Wake me up when September ends...

There are times I feel like that should be the theme song playing for my life. Not always, but sometimes.

September is always going to be a rough month. This weekend marks one year since Cathy left us and in some ways it feels like it was forever ago and some days it feels like it was just yesterday.

I was sitting here playing a game on the computer and it popped into my head that its probably something Cathy would have liked. Something I would have called her about. There have been so many times in the past year I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her to tell her what crazy thing Porter did or said, to ask her advice about something or to gossip with her. And of course I always realize what a silly thing it is that I'm thinking that so many months later.

Last year at this time I remember thinking how I just wanted the month of September to end. To be over. To be erased and just skip it.

Anyhow... just something that's been on my mind here and there. I'm dreading this weekend. I'm replaying this weekend from one year ago in my head.... the boys were sick with coughs and I had a big playdate planned while Ryan was out of town with friends. I had to cancel the playdate due to the rainy weather and Porter's cough being really disgusting. I remember gas prices were rumored to be jumping drastically and I remember getting a phone call from Cathy as she was on her way to the gas station to wait in line. I laughed at her for wasting time waiting in line for gas because when that tank of gas was gone she'd still have to pay the hiked up price. I remember the frantic and unfamilar voice Ryan had when he called to tell me he was on his way home and that things were never going to be the same again. I remember Leslie driving me to Burgess and us being oddly calm about the situation. I remember driving around the curve from 127 to 94 and thinking We're going to get there and she's going to be fine. This is just another one of her hospital scares and things will be just fine soon enough. I remember Dave taking her jewelry and watching her be wheeled back for brain surgery. I remember the eery silence in the waiting room as the doctor told us there was no sense in going through with the surgery- it was too late.

Deep breath.

I didn't expect to get this deep tonight. I was just playing a stupid Block Crasher game on Facebook and thought Cathy would like it.