Fish and Chips and Vinegar

Remember that song? Well, the tune has been playing through my head all weekend, except with the substitute words "Piss and Shit and Vinegar."

Yes, you heard me.

That's what my weekend has consisted of.

Last Thursday Ryan woke up to Porter standing by his side of the bed, pants off, next to a pile of diarrhea. Looked like a total accident. Porter was upset, yadda yadda yadda. We consoled him, cleaned it up and moved on.

Then, on Friday I think, I twice found pee on Porter's rug in his bedroom. A stripe of pee and then a little puddle. Two separate times. He confessed. I wondered if it was an accident and really didn't scold him too much.

Aubri and Addi stayed the night Friday and on Saturday morning I woke up to find Aubri and Porter awake in his room.

Aubri had just a shirt on. Porter had just a random pair of pj shorts and was scrubbing a pile of poop into his rug with a paper towel (told you he was a good problem solver).

What. The. Hell.

Aubri said that Porter peed on her pants (although we're still not clear on what really happened as her underwear were soaked like she peed her pants and Heather had told me the night before that she'd been peeing her pants lately.... BUT... she typically cries when she pees her pants- she gets upset about it). Porter said he pooped and was cleaning it up.

What a mess!!

So, I yelled at Porter for pooping and told him if I found him peeing or pooping on the floor again I'd make him wear diapers again and he'd have to sit in his poop and pee in his diaper like a baby does.

Not long after, he and Aubri went to go downstairs in the basement. I went to stop them as I have all my scrapbook stuff set up and when Porter has an audience he likes to get crazy. I walk downstairs to see Porter pulling his underwear up..... and streaks of pee all over the carpet. Ohhh he tried to pull those pants up fast as I flew down the stairs to crack his bare butt.

Fast forward to yesterday.... Porter got up from his nap, we all got ready for Donnie's birthday party and just before we were leaving I walked into Porter's room to find another streak and puddle of pee.

I went downstairs and turned Porter's tv show off and asked him if there was anything in his bedroom he needed to tell me about. He said no. I told him we needed to go up to his room and have a talk. He whined the whole way and as we entered his room I asked him "Is there anything you need to tell me about?" He immediately had that "oh..... yeah" look.

He confessed. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!

I told him that if he was going to be a baby and pee on the floor then he'd have to wear diapers. I made him put on a diaper and take off his underwear... told him he couldn't wear his new Mickey Mouse underwear because babies don't wear underwear. Then we took away all of his underwear in his drawer and replaced it with his nighttime diapers (which are just regular size 4 diapers).

He was upset, and thus far no pee puddles. He's still going potty in the toilet, which I was worried we were just going to regress back into diaper mode again.

THEN.... when we got home from the Huff's, it was late as we'd stayed to have margaritas and watch some shows, I was quickly picking up the house before heading to bed. I took some toys into the toy room and stepped in something wet. PEE!

I asked Ryan if the dogs had been in the house and he said no. He went up stairs and I heard him talking to Porter and asking him why he would do that. Porter said he'd peed in the toy room before we left. GRRRR!!!

I have no idea what the hell to do. Has anyone else ever had this type of situation? Is he trying to get attention? Is he just being a punk? What is going on? I should mention.... Porter has been potty trained for 6 months and we've had maybe 2 accidents in that time. These are not accidents. There are no wet underwear, no wet pants. He's pulling his pants down and PEEING ON MY FLOOR!