Life.

I never imagined blogging would take such a backseat to life, but lo and behold it has.  I'm trying hard to release the grip on my intense guilt of not documenting our lives very well in the past couple years.  I am trying to give myself grace and realize that it's not going to make or break our lives and it's the moments we live that matter, not the ones we write down.  However, I can't help but feel like those moments not documented have fluttered off into the wind like dust.  

Life is crazy busy.  Always.  Even though Ryan is home it still feels like we are always on the go and always in need of an extra hand or two.  Tuesday's and Thursday's are our crazy days.  

Amelia is in gymnastics on Tuesday mornings.  She's been going for about a year and really loves it.  However, she has a hard time focusing and listening in class which is so so frustrating for me to watch.  The girl is fearless and so strong and active and loves gymnastics but she also loves to do her own thing, which leads to her not always following rules in class.   

Hudson had been going to Brain Balance sessions 3 days a week in Birmingham.  It's been a loooong year so far having to drive him an hour away 3 times a week.  That's essentially about 3.5 hours of our night, gone.  (think: rush hour traffic).  His teacher has noticed a lot of improvement in his behavior (though there are still many struggles we are trying to overcome) so we are pressing forward and hopefully will "graduate" in June or July.  

Porter is playing Lacrosse, which practices on Tuesday and Thursday's.  Can I get a hell yeah for practices right after school?  It's been amazing to be able to just go pick him up and not have to drive to practice and stay there during.  As with all sports he's played, he enjoys it but doesn't have a passion for it.  He plays, but he's so not competitive and is pretty lackadaisical about playing.  Someday I hope to figure out what makes this boy light up and be inspired.   

when your tuesday feels like monday

Today has been so chaotic and jumbled and I feel like neither Ryan nor I have enough arms or eyes to keep on top of things.  Our living room looks like our closets exploded.   Loads and loads and loads of laundry are waiting to be folded.  Ack.   The kids have been running wild.  Eloise is being super needy today.  Not fussy... just... she wants to be held.   She's also been more awake lately and she's still in that awkward stage where she can't play or interact much, but just wants to be awake.  And held.  

• We took a last minute camping trip over teh weekend.   We had a great time but.... we had limited wifi/cell service so I am spending a huge part of my day catching up on work I got behind on over the weekend.
  
• We have both been scrambling to get together last minute documents and information and letters to get our mortgage on the new house loan wrapped up.
  
• Speaking of... buying a house and being self employed is like jumping through a million hoops. We've had to write letters with proof of when I started with Young Living, and letters stating our intent of keeping our current house off the market until we move, and letters from our CPA stating they have in fact done our taxes and that we still have our LLC.
  
• I signed the boys up for football and soccer camp in the new town we're moving to, and signed Hudson up for a Cookies and Canvas class too.  I'm hoping that they can at least meet a few kids that will be in their school so they have a few familiar faces when school starts.  Porter thinks he wants to try lacrosse in the spring too.
  
• I have been obsessed with Pinterest and planning what we're going to do with the house once we move in, as well as trying to figure out how we're going to lay out our horse pastures etc.  I have no clue what I'm doing, by the way, when it comes to horse pastures!  But then this leaves me thinking... we need to clear out the wooded area to make pastures.  When will we have time for that?  
  
• I think I'm going to board Lacey this fall/winter so that we can try to get settled into the house, get some of the property cleared for more pasture land, and I'll have access to an indoor arena to ride (score!).   So, calling boarding stables in the area is on my list as well this week.
  
• I'm chomping at the bit to get things scheduled before we leave for Convention in August.  We're going to have someone come in and do the floors and paint the interior of the house while we're gone... or at least that's my plan... but I have a feeling dates aren't going to line up like I want HAHA!
  
• We should have a closing date in the next 2 weeks or so!  This is exciting... as it may give us about an extra week before we leave for Dallas.   Did I mention we have 2 trips planned in August... so we'll be gone 14 out of the 31 days in August?  I'm not sure how we're supposed to move in the middle of all that!
  
• My brain is just in 53 different directions.  I'm making lists on top of lists on top of lists on top of lists.  Work Lists.  Moving Lists.  Kids Activities Lists. Chore Lists.  Team Lists.  Finding New Doctors/Insurance/Barns/Vet/Dentist/Church Lists.  New House Project Lists.    Scrapbook/Project Life/Photo Book Lists.  Childcare While We're Gone Lists.  Summer Camp Lists.
  
• I'm finding myself wishing that time would hurry up so  can get into the new house, get this house on the market and get settled into life again.   But then, I'm realizing that summer is going by SO FAST and that technically once we're settled into the house means summer is over!  Catch 22 there.  

The boys have Nerd Camp tonight.  Tomorrow I have a full day of coaching calls with my team, and then I got a phone call today reminding me of Eloise's ultrasound appointment tomorrow (which I had completely forgotten about). Plus I have dinner with a friend to cram in there too.   Ryan's going to be single dad-ing it up tomorrow, that's for sure.  Sorry, honey! 

losing at jumanjii

The past 2 weeks have been insanely busy and overwhelming.   Let's see... the chaos seemed to start the week before Eloise was born.

• We had the floors put in, so that was 3 days of jumbled, unorganized mess. 
• Hudson's birthday- which we didn't celebrate in our typical "party" way... which crushed me a little bit
• Eloise arrived that weekend
• Baseball games 2-3 nights a week
• Dance rehearsal one evening
• Dance recital one afternoon
• Field Day at Porter's school
• Author readings at P's school
• P's end of the year class party
• Hudson had a Memories Party with his class one evening
• The horse had her hooves trimmed one day, and another day the vet was out to the barn for shots
• Eloise has had 2 baby well visits in the past week
• Multiple chiropractor appointments
• I've been planning Hudson's actual birthday party we're having for him next weekend
• Drake, the dog, has been to the vet 2 times in the past 2 weeks 
• I've been desperately trying to catch up on work, and get things out for June for my teams, as well as follow up with my team members from May.  I'm feeling overwhelmed because people still need me and are still coming to me as their leader but I'm just drowning.  

Let me tell you.... I am SO SO relieved school is over.  This has to be the busiest end of the year ever. My house... I saw this funny joke on the internet the other day "My house looks like I'm losing a game of jumanjii"  Oh yes, yes it does.  The kids have brought home all their crap from school, we have laundry galore, never ending dishes and just kid stuff EVERYWHERE.  GAH!  I can't wait to be able to focus a little bit and not be on the run so much.  Hopefully we can try to relax a little bit this summer?? 

firefly nights

Tonight was one of those marvelous, once in a blue moon nights where life just seems perfect.  I almost missed out on these moments... I originally had plans to ditch the family after Kidz Kamp night and go for a few drinks.  The kids have been driving me bonkers at home lately.  It's been a Long, rainy week. 

Anyhow, at church Ry decided he wanted to go to outback to eat after the Kidz Kamp event was over and the kids begged for brown bread.  It was 7:30 and I knew we were asking for a disaster.  We are gluttons for punishment and always leave dinners at restaurants thinking "why did we do this again??"   But anyhow, we went to outback.  
The kids were amazing.  Sure they got antsy but for the most part they were great!  They ate their food, kept themselves entertained and we treated them with desert.  We all shared a chocolate thunder in which no one whined over anyone else getting more than them.  We left and I couldn't stop praising the kids for their good behavior.

On the way home Ry said to me "do you hear that?"  Yup. It was the sound of the boys talking and laughing and conspiring together.  Happily!   No fighting!  In this moment they were best friends.  Partners in crime.  

We got home and noticed there were fireflies outside.  We ran in and got a jar and went out back to catch some. They spent a good 20 minutes chasing the fireflies and filling their jars.  It was the perfect end to a summer night. 
Here's to hoping they sleep in in the morning!

Start of something good

Everyone knows life has its ups and downs
one day you're on top of world
and one day you're the clown

well I've been both enough to know
that you do'nt wanna get in teh way when its working out
the way that it is right now

I know its gonna take some time
but I've got to admit
that the thought has crossed my mind
this might end up like it should....

I'm starting to believe that
this could be the start of something good.

Each night before I go to bed I think to myself.... I don't have to go to work tomorrow.  I get to stay home with my babies.  I get to be my own boss.  And each day, as I blow a kiss to Porter as the school bus pulls away, as I snuggle Miss Amelia and chat with Hudson and pack up the van to go pick up Porter from school I think "I can't believe this is my life right now."

I really, truly can't.

I never ever in my life imagined myself a stay at home mom.  And, while I am still technically working, I am pretty much that- a stay at home mom.  Its crazy to me.  Crazy that we're trying this out.  Crazy that so far it's working.  Crazy that something I thought was so unobtainable, something that I sat with my therapist a year ago crying over, is now my reality.  It just took a leap of faith.  A big leap of faith.

"I know its gonna take some time
but I've got to admit 
that the thought has crossed my mind
this might end up like it should..."

I have a lot of work ahead of me.... I have a business to revamp, I need to get myself back out on the market (after taking 6+ months off during pregnancy/maternity leave) and make a name for myself once again.  I have faith, though, that this will work and that I don't have to return to the work force outside of the home if I don't want to.  I know there will be sacrifices.  I know that there are things we're putting off for the time being (namely, paying on student loans... aaack.) but my babies are only babies for so long.  And it hurts my mama heart to think of them grown and not needing me anymore.  I want to freeze time.  I look at old pictures and I can't believe my boys are not toddlers anymore.  I won't get those years back.  Ever.  This is the only way I know to preserve time- to spend more with them.  I just hope and pray this is the right direction.

Today I contemplated my schedule.  I played legos with Hudson.  I blogged some memories.  I giggled with Amelia as she rolled around on the floor.  I responded to a few clients and facebooked a bit.  Hudson and I baked cookies.  I rocked my baby girl.  I worked on a project for the kids.  I watched my goofy boy ride his tractor.  I thought to myself as Hudson laughed and giggled with me today... I pray he remembers this. I pray he remembers the good days with me.  There are so many good days.  There are so many bad days, too. Days I feel defeated and feel like a failure.  Days I want to quit and run away.  But the good days, ohhh the good days.  The days that fill my heart with happiness until I feel like it will choke me.  I pray those are the days, the memories he keeps with him for always.

I'm not sure where things will go from here.  I know that I'm leaving my the ideal that I used to have for my life in the past.  I'm putting faith in this path that I've been put on.  I'm going to enjoy it.  I'm going to follow it to wherever it may lead. This time in my life right now, this new chapter that is beginning.... yes I believe it could be the start of something good.  Something real, real good.

Friday Madness

Friday morning Porter's school was cancelled.  A high school teacher/coach had passed away in the middle of the night.  So so sad.  He was only 48, and a well liked person in our community.  While I felt terrible for the reason he was off school, it was so nice to have my 3 babies all home with me.  It was just like "old times" when I had Fridays with both boys.  Only this time Amelia was here too!

Our day was a bit dramatic.  Here are a few highlights (and some pictures to go with!)

Amelia was super needy throughout the morning.

The boys were in the front yard playing and climbing the tree.  I hear banging and laughter.  I look out and find a stool being thrown around the yard and Hudson peeing.  Nice.

Cooper ripped a hole in the fence and escaped.  The boys were insanely worried and wanted me to load up the van and drive all over God's green earth to find him.  Sorry.... not gonna do it.  He'll come back.  Porter had this great idea that just killed me.  "Mom, I'll draw a picture of a bird and tape it to a stick and Cooper will see it and want to chase it and he'll come back!"  And so he put his idea into action.  So so cute.

Then Mr. Mischief (Hudson) dumped out some of our art supplies in the dining room.  He said he was making me a project.  Mmmkay.  He told me he was picking out all the hearts.   I let him "create" for a bit then asked him to clean up.  Well... this is Hudson we're talking about.   Stubborn and lazy.  Porter even helped him clean up a bit but Hudson refused to finish the last few bits.  So, I let him sit there pouting.

During this standoff, Cooper had come back and was filthy- he'd been running through the swamp.  Porter and I decided to give the dogs a bath outside.

I came back in to find Amelia screaming and Hudson screaming, still refusing to finish picking up.  He cried and screamed for over an hour that "his belly hurts!" and "I'm hungry!"  all the while his lunch sat on the counter waiting for him to get over himself.  Yes, this boy would rather cry and scream and gag for an hour than just clean up his mess to begin with.  He did finally clean up.... momma always wins.  :)

It was definitely naptime by now.  We had plans to go to the Cruise In for the evening. It is a monthly event where the streets in downtown are blocked off and all sorts of old and new cars are shown off.  There are super old cars from the 1940's to brand new Transformer edition Mustangs.  Lots of eye candy for my guys, that's for sure.  We headed downtown around 6:30 and spent a good hour and a half checking out cars.

 

Week 1: Life with Three

So far so good!  This week hasn't been to crazy, and I've really felt great after this delivery.  (Warning... TMI for males coming up).  I dreaded the healing from delivery.  However, I only tore a little during delivery and aside from some uncomfortableness, my "bottom" isn't too painful this time.

Yesterday my milk came in and ohhh that's the 2nd thing I'd dreaded post-delivery.  I feel like Dolly Parton, except with lots of extra flab around the mid-section.  Gi-nor-mous.  I even contemplated nursing yesterday but recalled the "titty twister" feeling that both nursing and pumping brought on, as well as the headache that came along with my milk coming in (for all 3 pregnancies). I quickly remembered that I like my sanity a little more than the hassle of attempting to forge through nursing.  Ick.  So... I'm dosing up with Motrin (probably a little more than I should) and hoping the weekend goes by quickly and I can have halfway normal sized boobs soon!

Amelia has been such a content baby.  She reminds me a lot of Hudson as an infant.  Like him, she hasn't cried but once or twice all week.  When she wakes to eat she just grunts and roots around.  She doesn't mind her diaper being changed, or when I'm dressing her.  She has seemed a little spitty/reflux-y but nothing that makes her super irritable.  She seems to spit up more often than the boys ever did, and sometimes gags a little or stretches/crunches up like she has a bit of reflux, but it doesn't seem to be bothering her too terribly.

I'm still adjusting to her name.  I know that sounds silly.  But even after she was born I wasn't 100% set on her name but Ryan loved it.  Although, really the only other name I loved was Norah Lucille and he really didn't like it at all (said it reminded him of "Norwegian"... "Norahwegian" UGH!) .  I had this vision that if she was blonde like Hudson she'd be Amelia and if she was dark like Porter she'd be Norah.  And, well, she's dark featured. And I feel like she looks like a Norah.... and sometimes I feel like Amelia is a mouthful.  I keep wanting to shorten it to a nickname and that was one of the reasons I loved Norah- because it couldn't really be shortened to any obvious nicknames.   The boys' names aren't nicknamey... though we call them Poe and Bess, but they're not completely just shortened from their names.   Anyhow... I don't know.  I'm sure it'll grow on me, and I do love the name but just don't feel like it fits her yet.

The boys are adjusting really well to her.  Porter had a rough few first days and I felt awful for him.  He had a meltdown the night I stayed in the hospital after Amelia was born.  My grandma said he was inconsolable and just beyond reasoning with.  And then Tuesday morning he woke up and wanted to feed Amelia and I told him he could when she woke up, thinking she'd be awake soon.  She ended up not waking up until it was time for him to leave for school so he was really upset about that.  And THEN I had told him I'd print a picture of her for him to take to school, and I'd forgotten.  I tried to print one quickly from my phone and when he brought the picture up from the printer it only printed the top inch of it.  We didn't have time to figure it out and he was melting down because everything that morning was turning out wrong.  I know he felt like I'd lied to him, but that the root of it was he was just reacting to the changes and was so excited about Amelia and things weren't happening the way I'd said they would.  I felt terrible, though there really was nothing I could do.  I did get a picture printed later and had Ry run it up to the school for him and he was so happy about that.

Hudson is handling everything really well.  He has been so fun to be with during the week and he's just such a good helper and such a goofball!  I feel like I'm having conversations with him all day and he makes me laugh so much.  I'm so happy I'm getting what feels like "one-on-one" time with him right now.

As far as 3 kids... so far a piece of cake.  However, Porter is at school all day so really it is just Hudson, Amelia and I.  And let me say... this almost-4-year age difference sure is a walk in the park compared to the boys' 2 year age difference!   Amelia has been sleeping in during the morning.  Today I was able to get the boys fed, get Porter off to school on the bus (he is pretty good at getting himself ready for the most part), and I got a shower and did my hair/makeup before she woke up.   I am dreading this fall, though, when I go back to work and have to get ready in the morning with 3 kids.  I do have a feeling Porter will be quite a big help for me though.

I smell springtime!

I'm certain it is just a tease, but I'm going to enjoy the nice weather while we have it.  You never know... we could have a snowstorm next week!

So this entire week is supposed to be in the upper 60's, and I've heard tomorrow is supposed to be in the 70's.  My favorite weather!

The nice weather had all of us outside and doing spring-like things around the yard.  I totally overdid myself and am paying for it with lots of pain.
What I accomplished today:

• Nap with Hudson (from 2-4)
• Put together new outdoor dining table 
• Picked up all the garbage, chewed toys and shards of shredded sand buckets around the yard (thanks, Cooper!).
• Helped Porter learn to rollerblade
• Cleaned out the flowerbed by our mailbox (raked, pulled/clipped dead plants)
• Pruned plants in front landscaping
• Filled in 2 holes in another flowerbed that Cooper dug
• Played fetch with the dogs
• Gave the boys AND Cooper a bath (not at the same time)
• Did 2 loads of laundry

Okay, that does not seem like a lot, but man... it feels like a lot!  My body is killing me.  I want to lay in a hot bath but that'd mean I have to scrub out the tub from washing the dog and I just don't have the energy to do that. 

The boys and Ryan did a lot this evening too.... Ry's dad came over and we grilled out hotdogs.  Perfect first-grill-out to kick off spring.  Hudson played on the slide, Porter and Ry and Dave played baseball for a bit, the boys rode the gator and bikes, Porter rollerbladed.  WHEW.   Lots of fun!  

(Dunky Doo... he's such a doofus.  He has tape or some kind of plastic hanging from his lip beard and he has no idea!)

Don't mind us...

I didn't sleep well last night and woke up wishing I could just lay in bed allll day.  However, I had missed last weeks service at church b/c I was working in Hudson's class so I really wanted to go today.  I decided we'd throw on some clothes and grunge it for a day.

Unfortunately, my new yoga pants were in the laundry so I wore my old black ones- which I found out too late that they had a hole in the knee (just a small pencil eraser sized hole but STILL!!).  Old black yoga pants + chocolate brown Uggs + black maternity peacoat.  Niiiice.

And we got to church and realized none of us had brushed our teeth (EWWWW) and once Porter took his hat off I noticed the terrible bed head he had going on.  I'm talking frizzed up, matted, spikey mess in the back.  EEEEK!

I DID manage, however, to wet down and brush out Hudson's bed head before leaving the house.  I may or may not have used a dog brush because I was too lazy to go upstairs, but even if I did... it was purchased at Target in the people section.  And I cleaned it out first.  That counts, right?

So yes, we were a mess at church.  Good thing God doesn't judge!  And good thing Westwinds is about as laid back as it can get and its pretty dark in the auditorium for service.

Next week I'll try to look presentable, mmmkay?

Currently addicted to:

-Ticket to Ride app on my iPhone. We got the game for Xmas (after playing it at the Morrisons years ago!) and I found out they have an app. Awesome stuff.

-Pinterest. If you don't know what this is, you're missing out.

-Watching Americas Funniest Videos with the boys. We laugh so so hard watching these. The boys now try thinking of things to "set up" to happen and call it "an AFV moment". Haha! Porter shoveled the snow down to the end of the driveway and partially into the road. He ran inside and said "let's watch mom, a car will drive through it and it's going to be an AFV moment!". Haha!

-Frosted Flakes. I eat a bowl for breakfast every morning. And sometimes a bowl at night for a snack!

-Revenge, Greys Anatomy, The Bachelor and Parenthood. Love those shows!

my day in under 140c

• this morning started way too early.  9 am and the day was already 2 hours old.
• MY BIKE IS HERE MY BIKE IS HERE! The boys are excited too. Porter screams "That is WICKED!" Bah hahah!~
• Holy Lime Green!!
• oh my holy bike assembly. ugh. love the bike... its kind of big though. didn't realize 700c (in the item title) meant bigger (aka road) tires. its a little tall, but it fits. and its pretty!
• laundry laundry laundry.... good thing hulu has a few episodes of Real Housewives to watch.
• oma took the boys to see cars 2 (hudson's b-day present from her).  a couple kid free hours for me.  what am i doing? cleaning this house.  it is a sty!!
• today is the twinnies birthday.  happy birthday sweet girls! i can't believe it has been a year already since their amazing entrance to the world. congrats jane and adam... you survived the first year!!! :) 
• 
  

Busy as a beaver

I knew this weekend was going to be busy and tiring, but I didn't realize just HOW tiring it really was going to turn out.   Awhile back I schedule my Mommy and Me Mini Sessions for this morning, not thinking anything of it.  Well, it turned out to be Porter's first soccer practice and game.  I had 3 mini's scheduled and I really didn't want to try to coordinate all 4 of our schedules to change the date, so I decided I'd just have to miss his first game.  I knew it'd probably be harder on me than him and it probably wouldn't even bother him.

THEN my May client had her baby 5 weeks early so I had to fit her in somewhere and today was the only day that worked out.  So, I basically did photography from 9am to 4pm and that was exhausting!  I think the newborn session was what did it... they are exhausting in themselves, on top of an hour drive to Dearborn and also on top of 3 mini sessions wrangling and performing for the kiddos to keep their attention.

On my way to Dearborn, my newborn session, Ryan had texted me that Porter played and scored!  I got tears in my eyes and called right away.  I was so proud of him.  I talked to him and got so choked up on the phone I could barely talk.  Pathetic, I know.  He was super excited and said he LOVED playing.  Ryan told me that after they played he came off the field and said "That was AWESOME Dad.  I LOVE it!  I want to do this EVERY Saturday morning!"  Ahhhhhhhhhh!  That is so exciting to hear!  Porter is always so hit or miss with activities... things I think he'll love he always ends up balking at.  

My newborn session lasted about 3.5 hours... kind of on the long side but she invested a lot of money into packages/digital files so it was worth it!  I was so tired on my way home, and just was feeling homesick. I'm not sure why... Yesterday the boys and I had a great day together.  Porter had a doctor's appointment in the morning and then we WERE going to go to some garage sales but it was cold and rainy and the local ones had cancelled.  We settled on St. Vincent and a resale shop down the road from our house.  The boys each had $5 in their piggy banks and each bought a truck at St. Vincent (I picked up a great wood frame that I revamped for our upstairs bathroom... pics to come!).   At the local resale shop I scored a little dresser/nightstand for $15 and some children's books.  Porter was craving Los Tres Amigos and talked me into that for lunch.  If he'd had it his way we'd have been eating at 10am!  We opened them up at 11am and the 3 of us shared some soft shell tacos and chips with cheese and salsa. YUM!  The 3 of us took naps in the afternoon and then after Ryan got home he took Hudson to get dog food while Porter and I went to JoAnn.   We let the boys stay up late and do a little art project and then have a cookie and watch a show.  It was a great day, filled with lots of togetherness, so maybe that's what I was missing today?

The weather was gorgeous today... 75* and sunny.  We ordered pizza and ate outside while the kids played with the neighbors.  I love that our house has kind of a "mini neighborhood" between our neighbors.  The kids can go from any of the 5 houses in our little "neighborhood" and never go near the road.  Its perfect... the kids went up to Kyle and Chloes for ahwhile then over to Eian and Kennedy's to jump on the trampoline and then McKenna, the neighbors granddaugher, came over with popcicles after dinner.

By bedtime I was whooped and once I tucked Porter in I went to lay down for "30 minutes" and get a second wind.  Ryan tried to wake me up and I snapped at him to "not tell me what to do" and "no I'm not getting up right now I'm grumpy and tired!"  HAHA!  I ended up waking up at 11pm and apologizing and now here it is almost 2am and I've frosted cupcakes, been the Easter Bunny, got goodie bags for the nieces tomorrow and done some laundry.  Time for bed!  I'm going to spend all day tomorrow doing family things... no work and no worries.

Happy Easter everyone!!

What a Good Friday!

We were all up pretty early for our day off, but that's okay.  I got a little cleaning done.  The boys played together SO well pretty much ALL morning!  We never turned the tv on. They built a fort under the coffee table, played race cars in the basement, made beds on the floor in Hudson's room and did a Valentine's craft for Ryan.  Love these kids... and days like today make me wish I could be a SAHM (if only days like today were a normal occurrence!)

Ryan came home for lunch and brought us Arby's.  The boys laid down for "rest" a little earlier than (our) normal... we read a book together and then while they did "book walks" by themselves in bed I started a fire downstairs and read Eat, Pray, Love on the couch listening to the crackling fire.

Now I'm just about ready to get them up (well, Porter is up already... he rests for an hour) and head to my hair appointment.  I'm chopping it back off!

Happy Friday, All!

2011 so far... rocks!

So maybe I'm just on a high from all the changes and positive moves in my life thus far, but I read Cass' blog today and was inspired, yet again, to make more changes.  To SIMPLIFY more in my life.  Here me now... we are getting rid of our landline and Dish Network.

We need to cut corners more because, honestly, no matter how it looks from the outside the $$ is tight here.  Sure, we pay our bills and we are able to afford some "extra" things but here's the little secret...... nothing is getting saved.  Nothing.  And I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that we literally, seriously don't make that much money.  (Believe me, after a couple different gatherings with friends where $$/salaries were discussed, I realized... shit, we are the poor folk!  HAHA!)  I know once I start teaching, my income will at least double (yes, you read that right... a measly teacher's salary will at.least.double. my current earnings).  I'm okay living tight right now (alright... not that I wouldn't love to be making more money) but.....  I'm okay spending our extra on little trips and doing fun things with the kids even though that means not being able to put money away.  But it wouldn't hurt to cut corners here and there where we can so that once I am working a "full time" salaried career we will be able to squirrel away money and pay down the small debt we have (mostly LOTS of student loans, one vehicle and one credit card).  I think my goal for 2012 is to start the Dave Ramsey program... pending if I'm full time at that point.

WHEW..... so that was a loooong tangent.  Back to 2011 being awesome.  It is. Despite money woes...it really is.

• I've started Weight Watchers (the new PointsPlus program.... look me up on there if you're a WW'er.. I'm nic073) and thus far I'm doing great!  Down 3lbs!  I've found the new program to be a lot easier to follow, and I love the online tracking and the iPhone app!

• I've been exercising a couple times a week... Zumba is so kick ass and fun I just love it!

• I've remained off Zoloft and I feel that with other changes I've made that I'm doing better.

• My house is so organized and clean right now I feel at peace and happy being at home (although still quite a few rooms I want to de-clutter and organize even more).
  
  
• I'm ending my stint with photography and focusing more on my own family projects... Blog Books, Photo Albums, Scrapbooking and crafts with the kids. (this change is going to make a pretty big indent in the budget as well, as if things weren't already tight! Typically my photography income matches my Lit Coach income... if not double)
  
  
• I feel reconnected to so many things and people in my life and for the first time in awhile felt really connected with God.  Its a work in progress, isn't it always?  I feel this purge of things in my life has somehow shed layers off of me and brought me closer to things that really matter.  

I'm sure there's more.  Of course there is.  It seems like every turn I take I'm discovering something more to love about this year Twenty-Eleven. 

50 Reflections on 2010

It's that time already. Keeping with my tradition from 2007, 2008 and 2009, here we go...

1. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year it was to set some "goals" for this year... to get back into shape; to curse less; to yell less and be more patient with my kids.


2. What was the single best thing that happened this past year? I can't say there is a SINGLE best thing, but its been a good year. Probably our vacations/family trips... to Emerald Isle, Chicago, Silver Lake, Custer, two Girls Weekends and DC. I feel blessed we've been able to travel so much and do so much together as a family.

3. What was the single most challenging thing that happened? Probably going back to work with both of my regular sitters unable to care for the boys for a couple months. That was stressful, both emotionally and monetarily.

4. What was an unexpected joy this past year? Camping with family. Okay, this isn't totally "unexpected" but we did two LONG camping trips and we had a blast both times. The second trip we had rain all but one day, and despite the awful weather, we really had a great time and made some wonderful memories.



5. What was an unexpected obstacle? Dealing with betrayal and hurt dealt from someone I thought was a good friend. Learning to move on and let go, learning to lean on those who have my best interest in mind. Having to walk away from a 14+ year friendship.


6. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
 Began taking Master's classes. Also went on a Mom/Daughter weekend with my mom and sister.


7. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? More patience and money. And time. I'd love more time.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


9. What was your biggest failure?
 Gaining weight. Yelling at my kids.

10. Did anyone close to you give birth?
 Katie (Adrian Michael) and Jane (Lyla Claire and Jillian Kate)

11. Did anyone close to you die?
 No, thank God.

12. What states/countries did you visit?
 North Carolina, Virginia, Washington DC,

13. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?



14. How did you spend Christmas?
 Christmas Eve was at Lori and Don's house. Christmas Day we stayed home, in our pj's. Very relaxing day!

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
 I turned... 29. Ryan and I went out to dinner with the Huffs, as Don and I share the same birthday.

16. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 Hmmm nope not really.

17. What was the best thing you bought?
 My 50mm f/1.4. Love it!

18. Whose behavior merited celebration?
 Porter's. He has blossomed so much in preschool this year!

19. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
 Leslie's. I'd never have expected her to stab me in the back the way she did.


20. Where did most of your money go?
 Mortgage and bills. Where else would it go?

21. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 Christmas Day... seeing the excitement the boys had and how magical the holiday was for them this year.

22. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? 
 happier
b) thinner or fatter? 
 fatter
c) richer or poorer?
 poorer (how do I keep getting poorer every year!?)

23. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year? As always, being the best mom I can be to my boys. I'll never be perfect, this I know. But I want to give them the best of me. I don't always do this, and I'll forever be working on this.

24. In what way(s) did you grow:

• emotionally? I think I've become more in control of my feelings/anger/actions. I've learned to let things go and how cliche "not sweat the small stuff."
• spiritually? I've really lacked in this department and hope to grow more in this category this year.
• physically? Zip. Didn't do squat to grow physically. This must change.

25. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others? Ryan and I grew closer as parents as we tackled some challenges we had with Porter. The parenting class and counseling has been such a wonderful thing for our relationship to help us realize we really are a great team, we really do work well together and we ARE great parents, despite our downfalls and shortcomings.

26. With whom were your most valuable relationships? First and foremost, my husband and kids. Second would be my girlfriends- the best ever, Katie, LeeAnn and Jane.

27. Did you fall in love in 2010?
 Nope. Already there :-)

28. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
 Hate is a strong word. But there is one person I'm severely disappointed and sadded by, and another person who has done things to make me dislike them very much.



29. Who did you miss?
 Cathy

30. Who was the best new person you met?
 Dot! She was (is) a lifesaver. She has opened up my eyes to so many parenting issues and helped me overcome many obstacles (and many more to come).

31. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home? All of it. I feel blessed to own a home and even more, own a home I love.


32. What was your most challenging area of home management? My office, playing defense to the boys and their messes... and tackling dog hair. UGh.

33. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year? Hmm probably games on my iPhone. And Facebook. I've been trying to cut back.


34. What was the best way you used your time this past year? Just sitting down and playing with the boys. Doing projects with them. Coloring with them. Building blocks and train tracks.

35. What do you wish you’d done more of? Scrapbooking, keeping up on photography bookwork (I have a long road ahead to get ready for filing taxes!) and somehow archiving all of my pictures/blog into Blurb Books.

36. What do you wish you’d done less of?
 Yelling and making impulse purchases.

37. What was the best book you read?
 Hands down, The Parent;s Handbook. But, DANG sadly I AGAIN did not read for fun. Wait! I read Smotherhood. It only took me about 6 months, but it was a good book! I did get 3 new books for Christmas so I'm going to make time to read them.


38. What was your favorite TV program?
 Real Housewives (any of them), Flipping Out, Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, Millionaire Matchmaker

39. What was your favorite movie of this year?
 No favorites, I don't think. I did like these, though. Inception, How to Train Your Dragon, Toy Story 3, Salt, Bounty Hunter and What Happens in Vegas

40. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? LOVE Gerard Butler, Ashton Kutcher, Owen Wilson, Matthew McConaughey

41. What did you want and get?
 My kitchen remodel finished!

42. What did you want and not get?
 A full time job

43. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
 Getting hired into a full time teaching position at Bean.

44. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
 Smooshed. Because I'm at an ultimate high in the weight department. Must get that under control.

45. What kept you sane?
 Medication and knowing that "this too shall pass..."

46. What political issue stirred you the most?
 None, really.

47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
 Sometimes you just have to build a bridge and get over it.

48. What song will always remind you of 2010?
 Hmm.... Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"... I first heard it on Sirius Radio on tv and instantly loved the tune. Words aren't too symbolic, but I love her voice.Rihanna/Eminem "Love the Way You Lie"- Eminem reminds me of Girls Weekend in October... we heard it a lot on the radio. And Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow" reminds me of Zumba!

49. How did you ring in the New Year? The boys and I made Shrinky Dinks, we all ate chicken tenders and rice. Ry and Porter played the Wii while Hudson and I played blocks. We put the boys to bed and then Ryan and I watched a movie and I scrapbooked. BORRRRINNG. Its 11:52 as I type and I don't even plan on watching the ball drop.


50. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Hmm... I can think of a few.

Jason Mraz "Live High"

Live high
Live mighty
Live righteously
Taking it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

Eminem "Not Afraid"

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

But this, by far, is my favorite. Jason Mraz "Details in the Fabric"

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm, then brace it

If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

Know your name

And everything will be fine

And go your own way

The First Snow of Winter

We woke up this morning to a beautiful winter wonderland outside.  I don't "love" the snow or the cold or the ice or the slush... but I do love a beautiful wintery scenery.  I much prefer it to the gray, dead, lifeless scenery that winter brings.  

This morning the boys and I bundled up and headed outside.  The snowflakes were HUGE and thick and wet.  The snow was perfect snowball/snowman snow (that's a lot of SNOWs).  Eian and Kennedy were outside as well and came over to play.  Porter, Eian and Kennedy had a hilarious snowball fight and Hudson walked around in amazement of the snow.  

The wet, slushy snow plus freezing temperatures is making the roads a bit treacherous.  Tomorrow is a snow day, so I'm hoping if we'll have enough snow to make a snowman!  

This blur

Summer has gone by in such a blur.  I feel like I'm caught in a rapid current and I've been trying to grasp onto anything that might slow things down.  No such luck.  Like last summer, I feel like I've accomplished about 10% of the things I set forth to accomplish throughout the "looooong" summer.

A tiny part of me is looking forward to fall.  This summer has been ridiculously hot and muggy- the worst kind of weather to me.  I'd almost take a snowstorm over the hot muggy weather.  Seriously.  I love fall and am a bit excited about the cool weather, crunchy leaves, Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving gatherings and Christmas magic.

The other day, Porter's preschool teacher called to confirm he'd be attending JPS.  We have enrolled him in JPS, originally Sharp Park Academy, and I am really really excited for this year for him.  I am beyond impressed with their curriculum and I have already fallen in love with his teacher.  While he won't be at Sharp Park Academy (they are redoing two classrooms so preschool has been moved to Frost), I know this year will be great for him.  I was kind of looking forward to the dress code (uniform) at Sharp Park, but now that he's at Frost and won't have to wear a uniform I'm excited to take him school clothes shopping.  And I'm actually going to TAKE him, too, because he has such an opinion about what he wears lately.  I know for sure on the must-get list are Gap's boot fit jeans because those are flipping adorable on him.

Today I received a call from my principal with confirmation that my position is still in tact at the school.  Every year my job is pretty much on the chopping block and with the budget cuts every.single.year. I'm always nervous for what is to come.  I'm still holding out for a full time position, and have been quite lazy this year on applying to other districts.  I have a hard time thinking about leaving the school and district I am in. I love my job and I love everyone I work with.  I can't recall a time I've ever come home and complained about my job.  I truly love it.  And I know that next year there will be some retirements, so I'm hoping that my annual "We'll be okay for one more year with this job...." will finally hold true.  My job is not an annually paid position and I don't get paid for days I'm not there.  It sucks.  And while there are many times money is tight and I'm stretching myself thin trying to cram in photography sessions to make ends meet, I love my job at the school- moreso I love the school I am in- and I hope that my persistence will pay off eventually.

I'm also hoping that once I am in full time somewhere I can quit photography.  Oh yes.  Quit.  I may just change things up and become solely a newborn and (summer) birth photographer and work minimally, but I'm not sure.  There are a lot of factors that weigh in this idea.... from the hassle of running a legitimate business, taxes, bookwork, late nights of editing, travel, working on weekends, the fact that photographic talent is hardly valued anymore, and that having a full time teaching position will come with many additional responsibilities- including working some evenings at home.  I also want to get back to doing what I love for the love of it.  I love photography. I do.  I love documenting my life.... my children's lives.  I want photography to be for documenting, not paying student loans.

This fall I am also starting my Master's courses.  I've put it off for too long and I have no other choice.  I'm nervous about working 4 days a week, taking care of the kids and home, keeping up with photography sessions, not to mention the fact that Ryan will also be in school.   I also am worried about coming up with the $400/credit hour to take these courses.  I highly doubt we'll qualify for any sort of financial aid.  And with $55k in student loans already (and $20k that Ryan has...) I am determined not to take out anymore student loans.  Where the money will come from.... I'm not sure.

And more stress with fall... daycare.  The sole item on the list that makes me despise being a working mom. Last year Oma watched the boys 2 days a week and the other 2 days Hudson was at daycare while Porter did preschool and went to LeeAnn's.  Well... Marleen (Hudson's daycare) is on maternity leave until the end of October and my grandma has been having a lot of medical issues with her legs and may require another surgery.   Porter also needs transportation 4 days a week either to or from preschool.  I will be able to do one or the other, but not both.   I need to get on the ball and get things lined up.  I hate that I'm the one that does all the scheduling and Ryan pretty much has no clue how stressful it is.  If I were working full time I'd put them both in daycare and be done with it but we can't afford daycare for them for the entire week with my current job.

This weekend I'm hoping to cram in some fun summer stuff.  We're taking the boys to the fair tomorrow to eat fair food, see the animals and go to the Monster Trucks.  Hudson has never been, and I know he's going to love it.

Next week marks the 2 week mark before school starts.  There are so many things I still want to do!  I might have to make a crammed week next week to fit some things in.  We'll see....

My what a friendly weekend....

• Friday night we met up with Adam, Jane and their girls (GIRLS... GIRLS.... THREE of them!) at The Parlour for iiiiice cream!  Yum.  We took the kids to Cascades to see the falls....err..... run down the big hills.  The Dawson Twins were the highlight of the falls.  :-)
  
• Saturday Ryan worked.... bought a 4-wheeler (nice surprise?  Hmmmm) and then we went to the Huffs.   We grilled out and discussed a possible kitchen reno for K-Train.   OOOH la la!
  
• Sunday I had a dah-ling newborn session with Mr. Collin Bradley.  Handsome little dude.  Then we had Supper Club at the Howards.  They made chicken and steak kabobs. YUM!  

What a fabulous weekend.   My original plans were to demo the kitchen floor and get that flipping slate down, but I think the weekend turned out great just the way it was.  Kitchen floors will always be there later, right?

Travel

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.  ~Miriam Beard

I recently found TripAdvisor's "Cities I've Visited" app on Facebook... and was both stunned and disappointed in the outcome.  I was stunned by the amount of cities and countries other people have visited... and disappointed in the lack thereof on my map.  I feel like I do a decent amount of traveling for me.... but I then realize I really never explore other places, its always the same places multiple times.

Slightly pathetic, don't you say?

Here it is a little closer...

On my Bucket List, I have a few countries I'd like to visit in my lifetime (France and Italy for sure) and I'd love to see the West Coast.  I'm hoping, also to expand the states I've visited.  Sure, I've driven through many states, and probably stopped for gas or lunch in many cities... but to me that doesn't count as "visiting".  I want to visit more places.... explore and stay awhile (ok, even if its just a long weekend)... expand my horizons.

Maybe another goal for my Bucket List should be to visit at least 25 states before I die... or something like that.  Hmm....

Memories made

I love playing trains with the boys.  Well, maybe not the playing part so much but I really love putting together train track layouts for them.  Every once in awhile I'll get caught up in building a track layout and find myself wasting away an hour or two without even knowing it.  I'm talking... it got late so the kids went to bed and I was still addicted to the train tracks!  HAHA!

This evening I "played" trains with the boys.  I love watching them pick out different trains and cars and driving them along the wooden tracks.  Their tiny hands.  The way they study the train moving.  The sound effects they make.  

Porter said to me tonight "You made us so happy Mama!  You made us so happy with the train tracks!"  And he smiled and gazed lovingly at his spiffy new track layout.   I sure love this kid.  

After Hudson was in bed Porter reminded me I had been promising to take him out to catch lightning bugs (fireflies) for awhile now.  It seems like its either been rainy/stormy or something or other the past few weeks.  So, tonight Porter and I caught lightning bugs.  He really didn't want to let them go but decided he'd rather see them fly away than wake up to dead bugs in the morning.  One last lightning bug straggled behind and he told me he was going to name it Kooka (or something like that..).  When he flew away, he said "Bye Kooka... have a good night I'll see you later."  I sure love this kid.