How do you explain all this to a two year old? How do you help them wrap their minds around the permanence of all this- especially when you yourself have not fully grasped the permanence? How do you help him understand his Nina isn't coming home when he says "Well, we gotta tell her to come back to her house."
My heart is breaking for him.
I am very sorry. :( You guys will be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad, Nic. Wish I knew a way to make it easier for all of you. How is Ryan holding up?
ReplyDeleteOMG, I just read what happened, I'm so sorry. I got tears in my eyes thinking of you trying to explain it to P - heartbreaking. We are thinking about you guys - let us know if we can do anything.
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry!!!
Oh the poor guy! He has such a great memory right now of things too, that he will probably be asking for her, for awhile. I hope you can find a way to explain where she is to him. Im at a lost for trying to explain it, if it were me... :(
ReplyDeleteThat is so difficult - I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteAw, I am so sorry you are struggling with it. It's not easy at all. My husband lost his grandfather when Elyse was about 3 years old. We told her that great poppa went to live with God high in the sky. She did ask alot of questions that we answered honestly but vaguely. Example: did it hurt when he went to live there? Answer: No sweetheart, God protects us all with His love and He was holding poppa's hand to help him find the way so that it wouldn't hurt.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you guys to find a good way to help him understand in the midst of you trying to understand too. Big hugs for you.
My three year old wouldn't get it either -and I am sure he would keep asking.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you guys are going through this.
I don't even know what to say.
ReplyDeleteWhat about looking for some books that hit on this topic?
I hope I don't make things worse for you right now.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to remind you of how easily Alyssa adjusted at that age to Ryan being gone. She talked constantly about him for a bit, but it faded gradually over about a month or so and then I kept his memory alive for her by looking at photos and videos. She wasn't sad about it as long as I wasn't, and I think that would apply very well here, even though I know it's beyond hard and a very different situation. If he sees/hears you and Ryan talking about her so happily, and how happy she is up in Heaven, and rehashing all the things that you all loved about her, he'll have a positive spin on such a sad situation and that's how he'll remember her...Not as the grandma that he lost, but as the grandma that is so fun to remember. It won't take the questions long to fade and then you all can begin to heal together.
I'm sorry for your loss.
i totally agree with jessica...try to focus on why you all loved her so much and special times that p had with her. try to stay positive about how she is with God and how He is taking care of her everyday...also talk about how he can think about his "nina" before bedtime and maybe get to see her in his dreams...i've always loved that one :) i am keeping you in my thoughts!
ReplyDeletedoes he remember the dog you guys lost a while back? How did you explain that one to him? Maybe doing something similar would help. I'm not at all trying to compare grandma to a dog, but maybe the approach you used if you feel it worked. Otherwise I've always heard that honesty but vague is best because they won't understand much of the specifics.
ReplyDeleteYour family is in my prayers!
When my husbands father passed away in November last year I had a hard time breaking the news to the kids, because like you said- how do we make them try to understand when we don't quite get it either. How does one explain it to their sweet little minds.
ReplyDeleteWe told our kids that Grandpa was not feeling his best here and that in heaven he was free from all pain. That he will be their guardian angel and watch over them and protect them. Lily had the hardest time "getting it". We had to be very simple with her. Told her "Grandpa died and went to heaven, he is watching you, keeping you safe, he will not be coming back, he is working hard in heaven now and just remember him in your prayers".
She still tells everyone "My grandpa is still dead, but he loves me and he watches me everyday." It is so hard to hear her talk that way, but she gets it and you cant tell a 4 year old to NOT talk about it. We all just smile when she brings it up and we all tell her that we love grandpa and miss him too.
My heart is aching for you all right now. Losing a close family member like that is so hard, and for us it did get harder during the months following. Just hang on to each other- really tight! Family and friends kept us strong! We are much closer to our family now having gone through all that.
Im sorry for the long post. Email me if you want to chat.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs!
I think one of the most important things is to help him remember, always. It's the greatest gift you can give to Porter, and to your mother in law. My grandpa died when I was in 3rd grade and I have such vivid memories of him and I think that's because my parent's helped keep him alive.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I am soooo sorry for your loss.