piles and piles and piles and piles

I hate piles.  I hate the piles that accumulate and appear out of nowhere when the house was just clean the day before.  Where does this stuff come from?   

I like my house clean.  And tidy.  And uncluttered.  I hate clutter.  Yes, I know I have small children and a newborn at home... but I still try my darnedest to keep my house looking nice and organized.  Some days I feel SO accomplished and proud... I get so much done.  Other days... not so much.   Today, after lunch, I realized that today was the latter.  Lots of piles.  (and... instead of cleaning them.... I take pictures of them and label them and blog them.  Yeah.   That's probably part of my problem....)

Stick a fork in me.

I'm done.

Oh my I'm so done today being MOM.  GAHH!  And I really shouldn't be complaining because my mom kept the boys from 6pm last night until noon today... so I did have a little time away from them.  But besides that, I have barely been away from them for more than a couple hours (running errands etc) since school let out.

I so need a break.

I've had a headache since Friday.  One of those pain up the side of your neck and into your head headaches.  My upper back has a knot in it and my lower back feels out of place.  I really need to get to the chiropractor. And I could use a massage.

Can you believe I haven't had a massage since my one and only massage the day before our wedding.  Seven years ago?!?

Hint hint hubby.... forget the stupid ass flowers for Mother's Day.  Mama wants a massage!!!

Tonight I've declared Stay-Away-From-Kids night.  When Ry gets home I'm either sending him out with the kids (so I can scrapbook!!) or I'm taking off to go shop.  Somewhere.  Anywhere.  Not that I have any money to spend but I just need to get the heck out.

Okay. Done complaining.  Back to our regular scheduled blogging.

Here is why I have a foot tall stack of magazines I haven't read...

Naptime.  Kids in bed (trip upstairs #1)

I decide I'm FINALLY going to sit and relax and flip through a few of them.

Sit down.  Read a couple pages.

Hudson is up.  (trip upstairs #2)

Sit down.  Read a couple pages.

Phone call. It's Ryan.  We discuss plans for the afternoon.

Read a couple pages.

Hudson is up again.  Has to pee.  (trip upstairs #3).

Sit down.  Read a couple pages.

Hudson is up AGAIN!!!  Has to poop.  (trip upstairs #4)

He takes forever so I leave him on the toilet and go downstairs to read a few more pages.

Put him in bed. (trip upstairs #5)  Jam a blanket in his door so he can't get out.

Sit down.  Read a couple pages.

Hudson is bawling.... something is wrong.  Yep.  Smashed his fingers in his closet door dinking around.  (trip upsairs #6)

Sit down, read a page.

Dog is barking outside.  Go let them in.

Sit down... read a few pages.

So there are 2 things I've realized this afternoon.  #1 Reading through just ONE magazine at nap-time is impossible.  and #2 Holy mother of Jesus shouldn't I be skinny from all the trips up and down the stairs?!?

Voice of Reason

You have to love the world wide web.  Jane, my Voice of Reason, long ago dubbed me the Internet Queen... or something like that.  Want to find something online?  Ask Nicole!  I'm an expert at finding things online.

I'm so tempted sometimes to blog about things that I know end up being so passive aggressive.  I don't like to be passive aggressive.  I honestly like to just spit it all out, say it like it is.  But, as much as I'd like, I am trying to replay a conversation I had with Jane not long ago... she is such my Voice of Reason when I want to be immature and passive aggressive.  I need to be the bigger person.  I AM the bigger person.   I don't need to call anyone out on their digs toward me, funny as it may seem.  I AM the bigger person.   And maybe, if I just keep telling myself that, I will wash away the urge to push back, to get in the last word, to call out someone's bluff.

Love and Logic

I received three Love and Logic books for Christmas. I've read one- Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants. I'm definitely falling into the Drill Sergeant category, despite all efforts to be a good "Consultant. (one who guides the child into making correct decisions, who guides them to be good problem solvers and to think for themselves)" I've began reading Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood and so far its a great book although I'm having a hard time figuring out how to apply it to Porter's issues.

See... Porter is a great problem solver. He's great at thinking for himself.

Want those cookies opened?
Go get the scissors and open them yourself!

Can't reach the scissors?
Drag a chair into the kitchen from the dining room.

Made a mess with the baking soda all over the kitchen floor?
Attempt to sweep it up with the broom before mom comes downstairs.

Mom didn't cut up my grapes for lunch?
Get out a knife and do it yourself.

I'm just not sure what to do with the kid anymore! Aside from attaching him to me with one of those child leashes, its ridiculous how much trouble he can get into when left alone for just a minute. Like today.... I was in the bathroom getting ready and Porter was in there with me. He said the hair dryer was too loud so he walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Signal #1. I thought... hmm... he must be getting into something. I turned off the hairdryer, literally seconds after he closed the door, and walked out of the bathroom and into his room to find him with the can of Hudson's formula (which had been on the table in the hall) dumped on his bedroom floor. GAHH! I blew a fuse for sure and out the door went all the Love and Logic. DAMN!

I'm wondering if I need to get the Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless because he definitely leaves me speechless many times a week.

Let me just tell you how much I HATE dogs. And carpet.

GRRRR. Its been a month from hell with our carpet. Let me just note.... our house is 90% wood floors... the only room that is carpeted is the playroom and we have area rugs in the boys room and in the living room.

I hate carpet.

We always said when we moved the first thing we'd do is replace all the carpet with wood or Pergo. And lucky us, our house is almost completely wood. I'll bet you that soon will be 100% wood.

Let me back it up. See, when we moved in the playroom carpet was kind of yuck, but it was fine for now. Then one of the dogs were left in the house too long and peed in the playroom. (WHY not the kitchen which is ceramic tile???) We tried and tried to clean it up with no avail. So we replaced the carpet with a remnant that Ry's dad had.

$50 for the pad
$75 to install the carpet

Ahhh... life is good. Fresh, new, clean carpet.

A week later someone wet their pants in the playroom leaving a nice pee puddle. Then one of the dogs started sniffing it out and peed next to it. So my entire living room and playroom stunk like pee. GRR. I have a super sensitive nose and it drove me CRAZY. We used cleaner after cleaner (even professional odor eliminator from my grandma) and still weeks later it still reeked of pee (probably b/c the pee was down in the pad).

So on Monday we had the carpet cleaned (by Breezy Clean Carpets in Jackson... I recommend them-- super cheap $25/room!!). And within 2 days my carpet was fresh and clean and non stinky.

And then tonight... that damned Zoey went in there and PISSED on the same "marked" spot AGAIN! Luckily we got to it right away but I can guarantee you I'll still be able to smell pee. My nose is so dang sensitive.

I give up. If the pee smell is still there next week, we're just going to have to rip out the carpet and put down wood. I'm so over carpet. I hate hate hate carpet!!

God help me...

If I hear "NO!" or "Don't tell me to _________!" one more time today........

Shredder

Porter is frustrating me. The kid keeps tearing up his books... as in peeling the covers off or ripping pages. This is a new behavior... he's never ever ripped books other than on accident. We've always had his thin paperback books out for him to access- even as a10/11 month old. And he's always treated his books nicely from the time he became interested in books/reading (around 11 months old).

Why now? Why at 2.5, when he's obviously old enough to understand you DON'T rip up your books, would he start destroying them?

Kids confuse me.

This move sucks.

This would be so much easier if we were just moving to our own, new house. But, no. Of course it can't be easy.

• We not finished packing... because honestly who has time to pack with a two year old and a newborn. We got quite a bit done before Hudson was born, but now things have been on a standstill. I don't have time during the day to barely brush my teeth let alone head downstairs to pack up my office... which is the biggest mess thus far. A good deal of the upstairs is packed, but the office... it has a long way to go. And, I guarantee today nothing will get done either.
  
• I'm stressing about mail and address changes... it'll all be temporary and the chaos will be doubled with changing address twice in the next month or two.... Ugh.
• Our internet/cable/home phone/cell phone.... talk about a pain. We have a bundle service through AT&T. We can do a "vacation" deal where we pay a certain percent of our bill until we are in a permanant home, but its still going to be a good portion of the bill. If we cancel fully, we have to return our Dish Network boxes, lose all our DVR'd movies we have paid for on PPV, and will have to have all that reconnected at the new house. Ugh.
  I've spent the last half hour on the phone with numerous techs and I've jotted down the details and my head is now spinning. I'm going to leave it for Ryan this afternoon... he normally deals with services and stuff so I'll let him make the executive decisions on all that.

Packing. Moving. I just don't even know when or where to start. I thought maybe today I'd take some clothes or something out to my mom's but I honestly just don't know where to start with things! And my computer... I've wanted to back up things on there before we move and I haven't had time this week. I have a small window of time during P's naptime, but usually I'm exhausted by then and am needing a quick nap, or Hudson is awake. And this week Ryan has had class or something or other going on so he really hasn't been home one night this week. I thought I was almost through this hellish week but now I'm realizing its almost ended but things are still left so undone and I'm more stressed than ever. Especially seeing we have TWO days to get this house packed and get the hell out.

I may be bald by the end of the weekend. Which might not be such a bad thing... hair take up a lot of time to style in the mornings HAHA!

So so sick of it

I'm so freaking sick of drama.... sick of every two hours something new and stressful comes up.

I'm sick of
big decisions
feeling like my mind is racing in 50 directions
being so tired
waiting
my dramatic family
money
student loans
decisions about going back to college this fall
with this effing housing market
being so pregnant
and not knowing what is going to be happening with our house and Hudson being born in the next 4 weeks.

Can I skip to next fall, please?

C'mon... pile on a few more things... maybe I'll just end up in a mental ward.

Sappy Sloth

That's about the extent of my existence today. I've been a slacker mom and a slacker wife since I walked in the door after work. I actually got a decent nights sleep last night- 11:30pm to 7am, and I was more tired than ever at work. I got home and Ry made dinner (hot dogs and brats on the grill) and after that I just crashed... my mood and energy and emotions went downhill. I sat on the couch most of the evening feeling sorry for myself and trying to fight back tears of frustration and whatever else emotion my psychotic pregnancy brain was feeling. Ryan was awesome and entertained Porter all night while I sat and stared across the living room like a zombie. I did manage to hobble into P's bedroom to watch them put together puzzles and train tracks, but still the extent of my involvement was watching from the lying position in P's bed, peeking through the mesh on his bedrail.

Here's my "woe is me" list

• My hip hurts. My right hip- same as with Porter. Painful to bend over, walk etc. Great stuff
• Inner thighs feel like I've done a zillion leg lifts or whatever... it is painful and slow to get moving after sitting for even a short period of time
• Its getting hard to breath, my lungs and insides feel crunched
• I'm sick of feeling achy muscle pulls throughout my abdomen from everything stretching, or from moving weird and crunching Hudson beneath my ribs etc...
• My boobs are disgusting and I hate looking in the mirror. Doesn't help that I have to pee a zillion times a day and, oh gee... what is in front of ever freaking sink when I wash my hands? A nice mirror to highlight my humongous boobs that happen to each be the size of my head.
  
• Speaking of pee... I pee all the freaking time. About once an hour. Thank God I have a bathroom in my room at school. I'm sure the two other teachers that split the room with me wonder if they'll ever hear an hour without that damn toilet flushing.
  
• Hudson seems to find these wonderful positions to lay in and trap my intestines or whatever... and I end up feeling gassy and crampy and bloated and super uncomfortable. I wake up at least once a night in pain because I feel like my intestines are all bloated.
  
• I feel acidy and puke up the back of my throat after almost every meal. Hot dog acid is not fun tasting.
  
• We need groceries and have nothing good (aka... fatty) to eat. I want ice cream. It'll be so great with my acidy stomach. I wish McDonalds delivered- I'd order a Shamrock Shake.
  

I know, I know... I should shut my mouth and be thankful I'm pregnant. I am, really, but I'm just having such a blue day and I'm feeling like this is never going to end and its stressing me out that I'm already having downer days and I still have 9 weeks to go. I just can't wait to be able to MOVE normally- to bend over and pick my fucking shoes off the floor and put them on my feet without physically lifting my foot and craning it back to lean on my knee. To pick up Porter without feeling out of breath. To get off the couch and it not feel like an olympic event. Yes... I realize... I still have freaking 9 weeks to go. That's what scares me.

So, anyhow... I guess I should have posted this on over on the baby's website but then I felt bad sounding like a wench in his pregnancy journal. Therefore, it shall be posted here. And now I'm off to attempt to find something to make me happy for an hour or two before bed.

Night from Hell

Its 3:15am and I'm awake here on the couch. Why, you ask?

Let's start with Monday. I was exhausted from the busy weekend we had. Taking P to Caeserland and hosting a party wore me out. I spent my day cranky at my students and near about falling asleep all day. My eyes were achy and sore and tired. I came home and took a half hour nap and was no where near a decent mom all evening. Cranky and tired.

I headed to bed at 11:30, only to be kept awake for the next 2 hours by Ryan's snoring. I tried being nice and asking him to roll over, but that still didn't help. No, his nose isn't stuffed. Its something with his throat and he breathes heavier than a swine pig. I think he needs some kind of trachea tube to prop it open or something. Who knows. So, I spent 2 hours elbowing/kneeing/heeling/kicking him every time he snored/breathed. We have a fan in our room for "white noise". Les suggested it to block his snoring. Well, we've always had a fan and his snoring is louder than the fan. Anyhow, Ryan got hostile and rude and yelled at me to leave him alone. Well, if I can't fall alseep because of his snoring then he surely isn't going to get to sleep decent. Then he kept arguing that he WASN'T snoring. Oh, of course honey. I just enjoy spending 2 hours a night kneeing/kicking/elbowing you for the sheer joy of it.

THEN... just as I was getting close to dreamland despite his noisiness... Porter comes in. And the night continues. After about 3 times of him interrupting my near-dreamland sleep I absolutely lost it and turned into the psycho mother on "Mommy Dearest" chasing him into his bed screaming that "If his G.D. dad would stop snoring and he's keep his @$$ in bed I'd get a decent night sleep." or something along those lines. Of course I felt horribly rotten afterwards.

I went back to bed to have Hudson doing somersaults and to hear Ryan snoring in my ear in which I elbowed him another 5 or so times. I finally got up, as I was way beyond the falling asleep point and I was just plain pissed and wide awake. I threw on a shirt and bra and went to Meijer at 2:30 in the morning and bought a twin sized air mattress, bananas and strawberries. Tomorrow night... err... tonight... I'm sleeping in Hudsons room with the door locked so Porter can't bug me and I can't hear Ryan snoring.

So, as of now, I"m on the couch. Hoping Porter doesn't get up as his door is right near the end of the couch. I'm wide awake and hungry and irritated and I'm probalby going to call into work tomorrow as I am sure I'll be super bitch and super tired after the night of hell I just had. I'm calling the doc tomorrow to see about getting some sleeping pills. I want something to knock my ass out at night.

Alright... off to get a snack and attempt to sleep for 3 hours.

Want some cheese with that whine?

This is the whiny face I've dealt with for the past week. Ugh. He is driving me crazy.

The lack of sleep I'm getting at night + the lack of sleep he's getting at night (he is up like... every freaking hour moseying into our room) + my insane pregnancy hormones + my husband being overly moody and lazy + Porter's whinyness = one ready to leave the world behind mama. Ugh. I won't elaborate. Let's just say I have had a "I hate my life" weekend. My mom kept Porter overnight (last night, I guess you'd say, as its now 1:30am on Monday morning). I should be catching up on sleep. What the hell am I doing blogging? Oh, yeah, sharing that pathetic little face. And these...

He's been into building with his nesting blocks this weekend. He was cracking me up with his tongue sticking out the entire time.

**************
My bribe to get him to sit still for me.

********************
Lazy daddy and Porter joining him...**************************
He came out of our bedroom and told me this.... "Shhhh! Daddy sleeping!"


**********************
With this sweet face, how can the whining irritate you that long?

This is what is so frustrating

Cuts affect Schools

How can I ever hope for a job if every year there are more and more budget cuts, more and more teachers being laid off, and more scrimping for schools? What is going to become of our education system? Most classes have near 30 students in them. How can we expect to educate our students when the funding is not there???

This only depresses me more to think that I went so in debt to become a teacher. And only encourages me more to seek other career opportunities outside of the education field.

Bad blogger... random thoughts.

I've been bad at blogging lately (and it seems like all the blogs I stalk have been kinda slow with the posts lately too....). I can't tell you how many times a day I think "Oh, I could blog that." but at the end of the day, when I'm by the computer, the idea has left my mind.

So, today I'm going to jot down some random things, thoughts, ideas, etc...

• Funny. In class today, Mo (teacher) was explaining an assignment to the kids. A.V., a little girl thats quite young for 1st grade, and a little "scattered", I might add, said to her out of the blue...
  
  "Do you want to buy any cookies from me?"
  
  Mo says (a bit sarcastically, as the random comments from A.V. can get annoying): "Do you have any diet cookies?"
  
  A.V. stares at her, looks confused, and says "Uh... I'll just ask Mrs. Barczak." (as in, forget it... I have no clue if we have diet cookies, I'll move on to the next potential customer HAHA)



• I have found a resolution for this year. Well, I have numerous ones, but this one I think will be the most important.
  
  Be positive and try to find the good in everyone.
  
  I recently found out some information about someone I am pretty close with... someone who is always a very negative person, always bad talking people. Well, I've become one of those people this person bad talks. And I've done nothing to provoke the bad-talking. See, its one thing to vent/air your frustrations about friends/family if there was an incident or something that provoked it. They hurt your feelings, let you down, did something mean to you. But to just bad talk someone for no reason, for just the thrill of being a mean, bitter person?
  
  I have often found myself acting negative for no reason, and I realize... I don't like the me that does that. I don't want to be negative just to be negative (now, its a different story if someone has done something to make me mad/irritated/let down... I feel that venting bad feelings is a way of getting over it...).
  
  If I look for the good in these people, the reason in these people... maybe I will find that...
  
  Maybe those people who are flakey or unreliable are just insecure and unable to keep their promises/decisions.
  
  Maybe the people who are negative and bad talking were just raised that way, they don't realize they are acting the way they are.
  
  Maybe the people who drive too slow have, in the past, lost someone they loved in an accident and are just extra caution when driving.
  
  Maybe I'm just making excuses for them, but maybe, just maybe, this will help me to become a better person. A more caring person. A more positive person.
  
  So, that is my resolution... I'm going to try to be more positive about people instead of assuming the worst. Look on the bright side, look at the positive qualities. Maybe it will help some relationships that are tattered right now.
  
  
• Jess and I have been discussing lots of business ideas for "when" she moves to MI. OHHH I really hope this is a for sure thing. I'm so excited at the thought of Jess and Ryan and the girls living close by!
  
  
• Toys R Us ticks me off. I went to exchange a toy Porter got two of for Christmas, which came from there as it was a Toys R Us brand... and there was a big sign by their return counter that said "NO returns or exchanges without a sales receipt or gift receipt" (ok, so that wasn't the exact wording, but close). The girl came to the counter and asked if she could help me and I said "No, I guess not. I have a toy to exchange but I don't have a receipt. It is a Toys R Us trademark brand though..." Nope, she said they wouldn't let her do it. Ugh. Ok... think positive... Maybe someone ripped off the store and they had to implement this new policy. (ughhhhhhhh.... so, thats one store I'll not be buying much from anymore).


• I got to chat with Kristi Mangan today, so cool! There's some new changes going on with the Design Team and she called to chat/vent about it. Its always fun to get phone calls out of the blue.
  
  
• Michigan finally has snow. Well, I think Sunday evening was when the snow arrived... about time! Its JANUARY in MICHIGAN... what is up with that?
  
  I guess that is about it for now.