THE Interview. And the call.

I had my interview yesterday.  I was well prepared.  I'd studied and had some great responses (well, at least what I *felt* were great responses).  I wore a short sleeved black business jacket with black dress pants.  I had my portfolio, organized and packed to the brim of great examples of my work.  I had copies of my resume as well as copies of my "quotes of recommendation" (quotes pulled from my letters of recommendation) for each of the people on the interview panel.  I knew 4 of the 6 people.... my principal, 2 co-workers (the other 2nd grade teachers) as well as a teacher from another building.

The interview went great, so I thought.  Everything they asked me I thought in my head as they asked me "oh I've GOT this!".  I wasn't caught off guard by any questions.  I felt like I had really good responses.  We laughed a little, there was a little conversation, I felt confident and sure of myself.  I sat there feeling like "OMG I have this.  This job is MINE."

Or so I thought. 

The principal said they wanted to have a decision last night and by 9:30 I was feeling like they wouldn't be calling.  10:00 I got a call... and I could tell by his voice the decision wasn't in my favor.   He said I did great (I always friggin' hear this) but "they decided to go another direction."  WTF.   To say I am astounded.  Floored. Duped.  Pissed.  Annoyed.  Disappointed.  It's all an understatement.   

I thought I had this. 

I've always had great feedback from the principal, he's somewhat "led me on" to believe that he wanted me there fulltime.  He has told co-workers how highly he thinks of me, that he wanted to get me in fulltime.  I feel led on and... duped.  Sucker punched.  

And the worst part... I have another week of work.  Another week to face co-workers.  To feel humiliated that, yes, after 5 years I'm *still* her and I *still* haven't been hired in fulltime.  I don't even want to go there. 

I'm now quite aware that fulltime at my school is not going to happen in the near future.  My district isn't huge (there are 3 elementary schools, which is larger than most smaller districts but not the largest in town), and its a great place to work... hence, people don't leave often.  And I don't foresee any retirements from my building anytime soon.  So, unless people move around or shift buildings (which IS a possibility) there aren't likely any spots open.  In the past 5 years I think there have been 4 times they've interviewed for open positions.  So, its a rarity.  I've been waiting for this spot to open in my building for a long long time.   The other jobs that have been interviewed for, at the other elementary buildings, they've hired their own lit coaches.  ANd, in  my building, I'm always talked highly of, always told that everyone thinks highly of me, and I've also beent here the longest of the lit coaches.  

I thought I had this. 

So, I don't know where to go next.  I'm just so confused and hurt and disappointed.  I am going to take the weekend to process my "loss" and then jump into high gear of applying EVERYWHERE and contacting every principal and making them aware that I've applied and that I want a job.  I'm going to be annoying.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right?  Operation job search will be underway.  I'll be honest, in the past few years I have NOT been very active with applying at other schools.  I love my school I'm at and part time was okay with me.  I was holding out with the thought that I was "next up" to get hired in.  I didn't want to leave a part time job I loved to go somewhere I'd be unhappy or dislike my job.  But, game on.  Balls to the wall I'm on the hunt.

"Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it." — Eliza Tabor