Not Me Monday

• It was not me you saw last week carrying screaming 3 year old like a sack of potatoes on my hip, a camera bag, a large purse and large backpack full of books and HotWheels onto a plane.
  
  
• I did not yell at my 5 year old to "get out of his way" when he was kicked accidentally by the flailing 3 year old who was hanging off my side in a fit.
  
  
• I most definitely did not drive halfway to a session (an hour) and stop for gas only to realize I didn't have my wallet.  Or any form of money at all.
  
  
• I did not have to accept $10 from a complete stranger and feel like a total flake.
  
  
• It was certainly not me who arrived at my clients house, whom I had never met, and ask her if she could front me some cash to get gas and apply it to her print order later. I would never make first impressions like that.
  
  
• I do not give my children the soft strawberries while saving all the nice, firm and perfectly ripe strawberries for myself.  Who does that?!
  
  
• I did not give my sassy 3 year old a pop on the mouth that consequently gave him a bloody nose.  I promise, he gets bloody noses really easily.
  
  
• I would never, ever under any circumstances let my 3 year old eat an opened bag of Gummy Lifesavers that he found in the seat pocket of the airplane.  That is a terrible idea, no matter how much tantruming and crying it resolved would spare everyone from hearing on the flight.
  
  
• I did not yell "Stop it, Porter! Go see Grandma!" to a stranger in the bathroom at the airport when I heard the bathroom stall door jiggle.  I would never make a rash assumption without knowing for sure it was Porter.
  
  
• I do not tell my children that "bugs will start living under their nails" in order to get them to let me cut their dirt filled fingernails.  When Hudson told me "I want bugs under them" I did not tell him the bugs would then start eating his fingers  No, that's a recipe for nightmares.
  
  
• I did not pretend to call the gypsies to have a "babysitter" come stay with Porter when he said he didn't want to go on a bike ride "Unless you let me ride in the bike trailer, Mom!!!"  My kids definitely do not think "gypsies" are mean babysitters who make you eat dirt.  No, not me.
  
  
• I did not tell the cashier at the airport "Yes, just the water will be all.... unless you sell tranquilizers." That would certainly give one the wrong impression of my parenting skills.  Or lack thereof in a frazzled moment.  Or frazzled hour... or frazzled day.  Whatever. 

Not Me Monday: 5.4.09

Awhile back I found this fabulous blog post idea... Not Me! Monday... on MckMama's blog. (those of you who don't know her already... you'd better check out her blog! ) Seemed like a great spin off from my Thought For Thursday posts which spread like wildfire but as of late I've noticed have dwindled significantly in the blog world.

• I did not secretly smirk when I heard the dog ate your buffalo wings, honey. Nope. Not me. Not after you conveniently swung by BWW after class while I was home with two cranky children. No, I wouldn't smugly smirk at the thought of the dog enjoying your dinner.



• I did not forget to mail my dad's birthday card. I am always on top of those things! No. Not me!



• I did not notice an ant crawling across the floor next to Hudson and turn a blind eye to it. No, that would be disgusting! Not me!
  



• I am definitely not still tossing a bottle to Hudson on the random nights he wakes up fussing and won't go back to sleep. If plugging in the sucky doesn't work, I am definitely not giving into him. Not me!
  
  


• This past weekend I promise you did not hear me confess to my husband that I was actually starting to like my van. No, that was not me. And it surely wasn't me who suggested we should have a total of 4 kids, you know, to fill up our van. No... not me. Never!
  
  


• In our yard, you will not see a certain 3 year old boy drop his pants and pee in the yard. And if you did, it was defintely not me who encouraged it.
  
  


• And this weekend I did not turn a blind eye to that same 3 year old boy who got his clothes wet while washing his quad and decidedly stripped to his birthday suit and continued to wash his quad. No. Not me.
  
  


• I did not finally empty our sink full of dishes, counter crusted with food and juice and crumbs only for the exterminator. No. Not me. I defintely would not want him to get the idea that the food and juice and crumbs might have something to do with the ants? Because, honestly, our house is never dirty. Ever.
  
  


• I did not laugh when my Ryan told Porter to eat his eggs off the floor, like a dog. Because he purposely threw them on the floor, not wanting to eat them. No, I would not support that type of parenting. I did not point out to the whining three year old that he was not being treated like a dog... dogs don't get forks. No... not me.

Come on, join in! But remember, it was not me who got you addicted. ;-)