonade From A Kids Stand
6. Sing At A Karaoke Night
7. Go To A Photography Workshop
8. Sit In A Real Hot Spring
9. Visit The Redwood Forest
10. See the Grand Canyon
11. Make Wine
12. Write & Publish A Book
13. Run Through Sprinklers
14. Win A Photography Contest
15. Buy A Convertible
16. Dance With My Husband
17. Shake A Presidents Hand
18. Jump In A Lake With All My Clothes On
19. Knit A Blanket For A Grandchild
20. Have My Own Studio
21. Run A 1/2 Marathon
22. Donate My Hair To Locks Of Love
23. Grow Vegetables
24. Save A Life
25. Give Birth Without Drugs
26. Adopt a child
27. Rent an oceanfront house with our friends and their kids.
    
28. Send Mail To Strangers
29. Ride in a gondola in Italy
30. See the Eiffel Tower
31. Grow our own pumpkins for Halloween
32. Teach Kids To Cook
33. Wade Through A Creek
34. Be On TV
    
35. Spend Time Coloring
36. Make Christmas Cookies For The Homeless
37. Take A Famous Persons Picture
38. Wine Taste In Napa
39. Ski in Colorado
40. Run across the Mackinac Bridge
41. Write A Letter To Someone Who Inspired Me
42. Learn to Salsa Dance with my husband
43. Laugh Until My Belly Hurts
44. Run Through A Rain Storm
45. Ride on the back of a motorcycle
46. Achieve my ideal weight
47. Catch fireflies with my kids
48. See the Statue of Liberty
49. Sleep in a hammock
50. Go on a road trip
51. Walk in the Susan Komen 3-Day for a Cure
52. Learn how to play the guitar
53. Go to the Cirque du Soleil
54. Start my own business
55. Renew our marriage vows
56. Donate blood
57. See Coldplay in concert
58. Get my Master's Degree
59. Take a couples-only trip to Las Vegas
60. Take a couples-only trip to somewhere warm and sandy
61. Get fake nails
62. Pay off student loans
63. Take a 'Momcation' with my ladies to somewhere tropical an all inclusive
64. Stop living paycheck to paycheck
65. Own an oceanfront house/timeshare
66. 
    

More to share!!!

Oh boy, I keep finding more and more blogs to read!

I found a few links I had to share, and also to link to so I can come back to them. (You should see my Bookmarks... uh... I so need to clean them out! Anything put in my Bookmarks basically gets lost!)

• Family Rules Canvas.... I *love* this! I have got to sit down with Ryan and come up with some rules... and get to work on this fun little project!!
  
  
• Job Chart: I've been thinking of chores/jobs/household responsibilities to give Porter. He's getting to the point where he likes to ask for toys and stuff at the store and I'd like to start letting him earn/save his own money to make those purchases. I really liked their Chore Charts and their Home Store Reward System. And also for older kids, the Checkbook Registers they keep for the kids. How neat and organized and responsible!
  
  
• For older kids, I found this Online Job Chart really neat... you can set it up and customize it so that the rewards are to your choosing. And you get text alerts when they complete jobs and choose rewards. Neat!

Ok, I think that's all for now.

Half Empty or Half Full?

I can't believe summer is halfway over. It makes me sad and anxious!

We've filled our past week (because its been a week since I've blogged!) with lots of random things....

• Bought a 12' x 33" pool... and of course its been like 65* since we bought it!
  Originally it was on sale for $69 at Meijer so we decided to go for it. Well, less than a week later I was grocery shopping and went to check out the pool toys... found all the pool stuff clearanced out 50% off... so I re-bought it for $39 and returned it with the old receipt! Cha ching!
• Ryan built closet organizers for Donnie and Nolan's closets
• Went to Carter Murphy's 1st birthday party
• Went blueberry picking today... first pick of the season.
  
• Had the neighbors over to cook out and swim
• I finally made the leap and bought a new camera. Black-Eyed Wilma is being replaced with a snazzy Canon 5d Mark II.
  

Uhm what else.... I am already forgetting my past week! Last week seemed to go by soo fast. And, well, its 12 minutes away from Wednesday as I type!

100 Reasons to Get Rid of It

While reading Heather Ann Melzer's blog today, I stumbled on this list from Martha (I know, Katie.... your FAVORITE person HAHA! Or wait... was it the wanna be's you just luv?) and I thought others might benefit from some of the links. I know I will be finding use for some of them!

Because You Have Too Much Stuff
1. 1.4 million Americans suffer from chronic hoarding & clutter.
2. People burn 55 minutes a day looking for things.
3. 80 percent of what we own we never use.
4. 1800GotJunk.com
Pay someone else to take out the (big, cumbersome) trash.
5. Publicstorage.com
Lock it up in more than 2,100 locations around the U.S.
6. redshield.org
Schedule a pickup with your local Salvation Army.
7. earth911.org
Find local recycling and reuse programs for all kinds of household items.

Because It's Fun
8. 127sale.com
Set up shop at the World's Longest Yard Sale, August 2-5, along 450 miles of Highway 127 in the southeastern U.S.
9. Or peddle your wares in your own front yard on National Garage Sale Day, August 10.
10. Swaporamarama.org
Attend nationwide clothing exchanges and do-it-yourself alteration workshops.
11. Wildzipper.com
Watch as a pile of your favorite old T-shirts is converted into a quilt.

Because Someone Else Needs It
Cell Phones
12. Verizonwireless.com
Put a refurbished phone (of any brand) into the hands of a domestic violence victim.
13. Eco-cell.com
Or let its sale benefit an environmental charity.
14. Care.org
Send a phone to the field staff of a poverty-fighting mission.

Digital Cameras
15. Operationhomefront.net
Help keep service members in touch with their families.

All Technology
16. Rethink.Ebay.com
Work with charities to find homes for consumer electronics.
17. youthfortechnology.org
Put scanners, computers, and cameras in the hands of deserving, impoverished kids around the world.

Air Miles
18. Redcross.org
For Red Cross staff and volunteers
19. Heromiles.com
For deployed soldiers
20. Marrow.org
For transplant patients
21. Childrenscancerassociation.org
For terminally ill kids

Furniture & Appliances
22. excessaccess.org
Match your household items with a local non-profit's wish list.
23. help1up.org
Furnish homes for disaster victims.
24. dressforsuccess.org
Give interview and work clothing to disadvantaged women.
25. makingmemories.org
Donate a wedding gown to benefit breast-cancer patients.
26. www.operationfairydust.org
Send formal wear to teenage girls who need help getting to the prom.
27. onewarmcoat.org
A free coat to anyone who needs one.
28. boulderrunning.com
Ship shoes and sportswear to struggling athletes around the world.

Other
29. Suitcasesforkids.org
Supply children in foster care with luggage.
30. Uniteforsight.org & givethegiftofsight.org
Send eyewear to men and women in underdeveloped countries.
31. Savethechildren.org
Convert American Express credit card points to cash donations.
32. Cartalk.com
Donate a used vehicle to support your local public radio station.
33. Booksforafrica.org
Give everything from storybooks to encyclopedias.
34. Cap4pets.org
Send towels and newspapers to animal shelters.
35. Goodwill.org
Fund job training programs and social services.
36. Freecycle.org
Post donations for charities (and regular folks) to claim.
37. Habitat.org
Donate leftover building supplies to Habitat for Humanity's ReStores.

Computers
38. Cristina.org
Technology and training for the disabled and disadvantaged.
39. Sharetechnology.org
Connecting donations with charities across the U.S.
40. Worldcomputerexchange.org
Send computers to more than 50 developing countries.

Because It Can Be Turned Into Something Else
41. Nikereuseashoe.com
Recycled footwear materials become sports and playground surfaces.
42. Patagonia.com
Donated Capilene base layers become polyester fibers for new Capilene garments.
43. Pangea organics' packaging becomes an herb garden when planted in soil.
44. Cargo cosmetics' PlantLove lipstick tubes come in plantable boxes that sprout wildflowers.
45. Pencilthings.com
Old newspapers become colored pencils.
46. Vivaterra.com
Rubber tires become sleek purses...
47. Passchal.com
...or rugged iPod covers.
48. Gaiam.com
Plastic soda bottles become durable hammocks.
49. Recycline.com
Yogurt containers become colorful plates, flatware, toothbrushes, and razors.

Because It Will Make Your Life Better
50. Getting rid of clutter will reduce housework by 40 percent.
51. Erase a $10K credit card debt (with an average interest rate) 65 percent faster -- and pay 75 percent less total interest -- when you pay double the typical minimum monthly payment.
52. Download security software like Stopzilla to keep a lid on computer pop-ups.
53. Around 23 percent of people pay late fees on bills they cannot find.

Because You Can Get Something Back
54. Return six MAC Cosmetics containers to any MAC store and receive a free lipstick.
55. Trade in an old iPod and receive a 10 percent discount on a new one.
56. Coinstar.com
Easily convert spare change into "real" money.
57. Craigslist.org
Sell it to your neighbors.
58. ebay.com
Sell it to anyone.
59. giftcardbuyback.com.
Get cash for gift cards you'll never use.
60 Paperbackswap.com
Trade the books you have for the ones you want.
61. Peerflix.com
Trade the DVDs you've seen for the ones you haven't.
62. Spun.com
Clear off your CD shelves, and make money in the process.
63. Titletrader.com
The great entertainment exchange: books, music, movies, and games, all swapped in one place.

Because It's Old/Expired
64. energystar.gov
Replacing old appliances with new, energy-efficient ones saves money and fuel.
65. Running shoes should be retired after 300 to 500 miles in order to prevent injuries.
66. Deep-six your toothbrush every three to four months.
67. Swap your pitcher's water filter every two months (or as directed).
68. Change out disposable air conditioner filters once a month during cooling season.
69 Replace the batteries in your smoke detector at least once a year.
70. foodsafety.gov
Find the USDA's recommended storage limits for refrigerated and frozen food.
71. Throw out mascara and moisturizer after three months.
72. Discard foundation and sunscreen after six months to a year.
73. Keep concealer, lipstick, eye- and lip liners, fragrances, powders, blushes, and shadows for only a year and a half to two years.
74.-76. Say goodbye to the dried-out remnants of your favorite no-longer-available lipstick, and check out threecustom.com, T.J.Maxx stores, or Lancome's beauty bye-bye program for replacements or duplicates of discontinued cosmetics.

Because You Don't Want to Suffer from "Stuck Song Syndrome"
77. And these five tunes are among the most persistent: Chili's "Baby Back Ribs" jingle, "We Will Rock You," the "Mission Impossible" theme, "YMCA," and "It's a Small World After All." (Tip: Try drowning them out with classical music, which is less likely to haunt you after it's turned off.)

Because the Last Thing You Need Is More Paper Lying Around
78. File your taxes through an authorized IRS e-file provider.
79. Eliminate paper statements by banking and paying bills online.
80. Call 1-888-567-8688 to stop unwanted credit card solicitations.
81. Opt out of mailing and telemarketing lists by logging on to dmaconsumers.org.

Because There's a Better Option
82. Search for phone numbers online instead of storing bulky Yellow and White Pages volumes.
83. Lose the road maps and get a GPS system to download up-to-date travel guides.
84. Read "Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man," by J. Courtney Sullivan (Warner Books, $14, 2007).

Because You Don't Want to End Up Like Them
85. Miss Havisham in "Great Expectations"
86. Big Edie and Little Edie Bouvier Beale in "Grey Gardens"
87. Oscar Madison in "The Odd Couple"
88. The family in the documentary "Packrat" (packratthemovie.com)
89. The Bronx, New York, man who, in 2003, was trapped in his home under an avalanche of books and newspapers for two days before being rescued.

Because If They Said It, It's Probably True
90. "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." -Leonardo da Vinci
91. "Less is more." -Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
92. "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." -William Morris
93. "You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative." -Johnny Mercer
94. "The joy of giving is indeed a pleasure, especially when you get rid of something you don't want." -Frank Butler and Frank Cavett, "Going My Way"

Or Just Because...
95. It has no value, sentimental or monetary.
96. It hasn't been used in over a year.
97. There is no logical place to keep it.
98. It doesn't work.
99. An ex gave it to you.
100. And what's the worst that can happen if you throw it out?