Sometimes I feel like the biggest mama failure ever because my kids rarely seem to like each other.
The boys fight ALL. THE. TIME. And if I were to pinpoint a "culprit" it would be Porter... because I swear to goodness we can get into the car after pickup and I ask how their days were and Hudson starts to excitedly tell me and Porter, rarely ever fails, has to make some snide remark about how stupid that was or that sounds dumb. I mean, its not ALWAYS Porter, but if I were honest he's the instigator 75% of the time.
It's not just that... its really so much more. The boys get along with Amelia great. She's the munchkin little sister that they adore. Sure, she annoys them but for the most part, they bend over backwards for her... her little antics and needs are charming and adorable. But with each other? They can't see past the ends of their noses. A brother asking for a favor is a huge inconvenience. They don't talk nice to each other.
Don't get me wrong... there are times that they get along beautifully. Usually it is when I am fed up with their fighting so I send them both to their separate rooms, only to find they've snuck into Porter's room to quietly play legos together. And there are times they'll wrestle and joke around, or ask to have sleepovers in Hudson's room (because he has 2 beds), or times that they play Minecraft together and crack each other up. Oh I relish those times... I stare at them in awe wondering why... WHY can't it be like this all the time? Why can't they have this beautiful "siblingship" where they adore each other and have each others back all the time?
I don't really know how to change it. I don't really know what I've done wrong... or what I can do to make it right. Sometimes I feel like its a crapshoot, this siblingship... that personalities often just clash and make it impossible for them to be "friends" most of the time. But sometimes I feel like its something I've done, something I've not nurtured, somewhere I've gone wrong.
I'd love to know your thoughts on this... I'd love to know how your children's relationships are. Are they close in age? Far apart? Different genders or the same? Do they share a room? Do they have similar personalities? Has their friendship been close from the beginning or was it a work in progress? Tell me the scoop, friends.... this mama needs help.
Mine are BFF's but I think it's because they are polar opposites. Boy/girl. One competitive, one not. One athletic, one academic etc. I think that they are probably very similar in a way and later on, it works itself out. It's just in childhood, before you get all that sorted out, that it's a total pain. I bet later in life they get along great.
ReplyDeletebelieve me you are NOT doing anything wrong at all. This is just part of life. my oldest two are four years apart and I tell you I'd rather go through childbirth over and over and over again vs. the sibling rivalry! That was THE worst time for me ughhhh
ReplyDeleteAustin is now 23 and McKenzie, she will be 19 next month. I swear I wanted to run away SO dang many times ...they fought and fought and one was always right and did things perfectly ...well according to him haha! and always corrected her down to the tiniest of details that were so stupid! I thought they would NEVER love one another or get along. But as years went on it slowly came to where it was much better...as they had more in common etc. I am sure your boys will be the best of friends being the same gender and all as they get older. I just sometimes MADE mine get along, and if not they sat in chairs facing one another for a while-- then it would end up a big laughing fest. But I also found that taking away playtime with their friends in the neighborhood worked too. If they couldn't get along with one another then they would have to figure it out until they did cause they weren't going to play with their friends if they couldn't play with one another!! Granted not all the time but I had my moments when I just couldn't take it anymore. they would so much as look at each other and it started...at the breakfast table in the mornings...after school. I soooo totally know how you feel. But as my children have grown out of it guess what?! I am in that season again !! Lord Help me!!
McKenzie moved in with Austin last year after she graduated HS and 4 other people it went great to begin with but as time has passed...verdict is they can NOT live together anymore! As a mom I feel like I failed as well but i know I did and am still doign the best that i can. Now, I am reliving their childhood again cause they both tattle on one another again! lol I do'nt know you ...but I KNOW from seeing and hearing that you are a great Mom. There is no real right or wrong answers, as everyone is so different as to how they handle things. Don't be hard on yourself. You are going through what a lot of people do. Just a season of parenting and children growing up.
Hang in there girl!! I will say prayers for you too :)
-Lisa