Deep thoughts on "Siblingships"

This afternoon I came across this blog post:  What I love about being a Mama: Sibling Friendships and while I could relate to that euphoric feeling of melting into a puddle at seeing your children truly LOVE each other, it also made me feel really sad.  Sad, you say?  Why?!  *sigh*

Sometimes I feel like the biggest mama failure ever because my kids rarely seem to like each other.

The boys fight ALL. THE. TIME.  And if I were to pinpoint a "culprit" it would be Porter... because I swear to goodness we can get into the car after pickup and I ask how their days were and Hudson starts to excitedly tell me and Porter, rarely ever fails, has to make some snide remark about how stupid that was or that sounds dumb.  I mean, its not ALWAYS Porter, but if I were honest he's the instigator 75% of the time.

It's not just that... its really so much more.  The boys get along with Amelia great.  She's the munchkin little sister that they adore.  Sure, she annoys them but for the most part, they bend over backwards for her... her little antics and needs are charming and adorable.  But with each other?   They can't see past the ends of their noses.  A brother asking for a favor is a huge inconvenience.  They don't talk nice to each other.

Don't get me wrong... there are times that they get along beautifully.  Usually it is when I am fed up with their fighting so I send them both to their separate rooms, only to find they've snuck into Porter's room to quietly play legos together.  And there are times they'll wrestle and joke around, or ask to have sleepovers in Hudson's room (because he has 2 beds), or times that they play Minecraft together and crack each other up.  Oh I relish those times... I stare at them in awe wondering why... WHY can't it be like this all the time?  Why can't they have this beautiful "siblingship" where they adore each other and have each others back all the time?

I don't really know how to change it.  I don't really know what I've done wrong... or what I can do to make it right.  Sometimes I feel like its a crapshoot, this siblingship... that personalities often just clash and make it impossible for them to be "friends" most of the time.  But sometimes I feel like its something I've done, something I've not nurtured, somewhere I've gone wrong.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this... I'd love to know how your children's relationships are.  Are they close in age?  Far apart?  Different genders or the same?  Do they share a room?  Do they have similar personalities?  Has their friendship been close from the beginning or was it a work in progress?   Tell me the scoop, friends.... this mama needs help.

Hospital Bag?

Shouldn't I be prepared this 3rd time around?  HAH!  I am at a loss as to what to pack in a bag for the hospital.   Obviously, my no-brainers are:  Camera, Charger, CF Cards, Video Camera..... and..... uhm..   hahaha!

The hospital (at least when I had Hudson) provided most of the "essentials" while you're there... diapers, wipes, formula, pads, etc etc.   So, I know not to pack all those things.

Help me out... what were some "must haves" you packed for the hospital when you delivered?

Epidural or Not?

Something that has been on my mind a bit lately is my "birth plan" for baby girl.  I'll be honest... I'm a "mom of convenience".  I have no problem with modern conveniences and using them (scheduled inductions, getting an epidural, bottle feeding, sleep training, etc etc), and typically think its nuts to not make use of something that can make your life easier.

Awhile back I made up my Bucket List (oddly I've been revisiting this list a lot lately to see what kind of goals I can complete.  Is this because I have recently turned 30 and somehow feel like life is so short??)  So on my list was to give birth naturally.  This will 99.9% be my last delivery (unless some miracle should happen!), and I am kind of feeling like this is my last chance to

A couple years back I read Dooce's birth story (Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3) and was totally inspired to try a natural childbirth.  Actually, I think she was the reason I added it to my Bucket List, that's how inspired I was!

My mom texted me a few months ago and had been reading my Bucket List and said "I noticed on your bucket lst..... give birth without drugs.... this is your chance!" And I was all "Hahahahahahah!  No way.  I enjoyed Hudson's birth too much!  Hahahahahaha!"

And then last week I came across this blog and read her birth story and thought... maybe I should reconsider?  Maybe I should try it?  This IS my last chance....

However.... I'm terrified of the pain.  I'm terrified of having a sucky ass birth experience, especially when it is my last.  Hudson's birth- amazing.  Went in at 7am, induced, epi at 11, delivered shortly after 1pm.  And sure... I think, I only had the epi for 2 hours... I could do 2 hours of hell, right?  I probably could.  But what if... what if I end up with a 20 hour labor or something?  EEEK!  I guess I could always give in?  I don't know.

I personally have nothing against getting an epidural.  Like I said, both of my deliveries were fine, though Hudson's so much easier (P came out sunny side up and I pushed for 2.5 hours so.... I was pretty exhausted after delivering him).  Hudson... I had him in 2 pushes and sat up and was all "I could do that again!"   I don't remember feeling terrible after delivery, or anything like that.  I don't regret the epidural at all.  I think I'm mostly looking at trying natural childbirth just to... I dunno... see if I could do it?  WTF.  HAHA!  Its just... I always hear people knocking inductions- saying labor is harder, worse etc... blah blah.   But I was induced both times and would gladly beg for another induction this time.  I didn't feel like my labors were terrible at all.  So, when people typically say its "easier" after a natural delivery I kind of silently think "uhh huh..." because I really don't have memories of horror after two induced epidural deliveries.

I'd love to hear your thoughts... advice... websites... links.... stories... share away!  Have any of you readers attempted a natural childbirth after an epi childbirth?  Which did you prefer?  Did you cave in and end up with an epidural?

Lime Green?

Okay so I love this charteruse/lime green color.... what do you think... is this bike uber dorky?  It is $244 in stores... but $199 online (with free shipping to home!)


OTherwise... I found this bike for $129:


Or this one for $149:


Although... after testing out the pink and the "sagey-teal" green (it is more of a minty teal green in stores...), I am not sure I like the style of the pink Schwinn... the handle bars felt kind of awkward.  I almost preferred the "hybrid" style bike... which I think the lime green schwinn is more of a hybrid rather than cruiser.  Hmm.   Decisions decisions!

Getting a new set of wheels

Bicycle wheels, that is (believe me how WONDERFUL it would be to get a new set of vehicle wheels... I'm so OVER the van.  Unfortunately- or fortunately- it is paid off and I won't be getting anything new for quite some time).

After this past camping trip I decided I need to get a bike.  Porter is independent on his bike, on 2 wheels, and it would be so fun this summer to take the boys on bike rides.  Not to mention we are going to Mackinaw this August and plan to go to the island and I'm sure there are tons of bike trails near the campground.

I'm undecided on a type of bike to get, however.  I used to have a mountain bike... but I really don't care for the "hunched over" feeling of riding a mountain bike or 10 speed.  I have been eyeing the vintage-look "cruisers" and kind of feel like I should go that route... some have gears so that would combine both styles of bikes.  Although I did find a "comfort bike" that is similar to a mountain bike but not as "hunched".  Hmm.   Any opinions?   I am looking at low end bikes.... Huffy, Schwinn etc... I doubt I'll spend a ton of time on the bike and I am not about to spend a lot of money on one.  My last bike was a Murray or something like that and I had it for a good 10+ years (and then stupidly sold it in a garage sale about 4 years ago for $10!).

There is this one for $89:

This one is $119

This one is $145


Although I kind of like the style of men's bikes better....
I like this "vintage-y" looking bike for $159


$145:


Or maybe red:



Gah.  I don't know.   Hmm......

Bloggy Thoughts

I need some advice... some alternate views, input, on my blog situation.  I really hate being private.  I miss the blog community and simplicity of a public blog.  But, let's face it, I'm a very OPEN person when it comes to blogging and (especially as of late) there are many topics I don't prefer co-workers, employers, clients or other people in my "real life" to read.

My first thought was to change over to Wordpress, which will allow me to password some posts if I want.  I have transferred my blog, went through and passworded posts (there are 15 in the past year, to be exact) and I've now realized I really don't want to deal with Wordpress.  First off, its costly.  The free WP gives you only a select few templates, a narrow blog with tiny header.  You have to pay to customize CSS etc.  Basically, any "extras" you pay for.  I really don't want to financially support my blog just because there are some topics (mainly therapy) that I don't want to remain public.  

I'm wondering if I should just delete those posts, or unpublish them, or create a "therapy blog" altogether.  Hmm...    This would make sense as I am not sure I want some of those posts to be in my Blog Books for my kids to read once they're older.  Although... this is real, these are issues I'm struggling with and I'm not sure my kids are really going to sit down and read through a 400 page blog book before they're an adult.  I dunno... maybe?  Who knows.  But, I hate "blocking" this part of my life (as much as I hate that it IS part of my life and something I'm struggling with right now)

I'm also thinking... maybe change my blog address and keep it private from Facebook (which is where co-workers have contact with me).  I think I will do this regardless.... I've "published" my blog on FB with NetworkedBlogs  (only b/c it is private right now and I know no one can read it w/o a password) but I don't think that I want to do that anymore.  If I changed the blog addy, I could essentially "start over" with readers.

So.... what to do.  Ideas?  Please? 

Shoes shoes shoes

Porter needs a new pair of tennis shoes for the fall/winter.... currently he has an ugly pair of black/red/white ones from Target (aka... his play shoes) and a pair of "flame" Converse from Target (trend, here... Target??).

Now, he's 4.5  He honestly doesn't CARE what kind of shoes he has... although he loves his Converse and the color green, but he hasn't really ever had a say in buying shoes.

And given the fact that he does love those ugly black/red/white shoes, I'm not sure he's going to get a say right now, either HAHAH!

I am overwhelmed at the options for boys tennis shoes.  Athletic basketbally shoes, skater shoes, retro shoes, rugged mountain type shoes, soccer shoes... etc etc etc.  How do you CHOOSE?

So, I went to Zappos.com and picked out some of my fav's from these "categories".... can you help me choose? If you had a 4.5 year old (or if you do) how would/do you choose tennis shoes for them?  By your style (ahem... I am sooo not a shoe shopper... and as far as tennis shoes go I have running shoes.  That's it) or by their choice or by what is "in" for kids shoes?

Okay... Converse.... low top? hi top?  laces? slip on?

Alone

Where to start... where to start.  I don't even know where to start.

I've had it UP TO HERE with Porter.  I am throwing my hands up... tossing in the towel.  I surrender.  I don't know what to do with the kid anymore. 

I feel like I'm always portraying him to be this awful demon child.  He isn't, really... but his naughtiness seems to suffocate my life. While he can make me laugh and he is the most clever little dude... at the same time he so easily drive me up the wall.

I should write down all the things he does... the things he gets into.  I should write them down for a week and bullet-list them here and your jaw would drop.  Seriously.

Porter got sick on the way home from Preschool so I left work early to pick him up.  I made a doctor's appt for him (4pm) and let him lay on the couch and watch a movie instead of napping.  I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to him bouncing around. 

With chocolate all over his face.

Turns out he'd pushed the barstool over to the freezer and eaten two of the Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches.  Yes... the low fat ones that cost like $5 for the package of 6. 

I scolded him and told him he is NOT to get into the fridge or freezer without asking.  Not kidding... the kid will help himself to string cheese and go through a 12 pack in 2 days.  And string cheese is not cheap, either.

The rest of the evening goes on and he keeps dinking with the cat... trying to pick it up and ever time he's near Ella I hear her meow an irritated "leave me alone" meow.  After telling him for the 5th time to leave her alone I spanked him. He cried.  He called me a bully.  Blah blah blah.

Dinner time.... the kid needs velcro.  He's up and down and up and down.  I need to just be more consistent and just take his food and throw it away the first time he gets up but instead I find myself warning him once or twice and then finally yelling at him to stay in his seat.  That's an easy enough fix, I suppose.

Then he turns his fork into a catapult and flung cucumber across the dining room.  He continued after I scolded him so I took his fork away.  We were eating chicken and rice... big surprise he never got around to eating his rice b/c he had no fork.

All night it was whine whine whine.  (I should have had some wine wine wine, I guess!!!) He's been throwing these toddler-like tantrums lately... tantrums you'd expect from a 2 year old.

I put the boys in the bath because I was done.  Done being mommy tonight.  I got them in the bath and only had to tell Porter about 5 times to stop bugging his brother in the bath.  Don't dump water on him.  Don't spray water out of your mouth at his face.  Stop laying in the tub and pushing your brother to the end of the tub.  Don't take his toy. 

I finally got them out, got their pj's on and told Porter to go play downstairs or in his room while I read Hudson a book and put him to bed.   I enjoyed my quiet time with Hudson and wished our day had more of that peacefulness rather than whining, yelling, tantrums and scolding.

I went downstairs to find Porter eating ANOTHER ice cream sandwich.  I about flipped.  There was ONE single Skinny Cow sandwich left... and I hadn't eaten a single one (and neither had Ryan or Cam...).  I told him to get his toys picked up and get up to bed. 

 I turned around to find the cute heart garland I'd made yesterday ripped down from the curtain. I asked him if he did it and he confessed.  I asked why.... he told me because he didn't want it up there.  And I had JUST explained to him yesterday that we had to be very careful with it.  He helped me carry it upstairs and put it on the curtain rod and I explained how the thread was thin and we couldn't pull or step on it or it'd break. 

That was my last straw.  I dragged him upstairs and tossed him into bed without a story.  I took away his lightbulb in his lamp (he likes to sleep with his little lamp on) and shut the door.  He cried and yelled downstairs that I was being a bully to him. 

I don't know what to do, short of putting a child leash on him and making him follow me around the house.  I can't be near him every second and I've tried making him sit in the room with me while I cook dinner etc... so he doesn't fight with Hudson or doesn't have the chance to be mean to the dog/cat but it never fails I get sidetracked and forget to make sure he sits there. 

Do I have to freaking take away every stool and chair in my house so he stops getting up on the counters and into things?

WHAT DO I DO?  I feel like I'm so alone... no one else I've ever talked to has or has had a child like Porter...  I don't mean to make him out to be a bad kid but he's so curious and independent and that gets him into trouble.  I hate that he doesn't listen to rules when I tell him not to get into things... its like he disregards any boundaries I set. 

PLEASE HELP before I lose my mind. 

**ETA**

We have tried taking away toys.  He doesn't necessarily have a favorite toy... he plays with trucks.  And we have like 50 million cars/trucks so if one is taken away he typically shrugs it off and moves onto another one.  We do take away toys if he throws them or there is a fight over a certain toy.  But... its not uncommon for Porter to again, take a stool up to the entertainment center or the top of the fridge when we're out of the room and get the toy.  I don't have all the time in the world to keep tabs on toys in "time out" and I often don't realize he's reclaimed a toy until later in the day when he's already been playing with it for hours. 

TFT: Oink Oink... To Do or Not To Do

(TFT... aka Thoughts on Thursday... if you've forgotten!!)

So I want to know the scoop... are you or aren't you getting the Swine Flu Vaccine (ok, the H1N1 to be correct... ugh... Swine Flu is just so much... better HAHA!).

When the swine flu outbreaks happened in the spring I immediately freaked out. I sprayed down the kids' desks every day when I came into work and made them use hand sanitizer numerous random times throughout the day.

Then, over the summer, it seemed to die down and wasn't such a big "deal". Probably because kids weren't in school, I supposed.

And then I heard that they had the H1N1 Vaccine coming out and my first thought was "Sign me up!" I'm so paranoid that my kids will get sick and die.

THEN I started to read people's comments online and really turned against it... its too new. It was rushed on the market. What if the side effects of the vaccine outweigh the side effects of getting H1N1? What if there are side effects that they don't know about like, say, everyone who gets the vaccine develops a brain tumor, or some kind of stutter, or grows a curly tail? Is the Swine Flu really THAT big of a deal? I mean, what, 35,000 people a year die of the regular flu and we don't flip out about getting that.

So we had a discussion at work today and I'm still on the line. I heard lots of good points to get it (a co-workers' relative is the president or something of the medical research at Harvard and he said GET IT!), but I also heard lots of negatives too (mainly the points I mentioned above).

Tell me....
Are you getting the vaccine? Will your kids be getting the vaccine?

Why or why not? What are your reasons for or against getting it?

Have you read anything that has convinced you either way?

Musical beds

Internet, give me your thoughts.

Recently we've been discussing furniture and looking at beds for Hudson. We don't plan to move Hudson out of his crib for another year or so but I just want to keep my eyes open and get a feel for what type of furniture I want in his room.

Right now here are the rooms we have and what beds we have:

Our room: Queen bed
Guest room: Full bed
Porter's room: Twin bunks
Hudson's room: crib

Porter has pretty much moved into the guest room. Err "gas" room he calls it. For some reason he prefers to sleep in there and its less of a struggle to keep him in bed if we just let him sleep in there. At first I refused, but then my grandma said "Don't make it an issue... let him sleep in there and he'll grow out of that phase." So that's what we've done. But now he's like, only wanting to sleep in the guest room.

We had a talk tonight about the beds and I asked if he just didn't like the bunk over his head. That would be easy enough to solve as we could give Hudson one bed and Porter the other (although, for possible houseguest purposes, we wanted to keep bunks in one room). We took the top bunk off and Porter still wanted to sleep in the guest room.

I asked him if we should move the bunks into the guest room and the guest bed into his room and if we did, what room would he want to sleep in? "My room but in the guest bed."

Ok, I don't blame him. The guest bed is SUPER comfy. As in, I would choose the guest bed mattress over our queen mattress hands down. It is like heaven.

So, I'm wondering.... should we buy a twin mattress that is super comfy like the guest bed mattress and put that on the bottom bunk for Porter and hope that makes him want to sleep in the bunks again?

We only have one mattress for the bunk right now.... the top bunk just has an air mattress... so really, this is a completely logical option.

Should we save the bunks for Hudson's room and let Porter have the full sized bed for his room and buy a new bed for the guest room?

I really hate to use the bunks in any room other than Porter's since I bought two twin quilts for Porter's room. And I already have the fabric to make a twin sized quilt for Hudson's room. If we give Porter the full sized bed I'd have to buy him a new quilt, buy more fabric to make a second quilt for Hudson's room and I'd have two twin quilts extra from Porter's current bed situation (bunks).

Or, should we just MAKE Porter sleep in his room and refuse to let him sleep in the guest room?

What would you do?

And now a glimpse into what I'm dealing with

A huge sigh can be heard from me numerous times a day.

Ryan let me sleep in today and when I got up Hudson was kind of fussy. So I got him breakfast and sat him up to the table to eat his oatmeal. And then I noticed it.

A bite mark on his arm. A 3-year olds bite mark. (Thanks, Little D!)

I called Porter over and asked him what it was.

P: "It's from me."

Me: "Why did you do that?"

P: " Because."

I questioned a couple more times and finally Porter pauses, looks at me with all the seriousness in the world, sticks a hand out, the other on his hip.

P: " I know what his problem is, Mom. I know what the problem is. I just need him to be back in your belly!"

I. Kid. You. Not.

I ask day after day... WHERE did this kid come from and WHERE does he get these things?

I bit my lip to stop from laughing. We had a long talk about how biting is such an UGLY thing to do and a VERY BAD choice. We discussed better choices of things to do besides biting. (turns out Hudson was trying to take Porter's truck?)

It seemed to hit home when I said "I'm so sad that Hudson's bucket is so empty right now."
Porter said "And my bucket is full!"
Me: "No... no your bucket is very empty too. Its so sad."
Porter got a very sad look on his face and said "Yeah, I was being a bucket dipper. But.... Hudson was being a bucket dipper too!"
I told him "Well, instead, you could have been a bucket filler for him and you both would have very full buckets right now instead of empty ones."
He says... "Yeah...."

I'm just not sure what to do about the biting. We've never had to deal with this before.. Porter has always been able to verbalize what he was mad/angry about and never resorted to this type of angry actions until he was bit by Donnie a few times when we were camping. I'm just not sure what to do to nip it in the butt. Any suggestions?! My only thought right now is to bite him back. It makes me so angry that he's resorting to this!

Some random notes:

• Is it just me, or does anyone else like Steve from SteveSongs on PBS Kids?
• Hudson is such a serious a-hole when it comes to eating solids. I dread feeding him as there are a select few foods he'll eat without getting pissed. His typical reaction is to stick his rock hard tongue out and just leave it there... like some dink head. And when I manage to sneak a spoonful of food in he literally holds his mouth open, with his tongue sticking out and just grunts and whines and looks around, avoiding me and the glob of food melting in his mouth. I hate feeding him so much (even more than I hate giving my kids baths!!) that I've even looked online to see if babies really NEED baby food... can't we just wait until he's able to gnaw real people foods? This baby food business is way too messy. ** I should mention... he loves his oatmeal, which I mix with apple juice. He gobbles it right up... so its not that he doesn't know how to swallow baby food... he just hates anything that isn't a fruit (and often doesn't like many fruits!). I try feeding him those dinners and he screams and gags like I'm trying to feed him dog poo...
  
• I'm loving my cars ESP (that is... electronic stability program) in these snowy conditions... it seriously keeps my car under so much more control. Love it. However... my backup beeper sensor is a p.i.t.a.... apparently when snow covers the sensors (must find out where those are), it alerts your car that there IS.Something. BEHIND.IT. Right. NOW. Freaked me out at Target.... I waited and waited for "whoever" get the hell out from behind my car and then I realized... there wasn't anyone.
• I got my hair cut today... its been nearly 4 months. I left the front somewhat longer (about chin length or a little below) and hacked up the back super short. I got home and Porter leaned out the back door and said "You're HOME now, Mommy! Your hair looks beautiful!" (awww!) Thank you, Grandma for prepping him to be a good little son!

Alright... off to bed. I'm hoping to tackle cleaning/organizing this house tomorrow!! I might have to take a picture of my office/guest room... its a disaster.

Speaking of.... I'm still not sure what to do with our office/guest room. Our house could possibly be a 5 bedroom home... we have 4 bedrooms upstairs and the basement has a family room area and a bedroom/office as well.

Currently, I have the extra bedroom upstairs as my office AND our guest room. Eventually we'll be finishing the basement with drywall (has paneling up now).... I'm not sure whether it'd be better to have my office downstairs so that its near the family room (meaning... I could be nearby the boys and Ry if I was working... they could watch tv/play in the basement) but that'd also mean if the boys were napping I'd be further away from hearing them. OR... should we put the guest room in the basement (making it more private for guests) and keep my office upstairs (meaning... I'd be further away from family things if I was working during the day). Hmmmm what would you do?

Trying to recover from a bad day

Rough night last night...

Went to bed at 11:30
Porter woke me up at 12:30- he had to go pee
Ry's alarm clock went off randomly at 4am. Woke Porter up. He says "My timer went off! Its time to get up!)
Spent awhile getting him back to bed (which involved lots of irritated, sleep deprived yelling on my part)
at 4:30 Hudson woke up and had peed through his sheets... had to change those.
Just as I'd dozed off again I hear Ryan's alarm clock going off.

I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep last night. I felt like I had a hangover this morning.

I ended up going home at lunchtime and attempting to nap with the boys. Which didn't go that smoothly but I did manage an hour of good sleep.

I am now up and attempting to clean my house. Its a pig sty, we have laundry, dust, dishes and dirty floors up the wazoo.

Speaking of floors... I'm on the hunt for a good cleaner to get out pee smells from carpet... I think my little stinker niece left a puddle in our playroom (on the new carpet! GAH!). There has to be a good cleaner to get rid of pee smell... I've tried the orange/citrus cleaner that my grandma uses but I can still smell pee. Have any of you found anything that works good? Ryan is going to go to the pet store to see if they have anything for animal urine (I think awhile back when our dogs were puppies we used Natures Miracle or something like that?). The whole blog-world has to have some solution for me... Vinegar? Pine sol? Baking soda?

I need opinions, please....

This is probably a task only for the most dedicated of dedicated readers. It might be time consuming and thought provoking.

Ok, seriously, its not that big of a task but I would really appreciate some help and opinions.

Remember the 4x3 photo wall I am doing in our upstairs hallway? Well... I ordered frames last night (thanks to Jamie for linking me to the frames!) and the hallway- as of today- is painted and ready to go! I can NOT wait to get some pictures up there.

Now my only problem.... WHICH pictures. Seriously, I have tens of thousands of pictures on my computer. When I did a backup earlier this year I think there are close to 50,000 photo files. Can you imagine the pictures I have to go through? Its so hard to choose.

I want a mixture of details/parts/things in our life (ie... Hudsons newborn feet, Porter playing with the truck, his frog boots, Porter holding my hand... etc) and a mixture of "people" (Ryan and I, Porter and Hudson etc...)

I've "narrowed" it down to these images... I'm sure there are a ton more that I could include, but these are the ones that I've found this evening that strike my fancy. I can always replace out the images later on if I want, I figure. And I will need to update it with new image of Hudson too...

Anyhow... I need TWELVE pictures ONLY. Can you tell me your favorites? (right click > open in new window/tab to see this larger)

FYI.... I've already ordered 1e, so that will definitely be on the wall.

House accessories/color help needed

Ok...here's the deal. Our front door has two door knobs. When the house was taken by the bank they probably just took the deadbolt and instead replaced it with a cheap door knob so that the door had a lock. See exhibit A.


The screen door handle on the front door is also broken. It works, but pieces are missing and it has parts that are all jiggly and loose. And, they're bright brass, which I really dislike. So, we are using our garage sale money to buy new door knobs.

Now, seems like a simple process, right? Well... not quite. I need to look at the whole picture- we don't plan on keeping the door green (well, actually we'll probably replace the front door sometime in the far future, but for now paint will be an easy fix). Painting the door means painting our shutters- which we want to do because our neighbors house is very similar in style to ours and is the exact same colors (minus the brick on the front).

We originally thought we'd do black door and black shutters. I like the black/tan look and up here we rarely see that color combo (it seems like EVERY house has hunter green or burgundy shutters). Now, a black door means I'd pretty much get an aged bronze door handle or satin nickel. I really like satin nickel fixtures, so we figured we'd go with that.

Now... I also LOVE the oil rubbed bronze fixtures... you know the black ones that look a little distressed and have a reddish brown showing through? But... I couldn't do black handle/fixtures and a black door.

And then our front door has this white colonial style trim around the door as well as a white screen door. (I'm not a big fan of screen doors covering pretty, decorative doors, but we like to leave the doors open and let the breeze in so we do use our screen door a lot in the summer).

Will the colonial style trim and the screen door look ok with the black door and satin nickel handle? We'd also get a satin nickel light as well, I think. Does satin nickel look ok on a tan house?

I'm so unsure! I'm just not sure about colors and hardware and all that. We don't plan on painting the shutters until the spring (maybe- we have like 22 pair of shutters we'd have to paint!), so its not like its a huge deal right now, but I figured I'd better make sure the satin nickel handle we bought will look ok with the "end results." And what better place to get an opinion than here on the blog!

So... please fire away. Give me ideas... colors, hardware metals etc.... (I've tried searching for house styles like ours... which I found is called a "Garrison Colonial"... but still haven't found anything that really catches my eye)




The front door has like black metal inside the glass. Does that matter when deciding on what kind of handle to get?
Here are the two door handles we bought... which do you prefer? (they are a satin nickel... they kind of look brass here, but they're not).

Am I out of the loop?

Ok, I'm totally feeling lost here on the web. I think I'm confused. Or lost or something. I'm following Cass's (or is that Cass'?) Twitter on her blog because SHE'S HAVING LEXI FINALLY ok, back to the topic... and I notice replies and comments to other Twitterers. And they're in the same timeline... so how does this happen? Are you guys just sitting at your computer all day Twittering? Or can you Twitter from your cell phone like text messaging (remember... I *just* figured out how to text on my cell.... don't laugh.)? And how do you Twitter at (@) people and reply to peoples Twitter posts on your Twitter? Anyone want to clue me in?

"LABELS! They need to be LABELED!" she screams

I'm having extreme anxiety thinking about the prospect of moving. Not just moving... but moving in the midst of having a baby as well as moving into someone else's house and not being able to have all of our stuff unpacked. Essentially... moving and living out of boxes.

I'm a control freak. I am terrified I'll have this baby and be in the hospital during the time we need to be packing. No. NO. NO. I NEED to be in charge of the packing. I tossed and turned all morning, (I woke up early) with anxious thoughts running through my head about how I can best organize all of our stuff.

I kept thinking... "Ok, we pack up three types of boxes. One type for storage... color code it.... say, blue and label it with the room its from as well as what stuff is in the box. One type box for garage sale... no color coding, but it needs to go to my mom's and be stuffed in a garage near our other garage sale stuff (her neighborhood has a large sale every summer). One type for stuff we need and that will go to my mom's... color code it orange. Label it with its contents as well as room."

And I'm picturing me going into labor just as we begin packing up my house. And I picture me freaking out and yelling at anyone and everyone for not labeling my boxes or putting the color coded tape on the top. And I picture me spazzing out that I'm going to not know where, say... my box with my sewing stuff is (because I'm going to have tons of time to sew, right? HAHA!).

This whole moving thing is stressing me out. I guess I shouldn't... because we still have some contingencies that might keep things from happening (the lady backs out of the offer, or our house doesn't appraise, or something comes back bad on the inspections).

But, see... as of now, we already have our crap stored in three different places as it is. Our house is small and we have very very little storage. So, we have some things stored at Ry's dad's barber shop in the apartment upstairs. And we have some things (mostly baby things) stored at my grandma's in her basement, and we have a few things at my mom's somewhere... mostly garage sale stuff for this summer. I have no idea what is where.... it took us three trips to these places to find our infant carseat. I thought we were going to have to buy a new one! So... the thought of ALL of our stuff being kept... who knows where (we'll probably have to rent a storage thingy to keep our furniture and the boxes of things we don't need for a few months) just freaks me out. What if something IMPORTANT gets put in one of the "Storage Labeled Blue Boxes"? What if something gets lost? What if... what if... what if....??

So, I keep thinking... maybe Hudson needs to come soon. That way I can get home and attempt to get back to "normal life" and be here when we have to start packing the house up. But then I think... maybe he should just hang out longer, like at least my due date or later and that way the inspections and appraisals will be out of the way and we'll know for sure if we're moving or not, and I can pack up this house and color code and label before he gets here.

Of course, nothing is going to work out the way it should... that's how it always goes. I'm sure something will go haywire with our offer, or the appraisal or the inspection. And if all goes well with that I'm sure I'll end up in labor in the hospital when we need to be closing and packing and moving.....

I need to stop thinking about this.

Shoes for Chicago

Ok... I suck at buying shoes. I've never been a huge shoe buying fan. Sure, I like shoes but I stick with teh basics a black pair and a brown pair and in the summer a multitude of colorful flipflops. For winter, I stick with my simple, versatile Nine West boots. BORING. I like buying coats- that's where my love is :) Before I had Porter I had about 14 different coats for spring/winter. To wear with my 2 pair of shoes HAHA!

I like cheap shoes. Especially since I won't be wearing these often as I rarely wear flats in the winter. My pants are all really long so I wear heels. I don't want to get pants hemmed, so I'll be flipping the cuff in Chicago or wearing dragging long pants. I just don't care. And I am NOT about to go buy another pair of pants to wear just with flats when I am 9 weeks away from evicting delivering this kid.

I bought three pairs from Payless. Here are two that seem to be the "comfiest" for walking all day. HERE is one pair of flats I bought (but in brown). I didn't take pics of them as I don't know that I'll keep them and they do not seem comfy enough to wear walking all day- the bottoms are thin thin thin.

Here are the other 2 pairs. Are they totally dorky? I am telling you- I have not an ounce of style in my body. I don't know what is in, cute or cool anymore. Help me out!

The first pair are converse/keds/flat tennis shoes wanna bees.


The second pair are more like tennis shoes. They're here to stay as they were only $9 and I wore them to the Hands On Museum today. Are these dorky? (oh, and you get a glamourous shot of my belly with these shoes! I wanted to show how they looked with jeans- the up close pics made them look queer). Eww.. my jeans look so icky with flats.


(please excuse the disgusting mirror!!! It normally resides in P's room so there are lots of handprints on it)

Vehicles Vehicles Vehicles...

That's what our week has been about.

The Durango is fixed. $400 later. *SCREAM*!!!

It was the starter, which was half that cost. And then Ryan had some kind of chip fixed for the cruise control. I don't remember if it wasn't working or what not... but it also caused the ABS and brake lights to stay on constantly (although there was nothing wrong with those things). So, he had the chip fixed so all that works and we can sell it without it looking like a POS.

And then we've been on the hunt for something to replace the Santa Fe. We've been waiting to see if it dies again so we can have it fixed (our mechanic never found anything wrong with it as it MIRACULOUSLY started working fine while he had it... psycho car!)... the two places we've been looking are through people we (we have two friends who work for dealerships) and I would not want to trade it in and then have it die on them. Anyhow, our friend Don has his buyer looking for an Envoy or Trailblazer for me.

And then yesterday I started to freak out about gas mileage and if it'd be a good choice etc. It gets a few more mpg than the Durango but a few less than the Santa Fe... so right in the middle. Well, I called Don to ask about the Buick Rendezvous (a lady at work has a Trailblazer and said she LOVED her Rendezvous the best, and then the Trailblazer was second..) so I though... ehh lets check it out. The only reason I never considered it is b/c a friend of mine has it and it has a 3rd row that is pretty small and nearly backs up to the back of the vehicle (no storage room).. and when its folded down it doesn't fold fully flat so your cargo area is uneven. So, regardless... I'd get it without the 3rd Row. I'd actually prefer the Trailblazer and Envoy without the third row as well as I really won't have a use for it and I would rather have more storage in the back.

Anyhow, Don said he had an '06 Chrysler Pacifica on the lot I could take overnight so I did... its similar in size to the Fe/Rendezvous... a tad bigger. I like how it drives and I LOVE the amount of space in the back seat. Porter's feet aren't anywhere near touchign the back of the driver's seat- even when Ryan is driving! Ry was adament that NO we are sticking to our oringial plan (I was just mad at him the other day for trying to change up our plan for HIS vehicle, so he has a point... I was changing the plan). He didn't care for the look of the Pacifica... says it looks like a station wagon. Yeah, it kind of does. But it is nice and roomy!

We went to the Chevy dealership to get a close up look of the insides of the Trailblazer and I'm not impressed at all. The back seat is SO much smaller than the Pacificia. I'm positive Porter's feet will be kicking the back of my seat like it does in the Santa Fe. The butt/legs part of the second row seat is not as deep (does that make sense?) as in the Pacifica. Why get a larger vehicle that has LESS room inside??

Ry is totally against a Rendezvous. Says he hates how they look. I think I like how they look more than the Pacifica, so we obviously don't agree on that. I think we may end up just agreeing on the Envoy (even though the inside is identical to the Trailblazer... we both like the look/trim of the Envoy over the Trailblazer) as thats the only vehicle we both really agree on.

So... that's what's been going on with my vehicle... still looking. Still debating on gas mileage, vehicle type, options etc..

For RYAN... our replacement for the Durango. Don't laugh. I think we're getting a 1991 (yep.. you heard it) Honda Accord or something like that. Its just a beater car Don has on the lot and we figure we'll drive it for a few months until we find something newer (late 90's early '00's) for Ryan and in the meantime try to sell the Durango private party. Once we find a newer car for Ryan my mom will probalby take the Honda as she loves her a good beater car and drives quite a ways to work.

We have been slightly looking for cars for Ryan but can't really do anything until the Durango is sold... I think we'll have that up for sale by this weekend if he's able to buy the Honda today. Oh lord... that car will be sitting in my driveway! GAH!

Well, as far as "newer" cars for Ryan... I need your opinion on this. We have found a few cars- one is a 2002 Taurus that our friend Simon has on his lot. Anyone have good/bad experiences with Tauruses?

We've also looked at Toyotas, Hondas and Nissans... but to get it in the same price range as teh Taurus (the price range we need to be in)... we can only afford a 1996 to 1998ish. I found quite a few Nissan Altimas that I like a lot (we rented one in Key West a few years ago and loved it..), but I'm wondering if for the same amount of money we should get a 4 year newer car? Its just that foreign/american car deal... not sure which is a better choice. Any ideas?

WOW! Why don't I write the worlds most boring post today! Sorry about that. I just needed to jot down my ideas and all these things running through my/our heads. I hate big changes like this. I'm excited about the prospect of getting new vehicles (we've had the Fe for 5 years and the Durango for 3- which isn't a ton) but I hate trying to make decisions on what would be the best choices!! Stress... stresss!!

Scrapbook Book Dilemma

I'm so confused about what to do with my scrapbooks... as far as organizing them. See, before kids (BK), I just kept them in albums by the year. Meaning, 2003, 2004 etc etc. When Porter was born, in 2006, he dominated 99% of my layouts so I just kept them in an album (err...actually 2). My 2006 album: really tiny. Porter's albums for 2006: overflowing.

I then thought I'd do this: Porter gets a "First Year" album (actually 2) and then after that all pages go into chronological albums... ie... by the year- 2007, 2008 etc.

Now, that would work fine, only we have another baby coming into the picture. So, I could do just a 1st year album for BBB#2 (that's Baby Boy Barczak #2... don't go thinking we named him B___ B____ Barczak LOL!), and then after his first year continue on the chronological ordering.

However.... during each of their first years, the "family/chronological" album dwindles... how do I separate what goes into the "family/chronological" album and what goes in just their first year album?

Then, I came up with idea #2, which is somewhat how Ryan thinks I should do it....
-Both boys get their own albums, in which all pages that relate to them go in there
-We have a family album that is for pages that document family gatherings/holidays etc

This would be a good idea, but then what about pages that have BOTH boys in the picture? What about pictures of the 4 of us... do the boys' albums just not have those pictures in it? Do I print doubles of family pics and do duplicate pages? What about holidays... the boys' albums would just not have holiday/family pics in it as those would go in the family album?

Ugh. I just don't know how to keep this all organized.

So, let me recap:

Idea #1: All albums are organized by year, all pictures go in corresponding year album. Each child will get a "First Year" album in which it includes layouts from their first year.
Cons: How do I decide what layouts during their first year to include in the family/year album so that the family/year album isn't void of that child's pictures during his first year?

Idea #2: Keep albums separated: Each child gets their own albums and the family gets another album.
Cons: How do I separate family layouts from kid layouts.... what if the layout includes pics of dad and Porter... does that constitute family or Porter book? What about pics with both boys? What about holidays... how do the boys' books not end up void of holiday/special event layouts?