Private Post: Rest and Recovery

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Giving thanks to all I have received

"As Americans gather for the time-honored Thanksgiving Day meal, let us rejoice in the abundance that graces our tables, in the simple gifts that mark our days, in the loved ones who enrich our lives, and in the gifts of a gracious God.

... by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Thursday, November 25, 2010, as a National Day of Thanksgiving. I encourage all the people of the United States to come together -- whether in our homes, places of worship, community centers, or any place of fellowship for friends and neighbors -- to give thanks for all we have received in the past year, to express appreciation to those whose lives enrich our own, and to share our bounty with others."

-Barack Obama

(Thank you for posting that, Heather!)

Amen, Barack!!

Tonight I sit and reflect on all that I've been given.  All the good that is in my life.  Everything I've been blessed to have, people, things and experiences.... the necessities and luxuries.

I am Thankful for my husband.  He's my biggest fan, my biggest supporter, and my co-pilot through this journey of life.  Nothing I do or say can offend him, and he loves me for the good and bad that makes me me.  I love him with my whole heart and can't imagine my life without him.

I am Thankful for my two amazing little boys.  They are the reason my heart beats, the reason our lives are filled with laughter and joy, and the reason I have grey hairs.  I couldn't have asked for two sweeter boys to call my children.  They make me laugh (and cry), they make me proud, and most of all they've made me Mom.

I am Thankful for freedom.  Freedom to worship our God.  Freedom to vote.  Freedom to have a voice... to have an opinion.  Freedom to walk our streets and feel safe.

I am Thankful for girlfriends.  Sometimes I wonder what I would do without them.  I am thankful that we can get together with our kids and also spend time together without.  I am thankful they value our friendship, and Mom-Only time, as much as I do.  I have been so blessed with amazing girlfriends in my life, both near and far, and especially with recent events have really counted my blessings in this category.

I am Thankful for creativity.  I love creating... whether it be photography, scrapping, crafts, sewing or decorating.  I am so thankful that I have the vision to execute ideas and to create things for our family.

I am Thankful for our home.  This was the 3rd year we had Thanksgiving in our home, with both sides of our family here.  I am so thankful to have a home where we can gather, enjoy a good meal and spend time together.

I am Thankful for sisters.  I've been blessed not only with a sister I grew up with, but also a sister in law I adore just as much.  I am thankful to have them in my life, to have children close in age, and to enjoy spending time with both of them.

I am Thankful for my job.  I love my job.  I don't love going to my job, but I love being at my job.  Does that make sense?  Every part of getting ready and getting out the door to get there, I despise.  But I love my job... my co-workers, my students, and my administrator.  I'm very blessed.

What are you Thankful for today?

Heartwarming

Just a couple sweet comments from readers:


"I would like to continue reading your blog - your craftiness if great, photos beautiful, and posts heartfelt.  "

"I love all the ideas you share as well as how honest you are about everything."

"I love your honesty, and you inspire me.  I think it's great that you show the real side of the challenges and joys of motherhood"

"I am an avid lurker of your blog..you CRACK me up w/ your daily musings. "

The Positive Post

• Reasonable gas prices
• Watching my 2 year old put together a 24 piece puzzle by himself for the first time
• Positive outlooks on America's new leader
• An organized house
• Getting a head start on Christmas shopping
• Our leaves are finally all raked (err... blown)
• My healthy, happy children
• Finally coming to terms and making a much needed appointment
• 70* days in November
• Having enough patience to do some craft projects with Porter
• A perfect out of order day off from work
  

Surfacing

I feel like this week has thrown me into the middle of the ocean and its been sink or swim. It started with one issue and as the week progressed I found myself faced with at least 4 separate issues that have really just beat me down. I'm overwhelmed, upset, stressed and deflated. I really needed to just step back from my blog, close up, hole up, whatever you want to call it, and try to figure out how to work through things.

I've recently gotten some things off my chest with an issue that sits very deeply with me. It was not taken well by the other person making these bad choices and in a way I guess maybe I should have left things be. I felt things needed to be said, but I now realize that many people just never change. My words may have hurt, but I hope that someday they'll be looked at closer and analyzed deeper. Throughout the bickering, this person dug up things totally unrelated to the issue.

I suppose in trying to deflect the negative off of them, they dug up some issues on my blog that I post very honestly about and throw them in my face, turn them on me and make me look and feel like a bad person about it. I have always felt like my blog was a place where I could attempt to be "real"... to be myself, be honest and open and truthful to who I am and what I'm going through. I've had so many readers email me and tell me how they love my blog and love my honesty and love that I can be real and not paint this "perfect" life that I have (thank you!). Because my life is NOT perfect. You're about to see that. I have never on this blog attempted to portray that, and I hope I never do. I'm debating on whether to even publish this post or not, or if I should just type it and let it sit as a draft for all eternity. We'll see how it ends up.

In having my "real, honest, open" thoughts thrown in my face , that kind of piled on with another issue that emerged with a friend. I won't go into that here, but those two circumstances really made me face another huge issue... the M issue. Marriage. (Which was in a way a bit hypocritical as this family member who threw these things in my face has no idea what being in a marriage is like, and in her relationships when it gets tough they call it quits)

You know how when you get married everyone tells you that the first year is "so hard?" Well, I feel like that was a breeze, especially compared to becoming a parent. Since we've had Porter, our marriage and any issues we've had have really taken a seat on the back burner. We added the most precious little guy to our family and he consumes our life. We bend over backwards for him. We wouldn't have it any other way and can't imagine our lives without him. I kick started a business that consumed a lot of my time in the past year and a half. Ryan began college classes and that takes up much of his time. Where is the us time? Where is the time to reconnect, to make that switch from being parents to being husband and wife again? We used to laugh together, love each other and have fun together. We've lost that, and its something we have finally faced and realized that we need to fix it and get things back to good. In a way, I'm grateful for some of the drama this week as its really opened both my eyes and Ryan's. Or, more like... its made us FACE those issues that we've just ignored and stuffed in the closet for so long.

And on top of all that, I've realized that in part with some issues in our marriage that part of my problem is the type of person I've become... negative, judgmental and overly hormonal. Ok, so I have a bit of an excuse for the last one, but honestly, this pregnancy has really set me over the edge. On top of working, running a business, being a mom and a wife and taking care of a house... everything has set me over the edge and I've turned into this person that I just don't like. Like I said in my previous post, I am trying hard to make a change. To start seeing the good in things rather than focusing on the bad. To start praising others for their good qualities rather than their bad. And that filters into the marriage issues as well... so hopefully with me making this change it will help US grow stronger as well.

Tonight I had a chat with a friend, who I won't name but she knows who she is, whom I feel blessed to have met. Turns out we've been going through many of the same marriage issues in the same time line, yet neither of us knew this until this evening. Can I tell you how RELIEVING it is to hear someone say many of the same things that I myself have thought and felt? To know that we aren't the only ones having trouble adjusting to being both parents and marriage partners? I felt like I could finally sigh and admit that our faults and struggles were okay and normal.

So, anyhow... I'm feeling gutsy and feeling like I want to be open and honest with this post. For now. I might pull it if I get that weird "I shouldn't have posted that" feeling, but for now I think I'm ok with sharing. I think its ok to admit my life isn't perfect... that I have struggles that maybe some of you have as well. And, hopefully, I won't be looked at negatively for it. I'm finally surfacing, and I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

First Step:

To kick off my attempt at a new, more positive outlook, I dug up these cards that I got from church awhile back. AWHILE back... like, before Christmas. When they handed out this card I thought about how cool it'd be to take their vision a little further and start something on my blog using a scanned image of the card. To occasionally throw out what Weswinds called "ENCOURAGEMENT- thank someone for the gift of their oddities."

After today, I dug up that card and scanned it and I've decided that I will randomly and occasionally send out some encouragement and thanks to special people in my life. And maybe people who aren't so special, rather more random, but they've done something positive to influence my life.

Here is my first encouragement. To the most special people to me.

I do love him!

I was rummaging through old posts from the past year or so and came across a Q&A Post. Lately I've felt like all I've done is bitch about my husband on my blog... and its true- I have. I probably look like this ungrateful wife who hates the living daylights out of her husband. I'll be honest- lately I have many days where I feel that way about him but in the end and no matter what, I love him to death- quirks, irritations and all.

Anyhow... here's proof that I've said at least one nice thing about my husband:

If you had to pick one thing, what would be your very favorite thing about your husband? My VERY favorite thing? Hmm…. this is hard! How can I narrow it down? I love that he is a great husband and an amazing father. He, 97% of the time, is so incredibly helpful and involved. I love that about him. I love that we know each other so well… I love our inside jokes, I love that we can laugh together and bicker and argue and we still love each other. I love that he’s a hard worker and he always looks out for his family. He’s honest, loving, kind, stubborn, helpful.

*************************
I do have to say he's been an awesome husband this week while I on the other hand have been lazy and cranky and in a bummer mood. Last night he went to the ice cream place down the road and brought me back a soft serve twist. Tonight he ran to the store to get garlic bread for dinner and came back with vanilla ice cream in my favorite brand. And then he cleaned up dinner while I gave P a bath and then he vacuumed the whole house WITHOUT ME ASKING. I can't remember the last time that has happened. He's also put Porter to bed the last 3 nights in a row while I've parked it on the couch in a comatose state. Thank you, honey!

Bad blogger... random thoughts.

I've been bad at blogging lately (and it seems like all the blogs I stalk have been kinda slow with the posts lately too....). I can't tell you how many times a day I think "Oh, I could blog that." but at the end of the day, when I'm by the computer, the idea has left my mind.

So, today I'm going to jot down some random things, thoughts, ideas, etc...

• Funny. In class today, Mo (teacher) was explaining an assignment to the kids. A.V., a little girl thats quite young for 1st grade, and a little "scattered", I might add, said to her out of the blue...
  
  "Do you want to buy any cookies from me?"
  
  Mo says (a bit sarcastically, as the random comments from A.V. can get annoying): "Do you have any diet cookies?"
  
  A.V. stares at her, looks confused, and says "Uh... I'll just ask Mrs. Barczak." (as in, forget it... I have no clue if we have diet cookies, I'll move on to the next potential customer HAHA)



• I have found a resolution for this year. Well, I have numerous ones, but this one I think will be the most important.
  
  Be positive and try to find the good in everyone.
  
  I recently found out some information about someone I am pretty close with... someone who is always a very negative person, always bad talking people. Well, I've become one of those people this person bad talks. And I've done nothing to provoke the bad-talking. See, its one thing to vent/air your frustrations about friends/family if there was an incident or something that provoked it. They hurt your feelings, let you down, did something mean to you. But to just bad talk someone for no reason, for just the thrill of being a mean, bitter person?
  
  I have often found myself acting negative for no reason, and I realize... I don't like the me that does that. I don't want to be negative just to be negative (now, its a different story if someone has done something to make me mad/irritated/let down... I feel that venting bad feelings is a way of getting over it...).
  
  If I look for the good in these people, the reason in these people... maybe I will find that...
  
  Maybe those people who are flakey or unreliable are just insecure and unable to keep their promises/decisions.
  
  Maybe the people who are negative and bad talking were just raised that way, they don't realize they are acting the way they are.
  
  Maybe the people who drive too slow have, in the past, lost someone they loved in an accident and are just extra caution when driving.
  
  Maybe I'm just making excuses for them, but maybe, just maybe, this will help me to become a better person. A more caring person. A more positive person.
  
  So, that is my resolution... I'm going to try to be more positive about people instead of assuming the worst. Look on the bright side, look at the positive qualities. Maybe it will help some relationships that are tattered right now.
  
  
• Jess and I have been discussing lots of business ideas for "when" she moves to MI. OHHH I really hope this is a for sure thing. I'm so excited at the thought of Jess and Ryan and the girls living close by!
  
  
• Toys R Us ticks me off. I went to exchange a toy Porter got two of for Christmas, which came from there as it was a Toys R Us brand... and there was a big sign by their return counter that said "NO returns or exchanges without a sales receipt or gift receipt" (ok, so that wasn't the exact wording, but close). The girl came to the counter and asked if she could help me and I said "No, I guess not. I have a toy to exchange but I don't have a receipt. It is a Toys R Us trademark brand though..." Nope, she said they wouldn't let her do it. Ugh. Ok... think positive... Maybe someone ripped off the store and they had to implement this new policy. (ughhhhhhhh.... so, thats one store I'll not be buying much from anymore).


• I got to chat with Kristi Mangan today, so cool! There's some new changes going on with the Design Team and she called to chat/vent about it. Its always fun to get phone calls out of the blue.
  
  
• Michigan finally has snow. Well, I think Sunday evening was when the snow arrived... about time! Its JANUARY in MICHIGAN... what is up with that?
  
  I guess that is about it for now.