treat her well

Dear World, 

I bequeath to you today one tiny little girl...in a crisp new dress...with two big, brown eyes....and a happy laugh that ripples all day long...and a flash of sunskissed brown hair that glitters in the sun when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Good-bye" and walk with little girl steps to the classroom.

Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school bells...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle...and gossip...and only pay attention when the teacher is watching. She'll learn how to feel hurt inside and she'll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit in the backyard on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across a crack in the footpath. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed in the morning and lay on the couch engrossed in a much loved childhood show. No, now she'll have to worry about more important things...like grades and which 'cool' skirt to wear and which friends can play with her at recess. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of prams and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.

For five full years now I've been her mentor and role model and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers, which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole wide world.

Today when that school bell rings for the very first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group...with all its privileges and its disadvantages too. She'll learn that in time proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs...or keep bugs in jam jars in bedrooms...or even watch ants scurry across cracks in the footpath in the summer. Today she'll learn that all who smile at her are not her true friends. And I'll stand back and watch her start out the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.

So, world, I bequeath to you today, one little girl...in a crisp new dress...with two big, brown eyes...and a flash of sunkissed brown hair that glitters in the sunlight when she runs........I trust you'll treat her well.

Happy 8th Birthday, Porter Evan!

Porter.... again, I will always say this... HOW are you getting so old?  The days are SO so long, and sometimes filled with grumpiness and frustration, but the years are SO short, and so bittersweet.  I adore the person you are becoming.  My god, you are the most sensitive, caring boy ever.  (Well, not exactly sensitive and caring toward your brother, but... we're working on that!).  I am always amazed at how big your heart is.  

The other day I sent you to school with snacks for the week.  It is your responsibility to eat one snack a day at snack-time.  On Wednesday you told your dad and I that you had "14 tiny heart candies for snack, and that's all"  I started to grill you on why you didn't have a snack, as I'd JUST reminded you that day that you need to be responsible with your snacks.  You explained "I gave it to Max.  He didn't have a snack because he gave his to Leah, so I gave him mine."   Stopped me dead in my tracks... and my heart exploded on the spot.  My boy, never lose your kindness... never lose your heart.

You are such a helpful boy, and always have been.  Whenever it snows, you shovel our sidewalk and often our driveway.  And then you head to the two neighbors houses and shovel their sidewalks.  Even if its only 1/2" of snow.   The other day Mr. Steve's dog Dexter was loose before school.  You threw on my Uggs, a coat and ran out to get him and take him home.  Never mind it was 5* out, or windy and cold.   You came back and said your feet were frozen because my boots had fallen off of you.   Later that evening Mr. Steve told daddy to thank you for bringing Dexter back.  And he told him that Dexter had drug you through the 3' snow drift between our driveways, and that's how you lost your boots.  Oh my goodness we laughed so hard!

You're very interested in becoming a Police Officer when you grow up.  I can definitely see this happening!  You love to be bossy and try to make people follow the rules.  Especially Hudson and Amelia!  You're a true oldest child, that's for sure!

This year I've noticed some new traits in you.  Well, maybe they're traits you've always had, but they're just blossoming more now that you're getting older.  Your teacher mentioned to me one day that "he remembers being the shy kid in class too" meaning... he could empathize with you being quiet and shy in class.  This stopped me dead in my tracks.  Porter?  Shy?  No way.  But the more I watch you in class, the more I observe you at school, you are reserved. And quiet.  And I wouldn't go so far as to say shy but you aren't the loud, boisterous, obnoxious boy we see at home.   You're still friendly and outgoing, but you have this reserved peace about you.   You're a good kid... a dependable one in class.  You are proud of your accomplishments, and kind to others.

You can still be kind of sneaky though.  One Thursday while I was volunteering at school, you came down to Hudson's class at 2:45, a whole 15 minutes before I usually take you guys out of school on my volunteer days.  I asked what you were doing and you said you'd asked to use the bathroom and then "just decided it was close enough to the end of the day I'd come down and see if you were ready."  I shooed you back to class and as you walked by, one of the teachers at school said "Is he your son?"  I told her yes.  She said "I just love him!  He is such a neat kid. We have some great conversations.  He's a good kid."   I am telling you, Porter... that made me so so proud.  I was beaming.

This year has been challenging with you as you've started to lie to us.  Its not usually anything serious, but we catch you in lies quite often.  I'm not sure if it is a stage, or if its just your age, but oh my.... I can't wait for it to be over.  We've stressed over and over how important it is to tell the truth, and that we are family and we don't lie to each other.    Still, we will catch you in fibs.  A lot of times it is sneaky things like... Daddy told you not to take anymore hotwheels outside so you told him you were going to go upstairs to play legos.  You came back down with some hotwheels stuffed in your pocket and Daddy busted you.  You told him "I changed my mind and decided I didn't want to play legos."  Yeah... still doesn't mean you don't have to listen to what he told you earlier!   Porter, Porter, Porter.  

You still love football best out of your sports.  You enjoyed wrestling and you seem to really enjoy baseball as well.    I'm excited for your new adventure with Cub Scouts this year- I think this will be right up your alley.

Porter, I know sometimes I can forget how sensitive you are.  And sometimes... okay, a lot of times... I can be really hard on you and expect a lot from you.   There are times I realize I've crushed you and I apologize and I feel terrible.  I pray that you will always remember that I'm only human, and I love you so much even though there are times I know you think otherwise.  I know the road ahead has many ups and downs and there will be times you don't like me at all, and times you'll think I'm against anything you stand for.  But Porter, please always remember I love you so much and I'll always be proud of you, and always be your biggest fan.

Love, Mama.

Hudson Riley | 5 years old

Dear Hudson, 

It seems unreal to me that you are turning 5.  In my mind, you are forever my 2 year old.  Not because you can act like a 2 year old with the best of them, but for some reason your 2 year old self just sticks in my mind.  Always.   For you to be old enough to be heading off to kindergarten blows my mind.

For months leading up to your birthday you'd randomly say "Mom, I feel like I'm FIVE years old today!"  (sometimes it was 7 years old...just depended).  It was just too cute.  You told me when you push sissy's orange and yellow toy (a walker) that you feels like you're 5 years old.

When you woke up on your birthday you were bright eyed with wonder, exclaiming "Am I really 5 years old now?!?"   Throughout the day you'd come up to me and say "Mom, I can NOT believe I'm 5 years old!   IIIII love it!"

What can I say about you, kid?  Oh you march to the beat of your own drum, that's for sure.  I love you to pieces for it.  You truly goes with your gut and don't care what others think.  That is one thing I pray never changes about you.... that you just doesn't care what others think of you.  Be yourself.  Always.

This year we've really been working on getting you out of your shell when it comes to strangers.  You're terribly shy when unfamiliar people with talk to you, and while as a toddler it was acceptable to brush it off and apologize for your shyness, we feel like you're at the age where we need to encourage you to cope with those stranger anxieties of talking to strangers.  Ignoring people or just staring at them when they ask questions isn't acceptable.  You're doing great with being pushed outside of your comfort zone, although it hasn't been without struggle.

You are still Mr. Stubborn- at baseball last week you decided you were just done.... so you sat down on the field (the infield, at that!).  Daddy and I laughed because well, we know your personality.  We laughed even harder when your coach came over to chat with you and encourage you to stand up.  You did stand up- for about 30 seconds and then sat right back down.

There are still words you say that remind me of how little you still are.  I will never correct you on these, and I will surely be sad when you start saying them correctly.   Basketti (spaghetti).  Heliglopter (helicopter). Taxidy (taxi).  Benember (remember).  Fravorite (favorite).  Rest-you-rant (restaurant). Ong-ions (onions). 

You'll always be my sweet little nugget, and I hope you always know I love you to pieces.  I pray that you never lose your self confidence.

Some of Hudson's favorites:

• Animal:  Horse       
• Color:  Red
• Movie:  Cars 2 and Cars
• Person:  Oma
• Song:  The Wheels on the Bus
• Food:  Gummies
• Drink:  Pop (he loves to sneak sips from ours)
• Number:  5

Amelia Jane | 1 year

Your first birthday.  Your first birthday letter from mama.  How do I write you a letter when my heart is so full, and my words, so few?  This year has flown by faster than the blink of an eye.  One year ago today you completed our family in the most perfect way ever imaginable.   You see,  I've always dreamed of having a daughter.  I've always prayed and hoped I would have a little girl to dress up and do girly things with and give her pigtails (soon, baby girl, soon!) and when we're older go shopping and gossip and bond and do mother/daughter trips.   I'd always pictured our family with 2 boys and a little girl.  When I was pregnant with you I dreamt and prayed you'd be a little girl.  First and foremost, I wanted a healthy baby.  Please don't get me wrong.  But my heart ached for a little girl.   And when I found out you were a girl, I was in complete disbelief.   I was lucky to have a good friend who was a sonographer and could scan me weekly if I wanted- and believe me, for about a month I went in every week "just to make sure".

The day you were born was so, so surreal.  I couldn't want to see you.  To hold you and kiss you and be able to say "my daughter".   I couldn't believe you were really here, and you were perfect and tiny and utterly adorable.  You've had your brothers wrapped around your little finger from day one as well.  Don't let them tell you otherwise.  I know someday you'll be their pesky little sister but believe me, they love you to pieces and I pray for mercy on any boy who breaks your heart in the future.


You’ve grown from a helpless little bundle in my arms, to a willful, vivacious little girl.  I love who you’re already becoming at just one year old. Your thirst for life astounds me. Your sense of determination intimidates me and your cheerfulness warms my heart.  You are everything I could have imagined you would be a year ago and so, so much more.

I love watching you explore.  You're the most inquisitive, brave little girl I've ever known.   I can literally see the wheels spinning in that little head of yours as you transfer the pile of unmatched socks into an empty cardboard box as if you're working on some complex mission.  

I love that you love animals- Ella especially.   You grin when she enters the room, and when she's not in the room you'll call for her "Allah!" and go searching for her.  The poor cat puts up with so much- the patience she has!   You love to crawl up to her, ram your head into her, and snuggle up.  You lay on top of her and bounce on her like a horsie.   It's so cute, but it is a wonder she puts up with you!

I love the shape of your head–that it once  fit perfectly in my palm and is now heavy on my shoulder.  

I love that you grin and say "hi" to everyone in the store- nonstop until they acknowledge you.  

I love your petite little hands and your finger that is pointing and questioning everything–  “Sthat?”. 

I love that you love your "pretties", and try your hardest to put your play necklaces on, and beam with pride when you do.  

I love the way you try to share your binky with me, and giggle as if it is the funniest thing ever.   

I love that when you smile, you smile with your whole face.   Your nose crinkles.  Your cheeks round up, and your eyes turn to half moon slits.   It is so infectious, and everyone comments on what a smiley baby you are.  

You're quite the mamas girl, and there are many days you ONLY want me, and I'll be honest- it is exhausting at times.   There have been many days I want to toss you to daddy and go hide, but I try to remind myself that these days aren't going to last forever.  These days are the ones I need to hold onto tightly and cherish while they're here. 

You've also become quite the drama queen as well.   You are pretty opinionated and are not afraid to let everyone know.   You've begun throwing little tantrums, and whining A LOT.   If this has any bearing on what your teenage years have in store for us, I'm terrified.  

Fearless.  This is one word that describes you to a 'T'.   You'll climb any staircase, flop off the couch, wiggle out of your high chair and onto the countertop, climb stools to sit on desks, and finagle yourself into spaces you aren't meant to be in and then get frustrated because you're stuck.  

This past year has been amazing.  I feel so incredibly blessed that God has changed the direction of my career and I've had the courage to follow His lead.  You're my last baby, Amelia, and I've been so blessed to be able to stay home with you and be the one taking care of you every day.  I never, ever thought this was something I'd be able to do- I'd written off staying home a long time ago, and had accepted that I'd always be a work-outside-the-home mama.   I've loved seeing your milestones, being the one to hold you when you cry, to rock you before naptime, to feed you your bottles and to see your grinning face when you wake up.

I'd be lying if I said this past year was completely perfect.  While it has been filled with so many blessings that I never imagined happening, it was also filled with many struggles.  Thank you, sweet girl, for hanging in there with me.  Financially we had a really rough winter.   This was my first year making photography my full time career and winter was slow.  This stressed me out and made both my and your daddy's minds worry about things that weren't necessarily in our control.   It was hard for me to find balance while working from home and taking care of you and your brothers.  I know there were times I was not as good a mom as I should have been.   It has been trial and error, and I try to remember that you and your brothers come first, before work.   I hope that you'll know I've always tried my best.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Happy Birthday, my brave, wild, precious daughter. You have made our lives so very, very sweet. I carry your heart, little girl. I carry it in my heart.

Amelia at 1 month

How in the world has it been a month already since Miss Amelia made her entrance into our lives?  In a sense it seems like so long ago... that she's been here forever, but mostly it feels like I blinked and all of a sudden a month passed.  Its amazing how time does that.  I've been thinking of that quote lately.... 

Isn't it the truth?  You blink and a year has gone by.  How does that happen?  

So Miss Amelia at 1 Month:

• JUST grew out of newborn diapers
• Is wearing newborn, 0-3 and SOME 3 month clothes
• Eats every 3 hours or so (but occasionally every 2, and sometimes sleeps longer and goes 4 or 5 hours)
• Is eating between 2-4 ounces/feeding.  Usually right around 3.
• Has definite fussy times during the day, typically in the evening.
• Is very fussy when she needs to burp, and likewise will stop eating when she has to burp
• She is a pretty good sleeper- she isn't too hard to get to sleep
• Loves to be held and talked to
• I'm pretty sure she has smiled an 'on purpose' smile at Ryan the other day.  She does the random smiles a lot, but there have been a few times he's talked to her and she grins.
• Her eyes appear much more brownish than the deep grey that newborns typically have.  I am crossing my fingers she has dark hair/eyes like her daddy!
• In the past week she has been staying awake a lot more often.  This makes me so sad.  This means she is no longer in that sleepy newborn stage.  And even though I got some great shots of her the week or two after she came home, I'm sad that I probably won't get anymore curly, fresh from the oven newborn pictures of her. 

Hudson: 4 Years Old

Dear Hudson,

In the past few months you seem to have suddenly changed from a toddler to a kid and you just seem so grown up to me.  I tell you that you need to stop growing, that you're getting too old and you tell me, "I can't!  I don't have a reverse button!"  Buddy, I sure wish you did.  You aren't my little baby anymore!

You seem to be following in your smarty-pants brothers footsteps.  You are very interested in letters and words and spelling.  You know your ABC's (have for a looong time) and can identify all the letters in the alphabet and know many of the sounds.  You are always asking me how to spell words, and whenever you see words written somewhere you like to read the letters, spelling it out.  There are quite a few words you've been able to sound out on your own, with a little help from me.  This makes me soo happy!  I'm so proud of you.  I hope that reading and spelling come as easy to you as it does your brother.  

You've also been breaking apart words, giving them a very literal meaning.  Its quite funny.  When Amelia came home I was washing her bottles and pacifiers and you said "Pacifier... like we PASS it to people?"  And you tell me that Target is to "GET" toys, because it is Tar-"GET".  Yesterday I overheard you saying to Porter "Do you know why brownies are brown?  Because they're "BROWN"ies!"  

Despite your over exuberance with words and spelling, you're quite a lazy child.  I know this sounds mean but boy, you are lazy!  We recently told you the word "can't" is a bad word because you say it ALL the time.  "I CAN'T get dressed!"  "I CAN'T put my shoes on!" "I CAN'T carry the huge truck back down to the basement even though I just carried it all the way up the stairs all by myself."  "I CAN'T pick up the toys- it takes for a loooong time!"  You love to make messes but hate to clean up after yourself.  Ohhhhhh..... you're going to have a rude awakening because lazy doesn't fly around here.  Unfortunately that means you butt heads with us quite a bit and there ends up being an awful lot of whining (on your part) about having to do things you "CAN'T" do.  We still love you, though, you lazy little toad!

I love the way you are so snuggly and loving, Hudson.  You constantly surprise me by randomly calling my name and when I answer you simply say "I loooove you."  It is so sweet and melts my heart.  You give me kisses all the time, and you LOVE to give Amelia hugs and to rub noses with her and kiss her head.  You're so darn sweet!

You're sweet, and also a crazy comedian!  You have quite the sense of humor and you love to make goofy faces to go along with it.  You also know how to push my buttons and you definitely get that from daddy... being sarcastic and picking on me just to be irritating though YOU think it's funny.  There are so many times you know you're being funny, and also so many times you're hilarious but have no clue why you're cracking us up.  You say a lot of funny things.  I love how you say "I was about to gonna fall off the couch!"  Everything is "about to gonna".  You also say, when things seem like they'll take forever (like cleaning the toy room) that "It takes for a long time!" That always cracks us up too.

You love the color red, and typically any shade close to that.  Much to daddy's dismay, pink is pretty darn close to red.  While you are a total and complete boy, you do love some girly things and I don't try to persuade you otherwise.  Daddy hates that I paint your toenails dark pink (because it is like red, you say) when you ask me to, and that you love your Strawberry Shortcake doll (because she has red hair).  The story behind Strawberry is kind of funny... we went to a resale shop (you love going to resale shops with me and that or Target is always your guess when I ask you where we will be going that day), and you picked out this Strawberry Shortcake doll and asked me to buy her.  Granted, there weren't many toys at this store in particular, but it was funny that out of the toys there you picked out the doll.  And you had flip flops on with your pink toenails.  You were quite the sight at the park that day!  Your lamp recently broke and you keep asking me to buy you the "pink feathery lamp that is at Target."

You love anything that is tiny, small, compact or in large quantity.  You tend to be a hoarder.  We often find your pockets filled with 5 or 6 Matchbox Cars.  How that is comfortable, I'll never know.  You especially like to "hoard" tiny little items (even better if there are multiples!).  You love tiny little cars.  When we play Blokus you like to take the tiny one square piece and hold them throughout the game.  You make your Automoblox into the smallest car possible.   When we eat green beans you like to take the tiny "baby beans" out and hold them all in your hand. You call things "Adorable" as in "That's so adorable!" and I think it is so adorable that you do that!

Hudson, you have also amazed me with the way you eased into the big brother role.  We always joked that you have always had the typical "middle child" attitude, and I feared that when Amelia arrived you would not be so accepting.  However, you've been nothing but a helpful, loving, doting big brother.  You tell me all the time "I"m so happy we have a baby!" and you love to kiss and hug on Amelia all day, whether she is awake or trying to nap.  I hope you are always so protective and loving with her!


I love you so much, Hudson!


Love,  Mama


Some of Hudson's favorites:

• Oma
• Cars, especially Mater!
• Riding the tricycle, even though you have a bike
• Automoblox
• 
  
• Your favorites:
• Animal:       
• Color:  Red!
• Movie:  Cars 2
• Person:   Strawberry (Strawberry Shortcake)
• Song:  Rock A Bye Baby
• Food:  Peanut Butter and Jelly
• Drink:  Orange Juice
• Number: 166

Birthday Boy.... #3!

Dear Hudson Bessie Boo...


Oh yes, we still call you that.  I am sorry to say I fear that name will stick with you for a looong time.  Where has my little baby disappeared to?   There are days I freeze and just stare at you in awe that you are so big... so old and such a... kid!  I marvel at your vocabulary and mannerisms, your quirks and personality.  I still think of you as my teeny tiny petite little baby and I think I always will, however I love the little boy you are turning into.  


For such an angel of a baby that you were you sure have given us a run for our money this past year.  I knew there would be paybacks for your laid-back personality!  There have been many times I've uttered (not always under my breath) "2 is going to kill me!" because there have been many moments I wasn't sure I'd survive your 2nd year.  You know what you want and you aren't afraid to show it.  There have been many trips through the store you've yelled or screamed the entire way, or shouted you hated me or just plain been ticked about life in general.  However, here we are at 3 and I'm proud to say we both survived 2!  


You can go from happy and hopeful to angry and vengeful in a millisecond.  When you don't get your way your "revenge" is to say "I'm taking my pants off!" in the grumpiest tone you can muster.  And so you do.  I'm not sure what kind of punishment this is for us but we think its pretty hilarious.   I recently showed you the "Pants on the ground" video (the guy from American Idol) and both you and Porter cracked up at it.  So now whenever you get mad and tell us we instantly start singing "Pants on the ground.. pants on the ground... lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground" before you can even threaten us with taking your pants off.  It usually gets a good grin out of you.  


Despite being such a little spitfire, though, your sweet personality just shines through and through.  You don't like to see me sad, and when you're in a "mood" and telling me you "hate me" I usually retort in one of two ways:  "Well I LOOOOVE YOU!" or  I act sad and hurt.  You can't stand to see me sad and immediately run over to snuggle me and rub my cheeks and tell me "I looove you Mommy!"   I love when you reach up to me with your big blue eyes, arms stretched out saying "I want you, Mama!"  And when you pretend to be a kitty cat and nuzzle into me with your face, your eyes closed and a half smile smirk on your lips, meowing.  And when you hold my face in your hands and give me kisses.  When you hug me and say "I love you". You're such a charming little dude.  


When you are around new people, or new/strange people talk to you, you're very shy.  Your recent habit is to cover one eye with your hand.  Quite possibly hiding one eye is the secret to becoming invisible?  While you're a crazy little chatterbox at home and around those you're comfortable with, you definitely clam up and are shy and quiet around new people.  Once you warm up, though, (which doesn't take long) you're a lovey, touchy feely outgoing kid.   


You've become quite the comedian around here as well... your expressions just crack me up and you know you're being hilarious.  Its become a standing debate between you and I as to what your eye color is.  I love your beautiful baby blues but you're insistent that you have green eyes... "just like mommy."  You tell me this with your head cocked, nodding and looking out of the corner of your eye saying "I told you my eyes are green just like yours!"  


Little Hudson Boy, I'll eat you up I love you so.  You are my favorite 3 year old, the cutest little blonde haired blue eyed (yes, baby boy your eyes are blue!) bubba I could ever dream of calling my son.  Thank you for making us laugh and for your charming little ways.  


Love, 
Mama

Some things about you at 3:

• You weight lbs and are  inches tall 
• Your favorites:
• Animal: a froggy
• Color: red
• Movie:  What is the wolf movie called?  Alpha and Omega.  I love Alpha and Omega!
• Person?  Oma  Why? Because that's my fravrit girl.  
• Song: The animal song (animal action)
• Food: hamburger
• Drink: slushy
• Number: H
• You've been potty trained and wearing undies since January, but your newest thing is standing up to pee at the toilet.  
• Oma is still your favorite person in the world.  Miss Marleen ranks right up there with her. 
• You have become best buddies with Liberty.  The two of you always hug and kiss when you leave Miss Marleen's.  You said you're going to marry her and Miss Marleen think that will be just fine with us... we could be mother in laws :) 
• Can count to 12 
• Know your ABC's 
• You can identify 8 letters of the alphabet (eeep... gotta get working on that!) 
• You still love Lightning McQueen and Mater.  And anything Cars.  
• You love to be outside and your favorite thing currently is driving the gator.  Riding in the gator won't do.  You want to drive.  This is a never-ending fight here.  
• Nap/bedtime has become a battle.  After you're tucked in it seems we're putting you back in bed 5 or 6 times.  It is ridiculous. 
• You're scared of shadows, which makes bedtime interesting.  
• You're also terrified of red eyed green tree frogs.  I'm serious.... we have a few frog books that have the tree frog on the cover and if you happen to come across it in your books you'll freeze and ask me to take it away.  You crack me up!

Birthday Boy... #5!!

Dear Porter,

Five years ago I could never have imagined the sweet little newborn baby boy I rocked back and forth, back and forth would turn into such a wonderful kid that you have become.  You amaze me every day with the things you know, the kindness you have for others and your witty personality.  I have truly been blessed to be called your Mom, that's for sure!

You are such a compassionate, sensitive and caring little boy and I love that about you.  When we pick Hudson up from Miss Marleen's you often ask him how his day was.  Those conversations between the two of you, about your days, makes my heart melt.  And then at dinnertime, you usually ask Daddy and I, "How was your day?"  You even ask Duncan this as well... the other day I heard you ask Duncan, as you came in the house, "Hi Duncan, how was your day?  Did you miss me?"  You're too sweet.

Determined, inquisitive and independent are words that fit you well.  This fall you decided you wanted to learn to ride a 2-wheeler so you went through Daddy's tools and found (the correct!) wrench and took your training wheels off by yourself.  Daddy helped you a few times and you were off riding on 2 wheels!  (although I do think your motivation came from the fact that we told you that you wouldn't be able to ride a dirt bike unless you could ride a bike without training wheels).

You are so close to becoming a reader it's not even funny.  I'm so proud of how quickly and easily you've caught onto letters and sounds and putting words together.  Many times a day you will pick random words out and start sounding them out... like "kitchen".. "K-k-k- Kitchen starts with k!"  You can usually identify what words start with k, hard c and soft c.  Lately you've been pulling out sounds from the middle and endings of words.  A reading teacher's dream :-)   Last fall, when you became really interested in words, we created a Word Wall in your bedroom and have added lots of great words to your wall.  I hope that you always find reading and writing so intriguing!

One of your newest things you like to do is repeat things you do at school.  I'm not talking about repeating naughty names, or sassy things... no, you've surprised me on this one.  I thought for sure you'd be the kid bringing home all sorts of smack talk.  But no..... I pick you up from school and you want to play guessing games (just like Mrs. Slat does at carpet time).  This usually start with you asking something like this... "Mom, I'm an animal who eats meat.  I start with the letter L.  What kind of animal am I?"  I guess (usually something wrong, just for fun) and then you always add more... "No, I live in the ZOO, Mom!  I am an animal that eats meat, I start with the letter L... Lllllll... and I live in the zoo.  What kind of animal am I?"  We also play this game back and forth with items.  You love it!  You also tried to copy Mrs. Slat's Special Box (or Magic Box?  what is it called again??). We were at JoAnn's and you wanted to buy this little wooden box with a latch.  I assumed you wanted to keep little treasures in it... rocks, legos, pieces of paper.... but oh no... you have something else in mind.  We got home and no sooner had we gotten in the door you ran to me, with your box and said "Mom! You're my special helper today!  Guess what's in the magic box... it starts with the letter M and it has two wheels!"  At that moment I realized you were playing the game Mrs. Slat does every day at school.  Oh my sweet boy I love you!

Your little brother has been quite a pill lately and I am proud of you for handling him the way you do.  Sure, there are plenty of times you do your fair share of picking on him, but there are also just as many times that your response to him makes me so proud.   Like when he says "I HATE you, Puttter (becuase he calls you Putter, even though he can say POR-ter when we ask him to say it correctly)." you reply back, "Well I LOVE you, Hudson." Did I mention you make me so proud?

Lately you've been really concerned with growing up.  You tell me you'll miss me when you grow up, and that you don't want me to get old.  Oh, buddy, I don't want to get old either, and I sure will miss the little boy you once were when you are a grown man... but I can't wait to see the amazing person you become.  One thing you can be sure of, I will always love you SO SO much, no matter how old you are.

Happy Birthday, Porter Evan!  We love you!

Some things about you at 5:

• You weight 39.5lbs and are 41.5 inches tall
• Your favorite place to be is outside... no matter the temperature or weather you like to be outdoors. 
• Your favorites:
• Animal: Deer
• Color: Green
• Movie: Home Alone 3
• Person?  Grandma  Why/  because I love her
• Song: The monkey one (5 little monkeys) and Party in the USA
• Food: Chicken Nuggets
• Drink: Chocolate milk
• Number: I don't know... 29
• You know all the letters in the alphabet, their sounds, can identify the beginning and ending sounds of words and often sounds you hear in the middle of words.  
• You can count into the 60's (although you sometimes need help remembering 30, 40, 50, 60... the numbers in-between are easy)
• You know our address and phone number (and even wrote down my cell phone number the other day and showed it to me... love that it is written completely backwards and the numbers are backwards as well LOL!)
• You like to dress yourself and pick out your outfits and often do this at night before bed.  You're really good at matching things and putting together cute outfits (at least cute to ME)

This is the outfit Porter set out last night to wear today.  

Happy Birthday, Hudson Riley!

My little Hudson Bessie,  where do I start with you?  I can't believe how much you fill out our family, my little blonde haired, blue eyed peanut.  Where you came from, I have no idea.  When you were in my belly I pictured you looking like a clone of your big brother, but you are far from that.  You look so much like your daddy, but with blonde hair and blue eyes and I adore that sooooo much.  See, I never in my life thought we'd have a little blondie in our family.  You are so special!!

You have grown up so much in the past month and, well, I'm not sure if shooting about 93 newborn session in the past few months as well has made this so much clearer but.... you aren't a baby anymore!  You talk!  You talk in sentences!  You have conversations with us!  You ask questions and you wait for answers.  I love when you and Porter talk to each other in the car.  While you both can talk a mile a minute, you often keep your conversations short and sweet.  Its like you know what the other is saying and you don't need to say much more.  

One of my favorite things you say lately is "bench."  Which happens to come out altogether wrong!!  Picture this.... "Hudson, where do you put Mater and Mine Mine at Miss Marleen's?"   "Mih Mah-leens b%tch!"  HAHA!  See, you put your stuff on her BENCH in the living room, but it doesn't really come out that way.  It cracks me up every time.  

 

You are slowly getting to be more independent.  Up until recently you wouldn't let me go in or out of the house if you were in the other place.  Lately, though, you've been venturing outside with Porter and I'm able to run inside for a bit if needed.  

You LOVE Cars still.... Mater and "Queen Car" are your favorites.  You also like Sarge a bit, too.  And Thomas.... he's still just 2nd place but you love to watch Thomas too.  

You are voicing your opinion so much lately.  We were in the car the other day and you were whining about something.  I turned the radio up a bit to drown out your whining and you told me, in your crankiest voice  "I NO LIKE song!"   You say this often.... "I no like"  and I just love it.  I know it won't be cute when you're say, 4, and still saying that (let's hope you catch onto proper grammar, mmmkay?), but for now its endearing.  

When we go to Target you automatically know we're getting popcorn and a "flushie" and you ask for them before I even get the van parked.  I've trained you well, I suppose. 

We still call you Bessie.... Hudson Bessie.... Bess.... Sorry, kiddo, but I think its sticking.  You can thank your big brother for that one!

Hudson, I can't imagine life without you.  You give me happy fuzzies in my tummy just thinking about your little snuggly self.  I am amazed at the little toddler you've become and I can't wait to see what a young boy you turn into.  But please, don't grow too fast. 

I love you, Hudson Riley!

Love, Mama

Itch

Lately I've been having this itch to move.  Yes, nuts, I know.  I'm not sure why, though, because we loooove our house.  

I think a lot of it stems from the fact that i just finished a huge hunt to find a preschool for Porter and that he will soon be in kindergarten.  Deep in the heart of my hearts I want my kids to go to Western.  When we bought our house we were debating between Perfect House/Not Ideal Area and Perfect Area/Not Ideal House.  We compromised on the location in lieu of the perfect, much larger home and decide the boys would go to Center schools.  I think deep down I'm feeling this quickly approaching school milestone and I'm not 100% ready to let go of the idea of them going to Western.  

I was thinking about "T" House the other day... The house we were considering with this house.  I love the area it is in (near Western schools) but I was just imagining what it'd be like if we'd gave bought that house. Only just under 1400sq ft...  No playroom.  Small kitchen.  Only 3 bedrooms.  Huge, tall ceiling basement but not a stitch of  it finished.  The upstairs had more natural light than I could dream of and vaulted ceilings in the living room that made it feel larger but oh my... I can't imagine how crowded we'd be already! 

I keep thinking that there is no way we'd be able to afford the type of house we'd want/need in Western schools.... Our "must haves" in a house are pretty stiff after living here.  *Minimum 1800- 2,000sq ft in upper levels + an additional full basement.  *Minimum 4 bedrooms.  *Open kitchen/dining room.  *Preferably a den to convert into a playroom.  And things we don't have (but have the ability to remodel into our current house): *2 car garage, *main floor laundry and *master bathroom. 

I wish I could just pick up our house and move it to Spring Arbor.  I know that the houses with our criteria would be out of our price range and any meeting most of it would be few and far between.  And then comes the fact that there is no way I'd want to go through moving again.  Uhch.  I've considered doing school of choice an taking Porter to school (especially since I'm working there right now) but that is so uncertain.  Who say I'll be there forever and if I were to work elsewhere I do t want to be stuck commuting the boys across town for school.

So there's my rambling.  Can't I just pick u my house and move it? That would make things so much easier.  I suppose my only realistic option is to accept the fact that they aren't going to attend Western and that things will be a-ok if they don't.  They will do just fine at Center,  they'll make good friends and do well academically the same as they would at Western. 

Sigh.  But it's just not that easy for me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Happy Birthday, Porter Evan!

At the risk of sounding like a broken record I will say it again... where does time go?  How how how am I the momma to a 4 year old?  It amazes me how fast time has flown by.  It also amazes me to see what a wonderful little person Porter is growing up to be. 

Porter,

You will always be my special boy... you made me a mama.  You were the first one to make us not just a husband and wife but a mom and dad.... a family.   You are such a special kid.... you are so curious and clever and, while you are often a source of my frustration, I wouldn't trade this in for anything.  I know someday you will grow up to be a brilliant scientist or you will invent something new, or be a strong leader for something.  You are determined and strong willed and persistent.  You have so many great qualities that I am so proud of. 

My favorite thing about you is your humor.  You say the silliest things.  Just tonight we laid in bed chatting about your birthday.  I got ahead of myself and started talking about how soon you'll be in college and moving into your own home.  You stuck out your bottom lip and got choked up and told me "But I don't want to live there, mom!  There won't be any toys there!"  You know what, kiddo?  You can live with me forever.  Fine by me.  I told you I couldn't believe that 4 years ago today you came out of my belly.  You asked me how you got out of my belly and I turned the question on you.  You said you thought you crawled up my throat and out of my mouth.  But if my mouth was closed you couldn't get ou.  Then you got silly... you said you came out of my butt (well... actually...).   You get a kick out of anything that has to do with butt or poop, so naturally you started saying you got poop in your eyes and poop in your mouth and we were laying there and laughing until we both had tears in our eyes.  You always seem to put a smile on my face and make me laugh.

Lately you've been saying "Freeze!"  Like... if we're in the store and you want to see something you'll say "Mom!  Stop.  Mom... FREEZE!"  Sometimes you throw in a "Red light!" in there once in awhile. 

One of your nicknames is Cranky Franky... it started when you were a baby and it just stuck.  It's very fitting, though, as when you wake up we try not to say anything to you.... one wrong word, one wrong look, one wrong touch can set you off into a tantrum or whining or pouting.  Despite your crankiness, you are such a snuggler.  And I try to soak it up as much as I can because I know someday you aren't going to want me to snug with you.  That or you won't fit on my lap... whichever comes first. 

There are many times lately I've felt like I've failed you as a Mom.  I've yelled too much, spanked you out of anger instead of trying to set an example, ignored you because I had other things that needed my attention and just plain wasn't the mom you deserved at that moment.  I'm sorry.  I am trying hard to change and I hope that Year 4 will be a better one.  I'm hoping I can be the "Nice Mommy" you tell me you want me to be.  It both cracks me up and makes me sad when I surprise you by not getting angry over something you did and you say to me "You're being nice to me, Mommy!"  I mean... you know you should be in trouble but jeez... how bad is it that you are surprised I'm nice?  I just hope that when you look back on these years... these years that should be the best of your life... that you will smile.  And you will remember the fun we had and the laughter and snuggling and wrestling. 

I love you, Porter Evan. 

Love,
Mama

Happy Birthday Hudson Riley!

I think every mom says this on her baby's first birthday... "HOW has it been a year already?" This past year has flown by. And the fact that Hudson is such an easygoing little guy has made the time go by even faster. It amazes me that he's hardly a baby anymore... he's on his way to being a toddler... a kid. Not my baby anymore!

I remember the day before I was induced I was a nervous wreck. I was unsure of what the new addition would do to our family, how we would adjust, how he would fit in. I can't believe I ever worried! Every fear, every worry, every concern... its out the window. And now I sit and wonder... how did we ever live without him?

I'm feeling slightly like a terrible mom today.... last night the boys stayed with my sister and on my way home I realized... I won't even get to greet my little sunshine on the morning of his first birthday! Someone get me the Mom of the Year award... HAHA! I did call him this morning and Heather said he grinned from ear to ear when he heard me talking to him. I can't wait to see him after work and spend the evening with my special Birthday Boy!

Hudson, you are such a special little boy. Your smile is so contagious and you are so amazingly sweet. I look at you and can hardly remember life before you. I am slowly watching this little boy unfold in front of my eyes.... you're growing so fast and learning so much every single day. I love how you talk constantly, even though we have no idea what you're saying. You're such a lover... you love to hug and snuggle. You are my weak spot... you've been a mama's boy from day one and you definitely have captured my heart. I am not sure if its your personality or the fact that right now you are my "baby", but you surely have my number! I tend to spoil you a bit more than I should, and baby you a bit more than I thought I would, but I'm enjoying every minute of it. And I'm sure you are too! Your birthday is so bittersweet to me. I can't wait to see the little boy you are turning into, but I want to hold onto the baby you once were.

Happy Birthday Bess, I love you!

From Mommy:
1. My name is Hudson, but you like to call me: Bess, Sunshine, Besser Boo

2. What day of the week was I born? Tuesday, just like your brother

3. What is your favorite memory of me?

4. If my life had a soundtrack, the theme song for my first year would be:

5. In 20 years, I will turn 21. What do you think I will be doing? I hope you will be in college,
making good choices :)

6. The silliest thing I do is: Sleep sitting up, but folded over in half.

7. What is your favorite picture of Hudson? An out of focus one I took in the playroom... your smile could light up a room.

8. What one word best describes me? Smiley

9. If I were a superhero, who would I be? Captain Rubberleggs

10. What do you love best about me? Your smile. Your big blue eyes. The way you lean your head on the kitty "ghee!" to snug on her. The way you get so excited when you hear Oma's voice. How you drive your trucks "tuck!" back and forth, making truck sounds. That you have been such an easy baby from Day 1.

From Daddy:
1. My name is Hudson, but you like to call me: BESS
2. What day of the week was I born? TUESDAY?
3. What is your favorite memory of me? TOO MANY / YOUR FIRST CRAWL
4. If my life had a soundtrack, the theme song for my first year would be: "NO HUDSON NO"
5. In 20 years, I will turn 21. What do you think I will be doing? GOING TO COLLEGE
6. The silliest thing I do is: SLEEP SITTING UP
7. What is your favorite picture of Hudson? WITH HIS BIG BRO PORTER
8. What one word best describes me? NEEDY
9. If I were a superhero, who would I be? IS THERE ONE THAT DOESN'T USE HIS LEGS?!?!?!
10. What do you love best about me? EVERYTHING

Happy #3!!

I know every mom says this same thing when their child celebrates a birthday.... " I can NOT believe they are XX years old!" And I'll say it again... I can NOT believe he is already 3 years old. It amazes me how fast time has flown by. Especially the past year and a half. I feel like just before I got pregnant with Hudson I thought he was SO old.... he was such a "big boy" and now here he is... almost a pre-schooler! How can it be?

I am so thankful for this little guy, even though some days he drives me absolutely crazy. He is such a clever and inquisitive and humorous kid and I love that about him. I'm so proud of his mind and heart, so proud that his little life is the one that made me a mommy.

He's had quite a "Birthday Weekend" rather than just a "birth-day". Today we're actually in Dundee at Splash Universe with Ry's dad, Lori, Don and the girls. Lucky bum, our trip fell on his birthday weekend. He woke up this morning and I had planned on making him Mickey Mouse pancakes but I forgot to make sure we had one key ingredient.... Bisquick. So, he settled for frozen waffles.

His actual party is tomorrow, and I'm so excited about it. I let him pick his theme from an online party website and he picked Mickey Mouse. So, I took that into consideration and went with a color themed party, centered around Mickey. Ry, Hudson and I are leaving early tomorrow and going home to deck out the house and get his cupcakes made. Ry's dad is taking Porter to Cabella's and then bringing him home for the party. I can't wait to surprise him with the decorations. He knows he's having a party, but really that's about it.

Since his party is tomorrow and we're out of town on his actual Day, we decided to let him open our gifts last night. We had a movie night with his new movie, Herbie, and ordered pizza and had an ice cream cake. His gifts are centered around the take-em-apart-put-em-back-together type. The Automoblox minis are a HIT. He loves them. He loves trading the tires and mixing and matching them. Definitely worth the cost. (I also ran across a great deal at Toys R Us last week... the C9 that retails for $38 was on clearance for $14!! Easter Bunny will be bringing that!). We got him the movie Herbie and also a take apart airplane/helicopter set similar to this.

I've always been terrible with making birthdays special for people.... I can remember to call or send an e-card (but RARELY a regular card and I'm so terrible with gifts if its not immediate family), but I am determined to make my kids' birthdays their special day. Now that Porter is starting to understand what birthdays are, its been so fun this year. All week he's been counting down the days to his birthday. He went grocery shopping with Ry on Thursday and was telling everyone he met that his birthday was in 2 days. Funny guy.

Happy Birthday, Poe! I love you dude.

Porter is 2!

I can't believe our little baby boy is already 2! It just amazes and terrifies me at how fast time goes by. He amazes us every day with his sweetness, cleverness and wit. Not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings to have him. I think every parent says this, of course, but he brings so much joy and happiness (ok, and chaos) to our lives. I can't imagine what we would do without him, and furthermore, can't even remember what life was like without him.

Happy Birthday, P-Man!



Here are some things about Porter at 2:

• He can identify the colors red, blue, green, orange, yellow, brown and purple
• He can count to 10 (err... say the numbers 1-10 in order. I wouldn't say count, though, as in one-to-one correspondence). He likes to count the stairs when we walk up or down stairs.
  
• Knows the shapes: square, triangle, diamond, oval, circle
• Can identify the letters P, E and O
• He talks up a storm... lots of sentences, lots of words in them. The other day he asked me "Where we goin?" and he was looking under the entertainment center to find a ball and said "I don't see anything."
  
• He has been sucking on Rocky when he sleeps. Eww.
  
• When he's mad, he throws or hits things. He has such a temper.
• He's still all about trucks. Trucks trucks trucks. He loves to line them up, drive them on things, carry them around and his favorite... bite the rubber tires off.
  
• He says things like "Where my {insert item} is?", "Nevermind" and "
  
• Loves Cars, Finding Nemo and Toy Story
• Loves sleeping in his big boy bed, goes to sleep like a champ but for the life of me he does not like to stay in bed all night.
  
• He's a major backseat driver. He's always telling me "Go dat way" and pointing to whichever road he thinks we should be turning on.

That's Porter in a nutshell. Our crazy little man.

Today he'll spend the day with his Nina, and then after work I am going to take him to Maggie Moo's and spoil him with an ice cream dinner! I feel bad because Ryan has class this evening (Bummer! But, I'm hoping he can sneak in a little late and join us for ice cream) so I want to make our evening fun, even though daddy can't be home with us. We want to take Porter bowling for his birthday, so we'll probably do that Friday after Ryan gets out of work. And then, Porter's party is on Sunday. So, he'll have an event filled weekend!